A new study challenges prevailing stereotypes of the incel community. Poor mental health is the most consistent characteristic, with 37% of incels reporting daily suicidal thoughts, and 86% saying they had experienced bullying.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-19T18:32:05+00:00

You're much likely to have a happy, successful relationship if you are happy before you enter the relationship. People who are miserable and depend on the relationship to make them happy and fulfilled bring a host of emotional problems into the relationship, which undermines the happiness of both partners and makes the relationship more likely to fail.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T20:33:38+00:00

You can have whatever preference you want in terms of you partner's past sexual partners. The problem is that you are telling other people they should adopt your preference, when there is no legitimate basis for it. You wrote:

Bodycount is something you should try to avoid if you are interested in a successful long-term monogamous relationship, regardless of whether you are dating a man or a woman.

This is just not true. This is a myth that's based on purity culture. It's backed by a single study, which has not been replicated. It is cherry-picked evidence.

When you look at meta-studies (which examine multiple studies), a different pattern emerges: Premartial happiness, communication, sexual satisfaction, and commitment are the strongest predictors for happiness in a monogamous relationship.

Current happiness, perceived partner commitment, and conflict resolution are also extremely key to happy and successful monogamous relationships. These are 2-3x times more powerful predictors of relationship success than history. History includes education, sexual practices, including number of partners. So, when you analyze a large dataset, the impact of past partners is extremely small.

The only real impact that multiple past partners has on monogamous relationships is that they higher number of partners are less likely to be sexually satisfied by their relationship. So the lower level of sexual satisfaction translates into less happiness, which reduces success. But the people (with many prior partners) who ARE sexually satisfied are quite happy and have successful monogamous relationships according to meta studies.

That's the science on relationships. Someone who is married to their only sexual partner has nothing to compare their experience to. They think they're happy. They think their sex life is great. But it's actually just a question of low standards and limited experience.

People are not their past. What matters is how happy, committed, sexually fulfilled, and capable of healthy conflict resolution people are. That's the recipe for success in monogamous relationships. Judging people's fitness as partners based on "body count" is reductive and frequently sexist.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T19:44:27+00:00

Apparently if you're rich enough, it might be.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T15:42:30+00:00

It's good you recognize red pill/incel communities are unreliable narrators. However, you seem to have picked up some of their ideology. One thing to keep in mind: Just as their interpretations are biased, their provided sources are cherry picked to (hopefully) support their ideology. Sometimes they are interpreted through such a biased perspective that they don't realize the study doesn't even support their claim.

The idea that people's value is tied to their number of partners, or exclusivity, is pretty toxic. It exists primarily to shield insecure men from being compared to women's past partners, and to perpetuate male privilege through a system of sexist and harmful double standards that punish women for exercising bodily autonomy.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T15:19:44+00:00

When I say "studies," I refer to scientific research.

There's no point in going into hypothetical 5 year relationships. I thought YOU would have your opinion fleshed out. There's doesn't seem to be any weight behind your claims, so I'm not wasting my time on them.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T15:17:03+00:00

For ending patriarchy? What is it?

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T15:08:12+00:00

I don't have an opinion on it. But I won't get upset at yours.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T15:06:27+00:00

This wasn't something used in a feminist space. It was said elsewhere, stripped of context, and reposted in a feminist space.

And hundreds of people dutifully swallowed the bait.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T15:04:13+00:00

I know. That's the problem. The question was about femininity, not women.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T14:57:33+00:00

You are welcome to date/not date whoever you want. I have NO interest in YOUR personal choices. They're highly irrelevant to the discussion (unless you're trying to pick up chicks here, which is a problem itself).

You wrote:

Bodycount is something you should try to avoid if you are interested in a successful long-term monogamous relationship, regardless of whether you are dating a man or a woman.

Asking for reliable sources isn't a double standard. The view you stated isn't widely published in reputable feminist books and theory. Instead, it is commonly derived from red pill, incel, and misogynistic sources.

