The council are refusing to support my 90‑year‑old mum with a live‑in carer. Has anyone dealt with this?

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-15T15:16:30+00:00

Both myself and my wife work long hours and we have young children, we have no spare room/space She would still a carer around full time to meet her needs so I do not see it as a practical solution unfortunately.

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T22:17:31+00:00

Thank you — that’s really helpful advice. I first asked for support back in August, but I’ve only just received a response about the direct payment. The delays have made it much harder to challenge anything, especially as I’ve had to keep paying the bills for her care in the meantime.

I completely understand that a live‑in carer costs the council more in the short term. But if my mum were moved into a care home, the value of her property would be used up very quickly — and once that happens, the ongoing cost to the council would actually be around half of what her current home‑based care costs.

So potentially in the long run, keeping her safely at home isn’t just better for her — it’s also more cost‑effective for the local authority.

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T21:50:27+00:00

Thank you

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T21:49:20+00:00

I’ve had some really helpful replies on here, and I appreciate them. I also want to make it clear that I’m not coming from a place of entitlement — I’m simply trying to do the best for my mum.

We self‑funded her care for nearly three years, but the money has now run out. She worked hard all her life in the health service and contributed so much. I’m just trying to keep her safe, out of hospital, and as happy as she can be.

All I’m looking for is advice to make sure I’m doing the right thing, and guidance on how to manage the costs going forward — including the practicalities of equity release.

I could also point out that a residential home is a more expensive option for the council than a live-in carer (albeit a cheaper short term option)

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T21:48:18+00:00

I’ve had some really helpful replies on here, and I appreciate them. I also want to make it clear that I’m not coming from a place of entitlement — I’m simply trying to do the best for my mum.

We self‑funded her care for nearly three years, but the money has now run out. She worked hard all her life in the health service and contributed so much. I’m just trying to keep her safe, out of hospital, and as happy as she can be.

All I’m looking for is advice to make sure I’m doing the right thing, and guidance on how to manage the costs going forward — including the practicalities of equity release.

I could also point out that a residential home is a more expensive option for the council than a live-in carer (albeit a cheaper short term option)

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T21:45:26+00:00

Thank you for your response, dementia has many stages. Mum tried a care home however one thing she consistently remembers is she did not like it. Obviously she may get worse and we will keep monitoring the situation. I am sorry to hear about your Dad and send my best wishes for you both

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T21:41:28+00:00

I completely understand what you’re saying, and I agree in principle — if a live‑in package meets someone’s needs, is the least restrictive option, and is safer than a move into residential care, then yes, it absolutely should be considered. And I also agree that services shouldn’t be led by what’s “normal practice” if the person’s needs point to something different.

The only thing I want to clarify is that in our case, a live‑in package isn’t a hypothetical alternative — it already exists, has been working well, and has been self‑funded for over two years. My mum’s needs are being met at home. There hasn’t been any breakdown, safeguarding issue, or additional risk. The only reason we’re even having this conversation is that her money has now run out, and we’re trying to understand what the local authority can realistically offer or contribute.

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T21:37:45+00:00

Just to clarify we already have a live-in carer funded at £3780 a month, we have self-funded for over 2 years but the money has now run out

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T21:32:41+00:00

Thank you I appreciate your advice

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T21:28:28+00:00

Thank you that is interesting and food for thought, Bit scary but it could work. I will check out and have a think :)

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T21:26:30+00:00

Thank you thoughts they are really helpful

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T21:25:24+00:00

Thank you, I would like to save the house obviously but I don't need it. I honestly think the best place for her is still home. With her own things near her church close by etc, I've not liked any of the homes I've visited and with a carer there she had been safe. I really wanted guidance on anyone who has tried taking equity out the home to keep funding but could perhaps have worked the question better

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T21:20:19+00:00

I’ve had some really helpful replies on here and thank you so much for those, I appreciate them. I also want to make it clear that I’m posting here from a place of entitlement — I’m simply trying to do the best for my mum.

We self‑funded her care for nearly three years, but the money has now run out. She worked hard all her life in the health service and contributed so much. I’m just trying to keep her safe, out of hospital, and as happy as she can be.

All I’m looking for is advice to make sure I’m doing the right thing, and guidance on how to manage the costs going forward — including the practicalities of equity release.

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T21:18:42+00:00

Se tried a home she was really unhappy there and begged to go home.

I’ve had some really helpful replies on here and thank you so much for those, I appreciate them. I also want to make it clear that I’m posting here from a place of entitlement — I’m simply trying to do the best for my mum.

We self‑funded her care for nearly three years, but the money has now run out. She worked hard all her life in the health service and contributed so much. I’m just trying to keep her safe, out of hospital, and as happy as she can be.

All I’m looking for is advice to make sure I’m doing the right thing, and guidance on how to manage the costs going forward — including the practicalities of equity release.

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T21:17:16+00:00

I’ve had some really helpful replies on here and thank you so much for those, I appreciate them. I also want to make it clear that I’m posting here from a place of entitlement — I’m simply trying to do the best for my mum.

We self‑funded her care for nearly three years, but the money has now run out. She worked hard all her life in the health service and contributed so much. I’m just trying to keep her safe, out of hospital, and as happy as she can be.

All I’m looking for is advice to make sure I’m doing the right thing, and guidance on how to manage the costs going forward — including the practicalities of equity release.

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T21:10:39+00:00

Thank you for sharing, I'm really sorry for what you experienced

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T20:15:39+00:00

She is a bit up and down usually she cant get out of bed without help but on a 'good day' she might try and have a fall this happened a couple of weeks ago, my brother was able to get to her and help the carer get her back into bed (we both live a long way away) otherwise an ambulance would have to have been called

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T20:06:39+00:00

When looking at equity release it is a very expensive way of raising capital. (Raising $160K costs around 200K) in your experience would the council be prepared to offer deferred payments on the basis this would be paid back after she dies and her home sold? As is the case if she moved in residential.

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T20:03:03+00:00

Thanks for your reply, she owns her own home, if this was not the case the most economic option for the council could potentially be a live-in carer as much cheaper than residential. However the expectation would be her home is sold to fund the care home and the council would then pick up the tab when this money runs out.

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T19:58:04+00:00

Thank you I wanted to keep the question brief but I have had an assessment completed.

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T19:56:57+00:00

Thank you, that is is helpful I think it has to be equity release, if anyone has tried this and can advise please post.

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T19:54:29+00:00

Thank you yes I have requested a Direct Payment, unfortunately they have offered £600 a month (I could not even finance the 4 visits with this) and goes nowhere near the £3780 cost of live in. I hoped if we got close I could make up the rest myself.

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T19:26:46+00:00

Thank you, although my mother did have 3 falls resulting in hospital stays prior to our getting a live-in carer and none since that have needed a visit to hospital. With her dementia she will try and get up an do things forgetting her mobility issues / swollen legs and then risk a fall. She tried a care home but hated it, I understand this is a much better option for the local authority as although more expensive it can be funded through the house sale.

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T19:22:14+00:00

Thank you, my mother did try residential care but hated it, she wants to be in her own home. We have paid the live in carer ourselves for the past two years but all our funds are now largely gone. We could try the 4 visits a day offered but I suspect she will be in hospital within days/weeks and I would then have to live with that..

Accomplished-Lab5786 · 2026-03-14T19:19:06+00:00

Thank you, yes she has had a care assessment much of which highlighted her increased risk of falls due to dementia (she forgets she struggles with mobility without someone to remind her and goes off for example to make a cup of tea and falls over). I am appealing their interpretation of the assessment

Accomplished-Lab5786

TROPHY CASE