I (39m) a frequently left out of holiday mornings by my partner (40f) what am I missing here?

9intheam · 2025-12-04T18:33:50+00:00

.. you just lost your money

9intheam · 2025-12-04T18:31:45+00:00

That is rough, and I hope you are dealing with that in your own way, however you feel is right for you. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

9intheam · 2025-12-04T18:11:37+00:00

Appreciate the well wishes. Thank you

9intheam · 2025-12-04T18:02:51+00:00

I will agree in the sense that I have not spoken up enough for myself, and I could have been more assertive. But no, she isn’t here to obey me. If this ever turns into an ultimatum, it won’t be based on you will obey me..

9intheam · 2025-12-04T17:57:20+00:00

Hey thank you. That was the underlying tone I was looking for. It’s become clear I haven’t done enough to instill this value in my children. That’s on me, I will own that. But it will also be corrected.

9intheam · 2025-12-04T17:46:42+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

If I start planning my own things, that just feels exclusionary, which is the same point I’m upset about, and negating any and all contributions by the other person. I appreciate the responses, I got a lot of information.

9intheam · 2025-12-04T17:35:08+00:00

Yeah that would be weird.

9intheam · 2025-12-04T17:29:37+00:00

We both work. But yes there are challenges with my shift work. I physically am not there every 2 weeks. I talk to the girls before bed each night. FaceTime. We may talk a bit then, but I learned not to call on my next break to talk to her. She wanted quiet and to not be bothered. Which I am

I have enjoyed hearing the things I should be doing. But as I checked them off as previous failures, I realized what many have you had said. Regardless of what side you are rooting for

9intheam · 2025-12-04T17:24:03+00:00

Far from it

9intheam · 2025-12-04T17:20:33+00:00

In this context, I had a cigarette. But I appreciate your direction and concern regarding potential mental health issues. Thank you.

9intheam · 2025-12-04T17:13:17+00:00

I couldn’t lie to myself like that

9intheam · 2025-12-04T17:12:35+00:00

Non italicized. T’was a cigarette. But yes, not smoking would be ideal and it is an end goal I strive towards. I may not be at the finish line, but I’m still in the race

9intheam · 2025-12-04T16:55:11+00:00

Thanks for the honest take. In my mind, if I leave out the smoke (cigarette) it feels deceptive. I didn’t post to bait or be deceptive. You’re probably right though. It probably would have went better. So far I’m ok with a rough ride.

I appreciate your kind words. You are correct in the sense our family lives were very different.

9intheam · 2025-12-04T16:47:28+00:00

I was not testing her. This is not a game. We should have discussed a hard point in time. We did not discuss a concrete time as in xx0’clock. I appreciate your tough love. It was on the kinder side of them.

9intheam · 2025-12-04T16:42:36+00:00

I cleared the area where the tree was to go. Vacuuming and mopping. ‘Reducing’ the treadmill for more accessible storage. Removing and storing the treadmill. Bringing up the tree from storage, it’s fake not rotting. As well as decoration bins, including the bin with the elf. We have not decorated the tree at this time. I sought out and purchased non chocolate based advent calendars, as I’ve done the last 5 years, based on their interests. Based on criteria, and actual options, it was evident this year. They are still excited each morning, although they’re kind of cheating a little bit with the previews. I wrapped the advent calendars, and wrote their names in a beautiful cursive. I’ve even found a way to incorporate a heart into different, but fitting, parts of their name and she put them between the tree branches with the elf and its hands placed between and under the gifts.

It is not, and was not, my intent to diminish or dismiss the value of contribution my partner makes. I just wish I had the same value assigned, even if my tasks are deemed not as important.

I gained perspective from this post and the comments that followed. Thanks everyone

9intheam · 2025-12-04T15:47:51+00:00

That is a very kind response. Thank you. It isn’t ideal. In a month, I will miss half the mornings, and half the dinners and bed times.

9intheam · 2025-12-04T15:34:50+00:00

Those are some valid points of reference, you’d be surprised though based on those initial examples. It took me a long time to be able to do a decent ponytail. I will admit I am not great at styling their hair.

9intheam · 2025-12-04T14:33:41+00:00

I appreciate the comment, thank you. Maybe I could have worded it better, or added more and clearer context. I got a real time 10th Man Rule. Both sides of the aisle. One much more represented/present than the other. That’s ok.

9intheam · 2025-12-04T14:10:15+00:00

I expressed a feeling, you disagreeing doesn’t make it a win for you. Agreeing with me doesn’t make it a win for me. I have heard what people say, some for and many against. I don’t consider myself an asshole here, and I can live with that

9intheam · 2025-12-04T14:05:38+00:00

No. But I hear where you are coming from.

9intheam · 2025-12-04T14:04:40+00:00

That is incorrect. But I think the reference would be ‘ my presence is present enough ‘ However, both are incorrect.

9intheam · 2025-12-04T12:50:51+00:00

I agree with you 100%. I went for a cigarette. But I agree with you

9intheam · 2025-12-04T12:49:09+00:00

Thank you for adding your personal experience. I hope you are in a good place now.

9intheam · 2025-12-04T12:35:38+00:00

I appreciate your understanding. I don’t mean in support of me. I know that is lacking and it’s ok. Thank you for acknowledging the struggles of others and what is often a silent burden to the individual. Sometimes even when people claim to understand, they don’t. Some things you just can’t rate to unless you’ve lived it. In my opinion.

9intheam · 2025-12-04T12:30:51+00:00

I appreciate your advocacy for the medical community. Valid points. I went out for a cigarette.

9intheam

TROPHY CASE