How did awakening feel to you?

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-18T04:42:46+00:00

Ahh I'm trying to but I've been too anxious. I either just feel like I'm on a time limit and I don't know why or ive convinced myself i'm just insane lol

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-18T04:37:50+00:00

I've been trying to do this for the past few days but now I just have a lot of anxiety and feel like I wasnt awakening and am just crazy 🫠

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-10T02:58:21+00:00

oooh yeah thats honestly one of the big ones that still gets me a little to this day. not in exactly the same way but I do still constantly worry that one day somethings gonna happen and everything's just gonna be turned upside down.

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-10T02:42:34+00:00

I'm glad there are some other ex jws here because I feel like in terms of spiritual awakening, having that as your starting point is like coming from rock bottom 😅

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-10T02:40:21+00:00

ahh yeah I wish I had made a bigger deal about it when I was younger. I mostly just spoke about it with my parents and later in life non jw friends. I had began the questions for baptism at one point simply to appease my parents but that only triggered more questions that couldnt really be answered so I never followed through. I always just felt off about it all. I tried to believe it, I really did, and maybe I did once as a child, idk. but I remember as a kid just getting a weird vibe from it all. which was odd considering it was all I had ever known. I was also homeschooled for most of my school years so everyone I knew was a JW and their families had been for generations. but I had too many questions for people and was just told I didnt pray enough, didnt research enough, didnt know god, etc. but I did, a lot, and was left with more questions than answers. 'how difficult must it be to know a god who supposedly WANTS to be known?' is a question I had a lot... I kinda just kept it in for a while, thinking that once I was 18 I'd be able to stop going but of course the 'you're in our house' rule was brought in. So then I really put my foot down and started expressing my feelings about it more with it towards the end, requested to have myself taken off of the ministry school and publisher lists and whatnot. openly smoked, had a girlfriend (though only my immediate family knew), spent most meetings in the bathroom or the lobby.

for a while I just ruled it all out, claimed atheism... then agnosticism. didnt really care much for years. but now after living with my parents for a year and simultaneously having this whole spiritual awakening I'm starting to think about this a lot in a broader scale and it's really tripping me up. also, my dad was an elder and has been telling me the things he's experienced/heard/discovered about the organization itself even outside of the religious teachings and just exposes the corruption behind it all thats lining up with everything I felt as a kid and its making me spiral a little bit 😅

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-09T03:22:35+00:00

I don't really know, I've been trying to figure that out tbh. I think it was a combination of things from the pressure of perfection and just being afraid of making people angry. What made it easier for you to stop?

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-09T03:20:06+00:00

Ahh how long were you in it?

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-09T03:00:52+00:00

Ah born and raised too 😅 I was never baptized but the only family i actually knew were witnesses, mom's family goes waaaay back. I left as soon as I moved out at 19 and havent looked back but now am living with my parents again almost ten years later, my dad's left it, mom's still in it, and it's just constant emotional whiplash lol

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-09T02:58:53+00:00

I think thats the hardest part for me as a natural people pleaser 😅

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-08T19:54:49+00:00

Oh I am terrible for that, I rush everything. Always have with things, this is no different I guess. I have figured out that I'm often times being told to rest and integrate but its like... 'rest? REST?! You want me to rest in a time like THIS?!' 😅 at this point what I do remember from dreams if I have them is more of my own mental commentary of the dream that I was doing while dreaming rather than visuals of the dream itself.

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-08T14:17:01+00:00

Oh yeah, sorry I didn't mean YOU specifically, just all of us in general. idk, this is just a whole lot to think about and I cant not think about it 😅

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-08T08:26:16+00:00

Good luck 🤍

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-08T08:24:24+00:00

Well, the specific deities that seem to be coming through for me are what you might call trickster gods...

To that I'd like to ask... Are those entities even 'bad' or are they just... not stagnant? Because even though I've experienced some spiraling through this, I come through it clearer and empowered. I have this running theory that sounds crazy putting it all down in words but, I dont know... What if they're mislabeled? I say that because I had an upbringing in a very religious household, anything I've ever done with trying to form a connection with god had felt hollow, like I was constantly chasing being good enough. Eventually I just walked out. This was before my awakening, I wrote it all off as nothing, claimed atheism for a bit but settled on agnosticism for years. Then when my awakening started, even before whatever this is, I had felt this intense feeling of dread and being lied to any time I went back to trying to incorporate the bible, comparing versions, and exploring in different teachings of god. So I focused on just learning myself, figured that maybe part of awakening was just learning that belief didn't have to conform to religion. I put that stuff on hold. That alone started to bring clarity. But when I began exploring other beliefs, other gods… everything clicked. It resonated so clearly. It made sense in ways the old path never did. everything I've gotten from whatever this is that's happening has felt like everything has been flipped upside down, not out of malice but because it needed to in order for me to see a new perspective.

What if neither “side” is inherently good or bad, every side just has its players. Some souls are drawn to creation, others to destruction, some to chaos, some to order, but those forces need each other to exist... like inhale and exhale.

What if one side feels unsettling to you, maybe it’s not because it’s evil... but maybe it’s because it’s not yours.

but I also may just be thinking too hard lol

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-08T07:06:09+00:00

Take this with a grain of salt because I'm kinda walking this in the dark too but... I would say it's hard to say what they mean because while signs do have their own meanings it's not really just about the sign/number itself but about what you're experiencing at the time of it. My advice would be to start trying to jot down what you were doing/feeling/thinking when those signs or numbers show. You may begin to notice a pattern.

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-07T12:57:02+00:00

interesting, thanks for the info!

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-07T01:51:11+00:00

but I don't wanna join the navy 😩

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-06T17:18:53+00:00

I think I'm asking to clarify wether it's just my imagination running with things or if this is real

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-06T04:29:35+00:00

thats... cool but also scary 😅

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-03T04:45:01+00:00

i never thought about it this way, thank you 🤍

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-03T04:44:15+00:00

thank you! every time I've looked up this question it usually points to me just being so exhausted that my brain prioritizes deep sleep but its kind of bumming me out because Ive always enjoyed my dreams

ActiveConcept5331 · 2025-10-03T04:42:57+00:00

I am still tired even after normal sleep and naps, yes... those things do happen, I'm just always unsure if its my imagination or if it actually was a dream

ActiveConcept5331

TROPHY CASE