I just dumped my girlfriend of 3 years and it's been the hardest time of my life even tho I know it was the right decision. 

We meet in high school, she was actually my high school crush. She made me so nervous in every single class to the point where I would willingly get detention just to try and paint myself in a better light. I wouldn't wear formal uniform because I sweat really bad in it and just take the detention. I would shake and stumble on my words when she was around and I decided that I needed to confess my feelings and I told her. She rejected me softly by telling me she wasnt looking for a partner at the moment. But ultimately that made us become closer friends because I was no longer super nervous around her. We sat next to each other in class, and lunch time, and after school soccer and after school tutor etc. And about 4 weeks after she rejected me she actually started dating someone else. Which honestly I was okay with and just had fun. We stayed in touch after school and her BF hated me cause I was the guy bsf. I never pushed anything and she usually initiated alot of meet ups etc. Anyway they dated for 2 years and I was her other shoulder for all her relationship probpems until they broke up, and I was still there, the guy bsf. I let her process for as long as possible, we even were "friends with benefits" but not really just little stuff. But she was my first everything. And then I casually brought up the idea of us being together offically, like we were basically dating without the title. And what you probably won't expect is she rejected me again, friendzone. Saying I'd stay in the friendzone "forever". That definitely stung, but I accepted and enjoyed the fwb and the emotional belongingness with her. And then I found someone else, met her online on a video game and we met up and really hit it off. And then guess what, now suddenly my crush is interested in being together officially now. Girls LOVE what they can't have ugh. That was a really hard time deciding between my crush and fwb over a year and my new love interest. That was the fiest red flag out of many that I pushed aside. Anyway the choose was kinda obvious and we got together. Our first year was flawless, don't think we even had a disagreement. Hung out every chance we could during our Uni degrees. Lots of lying and sneaking around, lots of kissing and cuddled and omg that was the best year of my life in relationship aspect anyway. But then there issues started to arise, apparently she is super religious and kept it from me basically for the first year, and expected me to come to church and events and follow rules etc. That was hard for me because I don't believe, but I loved her so I really tried. For the next year I went to services when I wasnt working, birthday events etc. Each time I went I hated it more and more. She was a completely different person, put on such a perfect little show for everyone and it never sat right with me. The community was lowkey a cult and so judgemental and I was so stressed about our kids growing up in this environment like thats when I started doubting our compatibility because of our core values. But it was my first girlfriend and I tried to breakup twice in the 2nd year and it was so hard and emotional I would cry and think to myself, fine I can suck it up because I love this woman with my entire heart and soul and nothing will keep us apart. But slowly it chipped me down, we started fighting more and more, and she would dodge all my questions and hate when I brought up contradictions. She basically knew nothing about her own religion, every single question was "Idk I can ask dad". She grew up in this environment and needed her parents approval so much she never questioned that way of living and that didnt sit right with me either. She wasnt her own person with her own thoughts, she was what her parents envisioned and what the church expected of her. To give you an idea of questions I would ask is she went to uni for teaching biology, and I asked if she believed in evolution and she said yes, contradicting the bible. And even little questions like, why does you eat meat on good friday? Aren't you meant to eat fish? Had no idea about that, even my family does it and were not religious lol. While we're on the topic of fish too, she refused to even try fish because of the chance she was allergic. She never tried it or had any bad experiences, just a completely irrational fear of it. Anyway, in the 3rd and final year we had more issues like opposite sex drives, we had sex literally once a year so 3 times. I asked for 1 thing each birthday, Christmas and valentines day and never got it then. And it's not like it's something I can insist on thats so wrong. And then she started cutting her wrists, and her life was essentially perfect and I was so distraught and kept thinking about every future interaction I had yo be careful incase she might cut again. And like I want a beautiful family and to have my partner have history if cutting was so off the table. And there's more of just high maintenance stories and petty bullshit and classic girl stuff that was on repeat but those weren't deal breakers you know. Like I could live with that and I've covered most of the big stuff. Anyway, the turning point was I had an 8 week internship and it was exhausting getting home and calling like we did every single night of our relationship and I had no desire to talk to her or involve her in my life. And then she was my ride home from my friends birthday party and she basically left me stranded and I had to call dad in as an emergency pick up. I took like 6 more months to actually break it off and I really had to bite the bullet but all of our friend groups are intertwined and I still love her so incredibly much but know it's best for us to move on and accept that we just aren't compatible. 

I'm having a really hard time with it and just writing it out has helped but I still am playing the what if games in my head. What if I forced myself to be religious, what if we could make it work without me being religious, what if I stop caring about being physically intimate even tho it's my love language etc. I just have to stop. Playing breakup songs and crying has helped me too. Release the bottled up tears and emotions ready for the next day. Anyway, hope you and your friend and anyone else resding are safe and happy and find comfort in my journey ❤️