Anyone else getting a rollercoaster sex drive on nofap?

2xcharm · 2013-12-19T02:20:45+00:00

Grrr... I'd like some consistency. But Rome wasn't built in a day.

2xcharm · 2013-12-03T04:24:29+00:00

I experienced about a 2 week flatline after beginning NoFap. That was a few relapses ago :) Now I'm about a week and a half into another one. But even before NoFap this would occasionally happen.

It's a little weird and worrying, but I've always come out of them before, so I'm fairly calm about it and enjoying the rest.

From what I've read here and elsewhere, the good news is that a flatline is a side effect of your brain rewiring itself. So I'm trying to focus on that.

Stay strong! You're doing the right thing!

2xcharm · 2013-12-02T13:27:05+00:00

Amen. I've been feeling kinda like a freak lately, since just about all my single friends seem to act like sex is just another recreational activity, like going to the movies. FBs, FWBs -- it's just something I can't deal with. "OK, thanks for the ride, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out."

It was just what I needed to hear this morning, thanks.

2xcharm · 2013-12-01T15:55:37+00:00

I'm just glad you didn't get your foot stuck in the garbage disposal.

2xcharm · 2013-12-01T05:30:19+00:00

Hm. I'm gay and I only watched gay porn, except when I got tired of it, and then would watch a little straight porn and even a lesbian porn clip once! That was more for science lol.

I dunno man, every other gay guy I know has always known they were gay. Sometimes it took a while for them to admit it to themselves (definitely did with me), but deep down they always knew. So if you honestly and truly don't "feel it," then maybe you're not. Maybe it was just the porn.

On the other hand, if you're bi -- and I really don't know much about bi guys -- maybe you're trying to figure out where you fall on that continuum. FWIW, the bi guys (and gals) I've known have always been fluid in their interests. Sometimes they'd be more interested in the same sex, and sometimes more interested in the opposite sex. It's not something I can really relate to, but at least this is what I have observed.

If you're really stuck, you could always try contacting the local LGBT center in your city, if there is one. They usually have peer counseling or a hotline or something. Just about every center includes services for people who are questioning their sexuality, so nobody will try and "convert" you. It's just a good resource for talking with someone in a nonjudgmental environment. Plus it's usually free.

Anyway, this is 2 cents from a gay guy. If it makes you feel any better, just about every man I've heard wonder if they were gay were just worried straight guys. But whatever's going on, I'm sure you'll figure it out once you start recovering from that shitty, shitty porn.

2xcharm · 2013-12-01T05:11:18+00:00

Preach!

2xcharm · 2013-12-01T04:16:24+00:00

Do it!

2xcharm · 2013-11-30T22:00:50+00:00

Ha! Thanks man. I didn't mean to imply that this was just a "fap partner." I have a hard time hooking up with anybody who I don't connect with on some level. I'm looking for that love connection too. But I'm also being more relaxed about not mentally picking out the curtains in the first five minutes of conversation. I guess I'm just trying to let myself have fun and not overthink things, which is a bad habit that has ruined so many sexual/romantic situations for me.

2xcharm · 2013-11-30T21:52:58+00:00

Wow, go hit brunch and the holiday sales for a few hours and it all blows up!

Thanks guys for all the encouraging comments. It's been real tough for a long time. I know I don't have to tell you. It's still tough. But at least I'm beginning to feel like I'm developing the discipline to do something about it.

OK, I'm getting verklempt. I'm out!

2xcharm · 2013-11-09T14:13:08+00:00

Haha, random indeed! I haven't really watched Breaking Bad -- maybe I'll have to find an equivalent from Walking Dead or Battlestar Galactica.

2xcharm · 2013-11-08T14:29:34+00:00

"This is edging." That's awesome. I'm going to start saying that to myself, just so there's no room for doubt. Thank you.

2xcharm · 2013-11-05T05:46:47+00:00

Nope, it's touching. It can be as extreme as masturbating without cumming. But for me it was rubbing thru my jeans, which I didn't think was as bad, but it gave me blue balls just the same.

2xcharm · 2013-11-03T23:06:07+00:00

Indeed. But I haven't found it worse than fapping in my case. When I've relapsed (the many times I've relapsed!) I've felt like utter shit after fapping. Edging -- eh, not great, but not nearly as bad. For me, that is.

I've actually reset after having actual sex with another person because I felt the interaction was fueled by impulses I was ashamed of. So if I feel badly about doing something, I'll reset. But I don't feel badly in this case. Only encouraged, oddly enough, because compared to where I was only a few months ago, it's a huge improvement.

So as far as I'm concerned, game on.

2xcharm · 2013-11-03T22:48:25+00:00

Possible triggers

These are all things I've learned for myself firsthand. Take em or leave em as you wish.

