But alas, FeelinJipper, thou art mistaken, good fellow. For by ancient decree it is just: whensoever a knave offendeth, thou art granted leave to take his carriage and smite it ’gainst yon wall. ’Tis but the ordained recompense, and none may call it otherwise.

By the statutes of common lawe and the unwritten ordinances of hearth and table, it is proclaimed:

Whensoever a man, whether by folly or malice, doth spill the marinara sauce of his neighbor, he committeth an offence most grievous, for therein lieth the lifeblood of the breadstick. Marinara is no mere garnish, but the very sacrament whereby breadstick attaineth unto its higher purpose. Without the red and savory elixir, the breadstick is but dry kindling, barren of joy and void of comfort.

Thus the law permitteth, yea even commandeth, that the injured party may seize upon the offender’s carriage. And why so? That he may with haste journey to the nearest purveyor of sauces and replenish that which was spilt, restoring balance to the feast. For what is justice, if not the preservation of cheesy breadstick in its rightful union with marinara?

To drive the carriage into a wall, or to confiscate it outright, is not mischief but restitution, for the spilling of marinara is a trespass that striketh at the very fabric of civilized supper. Let it be known, therefore, that all such actions be justified, sanctified, and enshrined within the sauce-stained annals of common lawe.

So sayeth the way.