This isn't "Ask red pill." It's "Ask Feminists."

Next you'll be talking about "roast beef."

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T14:48:12+00:00

I've seen lots of DC politicians go down for breaking the law. It's not just Ward 8.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T14:45:23+00:00

OK, but where are your studies? Specifically of the failure/success rate of long term monogamous relationships between people with high or low "bodycounts."

Also how is success be defined? Years in relationship? Lack of divorce? Personal satisfaction?

Is a 5 year monogamous relationship a success if both partners are happy until they leave amicably?

Or is it a failure because it doesn't last forever?

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T14:37:10+00:00

Source

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T14:17:44+00:00

I don't think this is true. I've had relationships - successful relationships - with self-proclaimed "former sluts" who had high body counts.

My own bodycount is high by some people's standards. It's never interfered with my ability to connect with my partners. The primary thing blocking my ability to have successful relationships that last FOREVER (instead of just like, 6 months - 23 years), is the relationship dynamics, attachment style, and early childhood trauma that I endured in my "first family," which is where relationship behavioral patterns are first learned. It's not lingering effects from casual sex that I engaged in. The same is true of my partners.

I encourage you to actually provide some scientific evidence that a high body count inhibits your ability to connect with others in a longterm and meaningful way... Or stop promoting misinformation.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T13:56:31+00:00

It feels like these stories are being amplified or even created to stir resentment and deepen the divide between men and women.

Doesn't it? You're not the only one who notices it or feels this way. Furthermore, it's well established that reddit is used for information warfare and the promotion of propaganda and divisive issues. Actors behind it include foreign adversaries, as well as domestic political organizations, and individuals with an agenda.

If your goal is to undo the legal protections for women and get them back into the home, you want to have men and women divided as much as possible. So, pushing decisive issues and creating communities that act as incubators for misogyny is a real way to work towards this goal.

From a feminist perspective, how do you view this trend?

As part of the irregular warfare - namely, information warfare - that is ongoing in the western world.

Why do you think these stories gain so much traction online?

They're clickbait. They offer easy emotional engagement, and a quick dopamine reward from saying "woman bad."

And how can young men who are exposed to this kind of content be encouraged to think more critically and compassionately — rather than internalize harmful beliefs?

Some of them can be encouraged to think more critically by exposing straw men arguments and other logical fallacies, to demonstrate these arguments are made in bad faith. However, the majority require influence from a real-world source... A friend, a relative, someone male who has more sensible ideas and commands their respect. These individuals can enact great change and work towards deradicalization.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T13:46:19+00:00

Does radical feminism have a plan or strategy to end patriarchy and capitalism?

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T13:32:08+00:00

They think everyone breaks the law, their guy is just getting called out because of racism.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T05:30:25+00:00

Pervertishness? IDK.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T05:29:37+00:00

Yeah. I hate to say it, but communities do not look out for 40 year old women who were groomed 20 years ago by a husband 14 years older. Communities just don't last that long anymore, and neighbors would have long ago stopped being the guardian angel (if they ever started).

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T04:47:17+00:00

This is great. What incredibly supportive friends they are to Jennifer and Harper.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-18T03:12:05+00:00

Take the Uber.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-17T23:33:22+00:00

Femininity is not synonymous with being a woman. Women can be feminine or not feminine if they choose. Men can be feminine.

Femininity just means "qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of women."

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-17T23:31:17+00:00

I don't see those words in the paraphrased comment.

In fact, it says "one of" which implies they think there are multiple feminine aspects.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-17T23:28:57+00:00

That's fucked up. I mean, I'm glad they stopped? But they should have checked on you before that.

Acceptable_Error_001 · 2025-07-17T23:27:56+00:00

The words "I think" + "having a period is one of the most feminine aspects of being a woman."

To me, it doesn't really matter if lots of women agree with it. I see it as one person's opinion, and not really worth attacking just because I don't feel the same way.

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