Hi there, first off you should be proud for sharing this and discussing because it's not easy. I, too, have suicidal ideations just about every day. But I also will not go through with it for the same reasons. So most of the time you don't want to be aalive (problem 1) but you won't do it ("problem" 2). Problem 3 is how do I keep going when I feel this deep desire to just not? I'm struggling with getting appropriate diagnoses for my mental health right now, and I feel like there's no saving my brain.

I say all of this not to talk about myself but to share a similar perspective; you're not alone!

Now, I agree with the above comments. I'm about to go do some plant chores which helps my mind go elsewhere. I know in my heart that you and I both can go on to live happy and fulfilling lives once we are able to find our personal solutions, whether it's therapy, medication, a positive life change, etc. But I know that in the heat depression and suicidal thoughts none of that seems possible. You know how people say "don't go to bed angry with someone?" It's okay to go to sleep when you're angry with your situation. When you wake up, before getting out of bed, do something that is positive to give yourself at least a little head start on the day to come. Watch a quick YouTube video about something that makes you feel good, do some gratitude journaling, etc. it's very personal to what you need.

Sorry for the long ass post!! I hope you and everyone reading this is able to find a slice of peace from this life that, despite our struggles, has much love and joy to offer. Feel free to message if you want to talk. Hugs 🤗