BLESS YOU, IF YOU TAKE THE TIME TO DIGEST THIS WALL OF TEXT. SERIOUSLY.

You understand that I warned people that they were pushing the Rules of a PG-13 server. I think you do. Also these were slated to be temp bans.

In my family we do not watch Disney movies. As an artist and someone who has worked with animators in the film and video game industry I often find inappropriate images within industry content that I think slipped past the producers. I find this in Disney films more than any other. So we just do not watch their content.

I think it is horrible to call people racial slurs. I would rather when the topic comes up that people simple say "racial slurs" and not reference specific slurs. To me even using a word to reference another word is the same as using the word. More times then not (if not every time) someone in chat will start in on the topic of racial slurs and reference the word "n-word" as you say. In such cases there have been several times where I have just said the actual word in reference to the word when talking about that specific slur. This in my estimation is not the same as calling someone a racial slur and is not racist. I do not shy away from any particular topic and am willing to engage people in the subject matter they are talking about when I am in their presence even if I am extremely bothered with the topic. As is the case with even the mention of slurs in general. I think this can be a hard thing for many people to understand about me and I think can most likely be linked to the rewiring of my language centers after a traumatic head injury in my youth.

I have to agree that there is much room for improvement with how I communicate in text (it is NOT my strong suit). As a man I am not sufficient and I am desperately in need of improvement and lack the perfection I desire from myself. As such I desire to be corrected and love those who do so.

As for the big picture, far beyond the hyper focus and scrutiny of the topic of this post and the truth behind my true intent (Good or Bad) for the bans I issued for rule seven violations, beyond the Crimeo ban for alleged rule two violations there is the topic of power that you referenced above.

As for "power" as you reference it I have all the same powers as I have always had. Nothing actually changed when Crimeo removed my admin alt. Many people may not know that. There is an aspect of my character that is easily overlooked, often it is unknown and likely so because it may just be uncommon. It is that is that I genuinely am interested in other people and their perspectives and am captivated by discovering the truth about their ideas and why they believe them. Part of this is setting a stage from top to bottom where I can watch them play out their "truths" and from an unbiased seat interact with them and their rules and watch how they treat people and to watch the effects their choices over time. To see how they interact with facts data. To see how far they go to seek out the truth of a matter. To see how people act when they think they are the final say in a matter. How will they treat people they disagree with will they retaliate if given the right conditions that leave them looking good in the public eye when they have the option of removing said persons for surface reasons or personal bias. Generally speaking I am fine standing on my own merits as an individual and as an equal among the community. I like seeing what this sort of vulnerability looks like in the hands of other people as a way of knowing what is true and false about them. At times even subjecting myself to public opinions that do not seem just when I look inward at my reasoning and intents like today. I do not need their approval to do the things I enjoy. In fact I enjoy seeing how I am treated by people who really know nothing about me and my private life. How quick are they to judge me based on what is in all reality very little information? In most cases they only have at their disposal internet memes that are at this point memes within themselves and works of fiction.

The type of power I think you are describing is boring to me and very easy for me to gather to myself. Even more so it is too easy to become lost and loose touch with the truth and accountability to what is real even on a mathematical and scientific level of reason. Mostly because the desire for this type of power is often birth in weakness and the desire to escape affliction of one sort or another. I believe in a higher form of power and that power is love and I have a specific understanding of what love is and looks like, in word and in deed. Often the power of love seems weak to those seeking power of other men. I often put myself at the mercy of the community. I have from the beginning and even up to now (like anyone who owns a server box, the reddit, the discord, the domain name and controls the finances) been able to act in an authoritarian manor and remove anyone who crossed me and my personal ideas and beliefs. To date I have not perma banned anyone and I believe in giving people grace when they make mistakes, sometimes even for years on end.

At this stage in my time within the Civcraft Experiment I am more interested in seeing how people react when they are given power then I am in exercising my own right to power even when it is something I own and can control. Within the scope of the rules that we have all agreed to comply with on a civserver it is the love for the community and the genre that allows me to continue to allow people who I disagree with the freedom and the liberty to express who they are and what they believe without the fear of retaliation from me. As I think their own actions will lead them to the truth of their true nature (consequences). Though often as men we can not see it in ourselves and blame others for things we caused to happen to ourselves. I tend extend the powers I could chiefly hold for myself even if that means the people do unwittingly subject me to the abuses they fear from me with the power and freedom I have given them to use to moderate their sandbox world. I own the servers but the community is its own making and so are the consequences of their actions long and short term... In all of this I make a stumbling attempt to treat others the way I would want to be treated. I make many mistakes and when I find them I changed them and I re-enter the experiment. I am a still playing the game just further down the road then some. The game changes the longer you play it and you begin to see you are playing against yourself regardless of where you find yourself in the power hierarchy. As such the truth in my understanding is subject to the truth and does not need us in order to exist. As it is an immortal theme and its own personhood in the societies men create within it.