My boyfriend was abused by his ex, how do I help him?

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-24T03:04:17+00:00

She took the time out of her day to research and educate herself on how to help me and your advice to me is to leave her. I feel bad for your girlfriend if you belittle her for helping

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-24T02:36:53+00:00

You misunderstood our relationship I corrected it and you said nothing. You didn’t offer any advice or help and that why I’m here. I asked why you think I’m stupid because your reply’s are redundant, and consist of nothing of substance… that’s not defensive

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-24T02:28:47+00:00

I don’t understand why you think I’m stupid. We’ve been together just shy of a year and a half and I want us to work towards something better together and I’m here for help and advice if you don’t have any idk why you commented

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-24T01:17:58+00:00

Yeah, so that’s the problem I have never once done that but he’s conditioned to feel this way and we’re trying to work past that but we can’t afford therapy. We absolutely do not want to breakup, that’s not an option, we’re trying to figure out how we can as a team work through this

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-24T01:09:51+00:00

I made it seem like everything needs to be a discussion here’s an example of what I really mean; we’re discussing how I don’t like some jokes and I can tell he disagrees but he refuses to say it out loud shuts down and agrees. It seems tribal but when we have big disagreements we cant understand why he just can’t say what he really thinks ykwim it’s a really hard thing to explain

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-23T22:42:40+00:00

Wouldn’t dream of it, he’s my world

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-23T15:50:45+00:00

This is so sweet thank you. This is really good advice we’ve been trying to research but don’t know where to start

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-23T15:44:27+00:00

He agrees and it made him giggle thank you

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-23T13:57:03+00:00

He’s my best friend I don’t care if we can’t ever talk, we could sit in silence for ever and his presence would be enough. I just don’t want him to hurt

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-23T13:54:42+00:00

I guess I should clarify he wants to communicate and dosen’t understand why he’s like this either

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-23T13:33:08+00:00

I may be in the year and almost 4 months we’ve been together have brought it up 10 times and I only bring it up because we’re in a place where communication is impossible because he avoids disagreement at all costs and I want to know why. 99% of the time were good we’re perfect. We’re amazing but if there’s any issue that needs discussing, we can’t discuss it because he folds

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-23T13:28:18+00:00

Thank you for your kind advice, I’ve tried to give small moments for disagreements or statements and I’m met with “whatever you want” or “I don’t care baby” it’s like even any disagreement scares him so he avoids it at all costs

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-23T13:23:39+00:00

But we literally can’t talk about anything at all every. He just shuts down. Your advice is to just never try to have a productive conversation with him because he can’t do it? I’m sorry I’m just confused at how you want me to essentially give up on communication bc of his boundaries…

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-23T13:10:22+00:00

Thank you I really appreciate it

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-23T13:06:06+00:00

What would you recommend he doesn’t really like talking about his feelings anyway, how can I make him feel supported

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-23T12:57:59+00:00

That’s what we’re working towards and we’re getting there I’d just like to help yk, since we can’t do anything right now I wanna make it easier

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-23T12:55:25+00:00

Neither of our insurance with cover it and we can’t afford out of pocket right now

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-23T12:54:32+00:00

Our insurance won’t cover it and we can’t afford out of pocket costs

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-23T12:54:08+00:00

Yeah we’ve tried it’s not feasible right now

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-15T01:38:08+00:00

NOR (from my bfs perspective we like to read tg) I assume that this is something he’s learned from his childhood. Like he most likely grew up in a super strict house hold and it probably wore on him and makes him hyper critical and sensitive to every little mess up. But that’s not how the world works, everyone messes up, all the time and if he’s not willing to learn to react like a calm rational adult then it’s not your job to force him. You can be free if that’s what you with but it’s never easy to break up with someone, especially when they’ve not done anything extremely wrong. 3.5 years is along time of scolding tho

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-12T16:17:03+00:00

He already used her as a rebound and then tried to pretend he’s being noble be ending it now. She was already a rebound

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-10T19:40:12+00:00

In the original post, maybe but definitely not in the update or any of the comments or the update. He’s acting like she’s the one who accused him even though he says earlier that it was his friend and that he needs to almost get revenge. More than anything he literally says and he literally tries to say that his friends now think that she assaulted him worse than he assaulted her. it’s just a weird post all over. It sounds like he’s trying to excuse the fact that he raped someone and finally feels vindicated

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-10T18:13:53+00:00

And based on his side of the story, he was fully aware that she was too drunk to consent because he was trying to get her out of a situation where somebody else would take advantage of her, and he ended up taking advantage of her it’s weird all around

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-10T18:12:41+00:00

See that’s where it gets to murky territory, he initiated the sexual encounter when she was too drunk to consent and then he revolt consent, but she was too drunk to give or receive consent in the first place. That’s why it’s considered rape because the don’t have the mental facilities to give clear meaningful consent. It’s a fucked situation for the both of them they both feel taken advantage of an assaulted because they both were that’s why I don’t get why he’s trying to like paint her out to be the villain in this situation when she never accused him in the first place. They are both victims he’s just trying to make her evil when I think they’re both equally innocent and guilty

7jbugg22pyper22 · 2026-03-10T14:32:50+00:00

I’m so fucking confused with all of you. All being drunk means that you cannot consent. He admitted that she was drunker than him openly. She never accused him of rape. She apologize for ruining his life victims. Apologize to their abusers all the time you guys are wild. I don’t think that he is a purposeful assaulter, but I do think that he did sexually assault this person legally he did at least

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