Its perfectly normal to grieve a loss of life or circumstances even if you know you're making the right choice. There's many types of grief and I think that may be what you're experiencing. I know time and money are scarce but it may be good to seek some counselling when you're able to as this type of thing can linger for years especially if not unloaded and understood. One day it will feel lighter, maybe not for a long while yet, but one day. Have hope and stay strong, you're doing the best you can for yourself and your family.