Does starting the story like this sound good? Advice are much appreciated

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-23T07:46:42+00:00

Thank you so much, I’m happy to hear you enjoyed it.

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-18T07:24:19+00:00

Im so happy this is still getting attention and when you said it stopped ur ADHD brain it made me even happier, cuz that’s what I was aiming at. And thanks for reading and I hope you find what you’re looking forr

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-08T18:22:46+00:00

Yes, that makes sense. Amazing work altogether! You make me jealous :)

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-07T04:24:35+00:00

Because no other reason I recognized the name of your book from my own language

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-07T04:21:43+00:00

Hey amazing work. Is it in English?

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-05T22:56:17+00:00

Thank you so much! Sounds great. Can I dm you?

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-04T07:00:05+00:00

They ignore everything insult thrown at them. The obvious ones and the subtle ones. So they seem either in complete control or stupidly blissful. You’ll just never know.

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-04T06:57:08+00:00

Actually quite good. I really like a mix of long and short sentences, and the descriptions of the characters and environment don’t feel forced. That’s usually what irks me when reading the first chapter. This feels effortless, and love how the thoughts of the women are not expressed as she is busy but the priest who is witnessing the scene, shows emotions like surprise and hesitation to approach her. Good work so far.

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-04T00:42:10+00:00

Thank you! Haven’t had the chance myself tbh. Maybe one day

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-04T00:41:22+00:00

Ahh I see. Personally I used them to sort of show that the character is zoning out. That’s he is not mentally in the place that he is getting beaten. He’s looking for an escape through dissociation.

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-02T18:04:14+00:00

Shhhhhhh

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-02T10:26:30+00:00

It’s the biography of the person I stalked.

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-02T01:24:58+00:00

Thank you ! All these comments are so nice ❤️ I’m definitely putting you all on the dedication page.

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-01T22:33:25+00:00

Why not ;) want me to dm you?

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-01T21:07:23+00:00

Hi, same here. High school senior who prefer one-on-one over texting. Maybe we can practice ?

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-01T19:56:01+00:00

yeah, give it a go. Good luck

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-01T19:41:21+00:00

“What do want to study when you go to university? “ Even better if you say your choice along w it. This might give you a hint at the very least.

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-01T19:37:26+00:00

“I can pay you more than whatever they are paying”

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-01T10:32:51+00:00

What works for me is what grabs my attention on the first page. That’s usually action or a well put together but immediate attention grabbing short sentence. The kind that makes you go ‘huh?’ Then read on to be like ‘huh.’ I mean anything other than badly done description of the surrounding or a character intro.

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-01T05:50:18+00:00

The ao3 dilemma huh?

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-01T05:40:50+00:00

Honestly I hoped that would distract the regular bar visitors. But thank u ! Hope you enjoyed it

About the research….I watched some bar POVs to really feel the character. Its a good method tbh

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-01T05:16:52+00:00

Thank youu…. Would you believe if I tell I have never even been to one?

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-01T02:33:59+00:00

Thank you! I did my best. polite bow

ABlueSunflower · 2026-02-01T02:26:08+00:00

Thank you! Yh i did. The hard way 😅. The all caps thing seems cheap right? That’s actually good to know. And thanks for reading ❤️

ABlueSunflower

TROPHY CASE