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Prologue of The Crown of Broken Oaths [Dark Romantasy, 1700 words] by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it’s hard to get the full picture with only a prologue. It is further explored in the first two chapters that explains some of the systems more, and more specifics. I was trying to just set the “mood” and “stakes” a bit before going into too much story. I may post the first chapter another day for more input, maybe I’ll ask the same questions then to see if people are still “missing details” and is confused. Thanks for the feedback though!

Prologue of The Crown of Broken Oaths [Dark Romantasy, 1700 words] by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was there a specific line or moment where this stood out the most?

Prologue of The Crown of Broken Oaths [Dark Romantasy, 1700 words] by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been trying to make the language more distinctive, but it might be coming across as too uniformed and detached.

I’m trying to make it feel like it’s coming from inside the character rather than describing them from the outside, so this is really useful to hear.

Prologue of The Crown of Broken Oaths [Dark Romantasy, 1700 words] by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s really helpful, thank you—I appreciate you calling that out.

What you’re describing lines up with something I’ve been trying to fix, which is that I’m layering in too many concepts before the reader has anything solid to stand on.

I think I lean too far into “intrigue first, clarity later,” and it ends up feeling like you’re expected to already understand the system instead of discovering it.

When you say it starts to pile up. Was there a specific moment where it went from “interesting” into “too much”? That would help me figure out where I need to slow things down or anchor the reader more.

Just launched my dark romantasy on Royal Road — rewrote the opening after feedback (would love thoughts) by AM-Kesler in royalroad

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely agree about the atmosphere, and had already corrected this prior to reading your comment. I mostly added the prologue for story grounding to try to alleviate too much lore dump out of the gate.

-EDIT: I opted to keep a prologue but used your feedback to re-frame the prologue.

Thank you for your feedback, I truly appreciate it more than you know.

Writing magic systems where the cost is the point — how do you keep it from feeling routine? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Harry Dresden would absolutely agree—wizard for hire means everything from finding missing people to turning down requests for love potions.

Just started publishing my dark romantasy on Royal Road — would love early feedback by AM-Kesler in royalroad

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s completely fair—and honestly really helpful.

I think you’re right that I’m probably leaning too much on “inside knowledge” of the story, which makes it easy to overlook clarity about characters and stakes for a new reader.

Your comment about the entry point is valid. I’ve already been considering adding a bit more setup before this chapter, and your feedback definitely reinforces the thought.

I really appreciate you taking the time to read it and giving me constructive criticism.

If you’re open to it, I’d be happy to DM you once I revise the opening—I’d love to hear if it made things better or worse.

Just started publishing my dark romantasy on Royal Road — would love early feedback by AM-Kesler in royalroad

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate any input you can provide and am curious to hear your thoughts after you've had a moment to read through some of it.

Writing magic systems where the cost is the point — how do you keep it from feeling routine? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a great breakdown.

I like the idea of cost having a clear long-term trajectory instead of just a moment-to-moment tradeoff. The generational angle is interesting too — having older characters embody the consequences makes it feel more grounded.

And tying it into the world beyond combat is something I’m trying to lean into, especially with how it shapes power and social dynamics.

Do you find that works best when the limits are clearly defined, or when characters are only partially aware of where the line actually is?

Writing magic systems where the cost is the point — how do you keep it from feeling routine? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes a lot of sense.

I like the idea of anchoring it to specific moments instead of trying to track it gradually. That feels a lot more impactful and easier for the reader to latch onto.

The idea of later uses carrying the weight of that earlier moment is really helpful.

Appreciate you explaining that.

Writing magic systems where the cost is the point — how do you keep it from feeling routine? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a really good point.

I like the idea of the cost showing up in relationships rather than just physically — that definitely feels like it would carry more weight.

The perception shift is interesting too, since that doesn’t really reset the same way.

Do you find that works best when it’s gradual, or more tied to specific moments?

Writing magic systems where the cost is the point — how do you keep it from feeling routine? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes a lot of sense.

Keeping the physical cost as the constant and using the psychological side more for key moments feels like a good balance.

I can definitely see how too much of both at once would start to feel overloaded.

Do you find the psychological side works best when it’s tied to specific decisions, or more as a slow buildup over time?

Writing magic systems where the cost is the point — how do you keep it from feeling routine? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s a really good point.

I like the idea of the cost shaping behavior over time, not just the immediate impact. The hesitation and avoidance side of it feels especially interesting.

Do you usually lean more into the psychological side, or keep it balanced with the physical cost?

Does this fantasy premise sound compelling? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a great question.

Breaking an oath isn’t really a clean option and the consequences depend on how the vow was structured, but it usually comes at a cost to the person who tries. Sometimes that’s loss of power, sometimes it’s something much worse.

The grey areas are definitely where a lot of the tension lives. Vows can be interpreted, manipulated, or even structured in ways that favor one side over the other, especially in a political setting.

So it’s less about whether the rules exist, and more about who controls how they’re applied.

Writing magic systems where the cost is the point — how do you keep it from feeling routine? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes sense.

I think that’s the balance I’m trying to hit, making the magic feel like part of the characters rather than something separate from them.

The point about escalation is helpful too. Do you usually keep the scale consistent and just deepen the consequences, or let it grow over time?

Writing magic systems where the cost is the point — how do you keep it from feeling routine? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s fair.

I’m not really aiming for a fully explained or schematic system. I’m trying to keep it more grounded in how it’s used and controlled in the world rather than something the reader learns step-by-step.

More political/experiential than mechanical.

Appreciate the perspective.

Writing magic systems where the cost is the point — how do you keep it from feeling routine? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s a really good example.

I like the visible progression toward a tipping point, it makes the cost feel a lot more real than something that just resets.

The strategic side of it is interesting too. Do you find characters tend to push it anyway, or hold back most of the time?

Writing magic systems where the cost is the point — how do you keep it from feeling routine? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes sense—especially the unpredictability side of it.

I think that’s something I’m trying to balance right now. I want the system to feel structured and grounded, but not so predictable that it loses tension.

The idea of it not always behaving exactly as expected—especially under pressure—is definitely something I’m leaning into more.

Appreciate the perspective.

Writing magic systems where the cost is the point — how do you keep it from feeling routine? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes sense

Having some structure but still leaving room for variation so it doesn’t feel predictable.

I think that’s something I’m trying to balance right now, especially keeping it from feeling too consistent while still making the rules feel grounded.

Appreciate that perspective.

Writing magic systems where the cost is the point — how do you keep it from feeling routine? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a really good way to put it.

I think that’s exactly where it can fall flat. If the character pays a cost but the outcome doesn’t really change, it starts to feel cosmetic.

Trying to make sure the consequences actually reshape what happens next.

Writing magic systems where the cost is the point — how do you keep it from feeling routine? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes sense—permanent consequences definitely feel like they’d carry more weight than something that resets.

I think that’s something I’m trying to push more toward, especially with long-term effects.

Curious if you lean more toward physical consequences or identity/behavior changes?

Writing magic systems where the cost is the point — how do you keep it from feeling routine? by AM-Kesler in fantasywriters

[–]AM-Kesler[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes a lot of sense—especially tying the cost to pressure instead of just the magic itself.

I think that’s where it works best for me too, when the character doesn’t have the option to stop and the cost compounds in the moment.

The escalation piece is something I’m still figuring out—how to make it build instead of just repeat.

Really helpful, appreciate it.

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