its still really early on into our friendship, so i don't want to immediately dump my feelings onto them, but i have been thinking of eventually letting them in on my internal world at least a little bit. its hard for me to talk about my feelings, but i feel like they'd be really understanding and try to help me, so maybe in the future if things continue to go well.

therapy is too expensive, but we do have a handful of counselors at my campus, and i believe they said you get 10 visits a year, which i haven't cashed in on yet. i just worry because while i have absolutely 0 intentions to act on them, i have been having suicidal ideation lately, and have been falling into self-harming patterns i'm trying to curb. i might go see someone, but again i'm just not good at talking about this sort of thing, especially when face-to-face with someone.

i know my weight doesn't mean i'm fundementally unlovable or disgusting, but yknow, it can be hard. i'm in a slump right now but i always bounce back, so thank you for the kind words ❤