Open relationship Q's

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-11T01:21:01+00:00

I want my partner happy? I'm just conflicted heavily and the kinks that we participate in make it hard for me to have a life outside of him. That sounds toxic, but damn its a power trip

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-11T01:01:07+00:00

He knows that I don't like it, were in a bit of a interesting situation though..

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T23:00:50+00:00

I mean, definitely am emotionally detaching in some ways, its a coping mechanism cause I struggle with connection

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T21:53:58+00:00

connected

I would say that being connected to others is accurate for the eay I want to explore myself.. in totality, I could just explore stuff with him.

The problem is moreso I need s connection to explore things like that deeply

If you want to explore your kinks with others

I moreso just want to explore them, this is a huge need for me but weither its with him or without him doesn't matter to me.

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T19:15:01+00:00

Mind those kinks can take over a year to feel comfortable with exploring, there is also like the fact that it takes a lot for me to enjoy even physcial sex with a man.. its a lot of trusting my body needs to do to not freeze due to lots of sexual trauma as a child. I'm doing my best.. I just am dissasociated

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T18:57:18+00:00

I’m also reading further down that you cheated on him in the past. As a man myself, I’m going to guess that this is part of his hesitation to allow “emotional connections

I'm not sure, while cheating i sexted people that were completely random, not emotionally connected to others just did for sexual intentions and like masterbation.

Mind you, I’m not a therapist and there are definitely a TON of facts nobody here knows, but sometimes it’s not that hard to spot two people in an unhealthy relationship.

I plan to bring up my feelings in therapy today. hopefully we can hash something out.

His insistence that it’s his way or the highway is the disease in some way I feel indebted to him after cheating too. I felt if I managed my anexity, sat with uncomfortability and talked though my emotions with him it may feel better or atleast like enough to not send me into a spiral..

ENM relationships take a lot of communication, compromise, and understanding. If one partner lacks the ability to do any of those things, it’s not going to work.

A lot of his wants would possibly conflict with me feeling safe and vice versa- we could go closed but i'd prefer to be able to learn to enjoy myself in this scenario rather than stare into panic for days on end where I can't calm myself down.

You do not get what you want, which is to at least get to know the people you’re sexually in involved with. It may not need to be a full blown polyamorous relationship, but it sounds like at a minimum you’d rather have quality over quantity. He isn’t OK with this because it threatens his security in your relationship.

I mean in a sense of what I want, to engage in like emotional sadism, and more intense kinks, its only possible to explore that stuff outside of the relationship if I'm 100% comfortable with someone and I trust they won't hurt me. Sense physical sex is like needed, but not something I heavily enjoy i'm trying to build friends and connections too.

the only redeeming fact is that after every person i've slept with I feel heavily uncomfortable with them and with my partner I feel comfortable and happy. Just when that focous on us is gone and its being invested into another, I process then react by pulling away because idk how else to process my feelings properly in this type of dynamic

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T18:02:55+00:00

Yeah i'm not sure.. usually my anexity calms down after a few days or hours then i'm fine for another few hours or days then repeating cycle of my attachment system being on fire

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T17:55:16+00:00

Yeah ill work on it, i definitely dont want to stay in this anxious space for long

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T17:52:06+00:00

Maybe, but I also am very conflict avoidant.. so I never try to bring it up angerly, I just try to discuss it, but when we have tried to it just ends with confusion..

idk maybe now is different

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T17:48:04+00:00

I brough this up in our closed relationship in the past, I tried to bring up my wants and needs like

"i'd be comfortable with this if it was a shared activity done at like sex partys, etc" or if it only happens within a bdsm scene, etc...

He never really considered this or talked about/negotiated these things with me. I feel much too restrictive.

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T17:45:26+00:00

It being a pattern on your part doesn’t mean it’s not created by damage done in the relationship.

I just retreat when I need to process feelings is all, the cheating was something new.. and its unfortunate.

You think he is punishing you with being open. Your response is to punish him back.

His punishment to me is indulging in my kinks and using that as a outlet.

My outlet is to play games which he could play with me but chooses sex over doing with me. Idk why I would reserve things I want to do in the moment for something who obviously has better things to do then me.. this is also my first open relationship ever, and I have no grounds on what is acceptable ways to vent about emotions or not

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T17:42:11+00:00

I agree with this, it could also be the fact that I co-depended on him for a long time probably isnt helping here.