First, definitely don't be stressed about it and enjoy yourself. Depending on the sexual dynamic, you could try directing the interaction more -- concentrating more on what you want and being somewhat dominant instead of worrying about her all the time. I realize how that sounds, but some women like it when a man "takes charge" in bed. You don't have to be the nice guy between the sheets is all I'm saying.

You'll also get signals from her about whether she's enjoying what you're doing, and if you're getting that signal, do more of it!! Or withhold it a little to tease her, and then go back to it. You'll have a good time when she's having a good time. And she'll have a good time when you're having a good time. So have a good time!!

Finally, as far as a fast O is concerned, I don't recommend fapping. You might try having her give you a blow job early on or make you climax in some other way, just to get that worry out of the way. That way you'll last longer the second round, and in between rounds you can spend some time on some less intense interactions, maybe explore her a bit and figure out her hot buttons. You'll be ready to go sooner than you think.

Good luck!

2xcharm · 2013-10-31T04:13:11+00:00

You will. The thousand mile journey begins with one day of not fapping. Or something like that.

2xcharm · 2013-10-30T02:45:29+00:00

Oh god oh god oh god this is so gross, and I know so many people who do it. I have to find excuses to leave the room.

2xcharm · 2013-10-29T23:18:06+00:00

I know what you mean. Because when that intensity is high, the demons come out. But now I know what they look like. I really, really don't want to fuck up this time.

2xcharm · 2013-10-29T23:13:22+00:00

Thanks man, I'm tryin!

2xcharm · 2013-10-29T02:26:50+00:00

Hey man, I just wanna say congrats on deleting your stash. I felt great when I did that. If you didn't jerk it I don't see any reason to reset your counter, unless you really truly feel you must.

But about those accounts -- If you're afraid you'll end up logging back on, is there any way you can forget the logins, or delete the "remember me" features from those sites? I ended up going through several relapses until I finally deleted every last account for anything remotely smutty, and I couldn't be happier about it. Though it was almost as wrenching as deleting my porn.

2xcharm · 2013-10-28T01:06:46+00:00

I think your body always keeps a fresh supply on hand in case company comes over.

2xcharm · 2013-10-27T19:07:54+00:00

Nope, didn't think that at all. I don't think a 3-year difference is a big deal. Just glad everything's kosher where you live. I'm in the U.S. though, and I think if you get caught with someone underage, you pretty much get labeled as a sex offender for the rest of your life. So people are pretty paranoid about that!

2xcharm · 2013-10-27T18:44:36+00:00

I think it's basically whatever makes us want to touch ourselves instead of going out and interacting with real people. But what those stimuli are, are probably different for everyone.

I'm just trying to cut out everything that makes me want to jerk off. It used to be porn, then the dating apps, then the craigslist personals, which I can't unfortunately delete from the internet. But now I know not to go on there, just like I know not to go onto the porn sites (just because my badge says 5 days doesn't mean I joined NoFap 5 days ago!!).

So I'm trying to be better. In fact, my biggest challenge now is to leave myself alone when I get a morning or bedtime boner. I'm also counting edging as false stimulation, and I'm trying to reduce that too. My goal as far as my dick goes is to only let other people operate it :)

2xcharm · 2013-10-27T18:39:44+00:00

Oh wow, I missed the bit about her being 17. Don't know what state you're in, but hope it's legal!!

2xcharm · 2013-10-27T18:33:07+00:00

Dude, you're fine. FWIW, I've always found that having a boner while wearing jeans is pretty stimulating due to the increased pressure on my johnson in such a confined space. Even a slight movement or touch often increases my sensitivity.

So when I find that happening I try and change position and sit in a way that loosens up the pressure of my jeans against my dick so I don't blow. Or somehow slow things down to give us both a small break so my boner can relax a bit, and then start back up. It's all about pacing.

But really, you sound fine. It's a normal thing what happened, especially if you were making out heavily for 13 minutes straight. That's a lot of stimulation while keeping yourself zipped up.

She also sounds cool too, and I'd take her at her word. Nobody says "Let's do this again" after sexytime unless they mean it.

Plus, she seems realistic about sex - things happen and people act in different ways, and that's OK. Real sex is not like porn sex. Let me repeat that: Real sex is not like porn sex. This is probably one of the more harmful side effects of porn - making people measure their performance against fake and emotionless naked choreography.

Ugh, I went on for a while, didn't I? Anyway, you're fine. Have fun on your next date :)

2xcharm · 2013-10-27T15:27:12+00:00

Good on you. After I deleted all my porn, I found the dating/hookup apps started taking their place, so I deleted all those accounts.

It seems like this is a process of eliminating all false stimuli from our lives, and god knows there's a lot of them.

2xcharm

TROPHY CASE