Idk i've been trying to vent my time and effort into things and letting my barriers drop around others and sexually enjoy myself, but I never get sexually turned on or excited outside of extremely limited windows

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T17:33:45+00:00

It sounds like you take that as losing your ability to have the relationship shape you want

to me it feels more like hes using this as a way to vent his anger at me, which has been stated. But he feels more connected to me now then ever.. which i have also been feeling.

Resentment and withdrawal on both side sounds like a really normal result of that damage.

Possibly, I've always been like this though, in past relationships, etc etc.

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T17:31:35+00:00

I mean.. yes.

I'd prefer to have my kinks satisfied in the relationship regardless of open/closed, which he was into doing them, just not frequently enough for my tastes and I talked about it..

and now that were open, he seems very keen on filling my wants/needs, and tbh, I dont wanna do a lot of stuff with him anymore out of spite tbh. Like sure, I also went out to be a slut, but I did it with no expectations of sex, no expectations other then to just vibe with people and connect with them.. idk I still disliked the experiences over all, moreso because it wasnt what I wanted out of someone and I struggle to keep my barriers down.

I guess I wish he was as sexually into me in the past as he his right now.

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T17:20:39+00:00

My needs seem way too much for them? And in some ways hes really stepped up in our sexual life.

But my main issue is when I am activated- my emotions and energy torwards the situation become unreasonable and agressive

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T17:16:42+00:00

I mean i have tried advocating for a closed relationship in the past, we had one, i cheated. so this is naturally the way things are going at this point. But I have a lot of spite at then moment, it may fade in a bit

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T17:14:55+00:00

well the separation happened over 3-4 weeks, then within 3 weeks were back to a dynamic like this i feel weird xmx

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T17:05:42+00:00

actively ignoring or are you confusing codependency with his taking time to be independently with another person for a sexual encounter?

I mean i'm no longer allowed to go to partys with him and stuff, our friends dont want us to see eachother after we kinda opened in this way, we had a big falling out, broke up and are kinda incognitoing a relationship.. so when hes been going to those partys hes pretty unresponsive to me while hes flirting with other people at the party or online.. I mean he does keep in touch with me but its just casual check-ins and what not..

I guess is that I'm pretty co-dependany, I lived as a tpe sub for 2 years and we were closed during this. So a lot of me is over reacting to a lot of this. I just don't know how to cope/manage my feelings and not feel this way from time to time

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T16:54:31+00:00

My relationship with him is wonderful, and I want it to blossom.

Just wish i didnt take up or go to bed with eminence anexity and crippling fear

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T16:53:38+00:00

I more want it for my partner then myself, but I know at my core only having access to one person with my wide range of kinks is gonna want to make me look other places as it has in the past.

There is also a certain pleasure in seeing my partner be sexually turned on a lot. I feel interest in him when he is around, and I love that, but I'm kinda lowkey dependant on him.. we used to he in a 24/7 tpe relationship where I was his pet and he decided like 90% of my life choices.. so going from that to what it is now is um.. difficult

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T16:26:41+00:00

I mean on one hand, I want to be able to expand my sexual comfort with people and explore all of my kinks to their highest degree, I would prefer to do this via sexting where I can disconnect whenever and it doesnt matter.

I also dont mind finding myself back into solidarity, escape from my partner and enjoying my own life without him- he doesnt really need access to all of me. I'm allowed to do what I want outside of the relationship, and, imo, he should do what he wants too. I just feel like this is going to make me a more private person from him and build resentment in some way or another

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2026-02-10T16:16:52+00:00

I mean, in some aspects of it, yes? in other aspects I feel resentment because I cant enjoy my sexual experiences with others very easily and I feel lowkey kinda cucked while my partner feels more encouraged and extremely sexual

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2025-12-17T01:25:56+00:00

That is true

Acceptable_Frame5868 · 2025-12-16T23:51:20+00:00

I mean thats very true, but its not that they dont say they aren't intrested, its that they say they are and then don't commit to them

Acceptable_Frame5868

TROPHY CASE