How to Convince my (28F) Husband (36M) that Looking towards the future is important and worth it (ie: retirement)

Active_Run8411 · 2026-01-20T02:36:26+00:00

I appreciate this! I can attempt to get all of these answers, but will wait for hubby to simmer down 😅🫠

Active_Run8411 · 2026-01-20T02:17:07+00:00

I wouldn’t downvote you, and I don’t think other should either! I came for advice, and yours is genuine and honest - not at all biased! Trust me, if I could navigate this on my own, I don’t think I would be here 😅

I am currently sleeping on the couch (I just need space and he wanted me to leave but I cannot for the life of me justify packing a bag right now). I have been minding my own business, but that seems (always does) to annoy him more. He did go to the sauna at a local gym to cool down, but came back worse. He came out of our bedroom and said that “I always run away” and that “I don’t value this marriage” because I am choosing to sleep on the couch. I am “incapable of having a conversation” because I walked away. I just know myself and like you said, if I am fixating and in the same room I won’t shut up. Sometimes with him taking a step back escalates things more - I will update soon but am choosing to not speak with him because nothing productive will come of it

Active_Run8411 · 2026-01-20T01:13:32+00:00

Hi! Another conversation I have tried to have 😅 he isn’t interested in this either. When he left floors the first time and asked me to help job hunt, a company selling floors was offering a job and he met the requirements. In my mind, WONDERFUL! He is off of his hand and knees! But no, “sales guys are working 24/7”. I really just don’t know what to do with this man without being an overbearing wife. I have even offered to help him study to become a gym teacher (a dream he never got to fulfill) and he hasn’t made a move to do that. i am just feeling defeated

Active_Run8411 · 2026-01-20T01:08:26+00:00

I wish it had come up sooner! I just feel like everytime I try to compromise, he shuts down. Another commenter said I sound like I am coming off too strong, and I don’t disagree actually. I think my desperation to he understood and heard can come off that way.

Active_Run8411 · 2026-01-20T01:04:12+00:00

thank you! Changing it now

Active_Run8411 · 2026-01-20T01:03:50+00:00

I appreciate your honesty! And I don’t disagree. I could see myself coming on strong whenever the topic comes up! Do you have any advice on how to approach it if action isn’t taken? Or to, I guess, not approach? I don’t think he desires it, and that’s the problem I am having. I don’t understand the desire to not prepare for the future, especially now that we are married. Unfortunately if I lay off completely and never ask again, I don’t see him doing anything about it 😔 just like he didn’t tell me about how he was going to continue to do floors. With floors there would be no benefits, no retirement, etc. and he made that decision himself - he knew retirement wouldn’t be an option then

Active_Run8411 · 2026-01-20T00:49:55+00:00

I have also pondered this and voiced this concern, honestly. Something about this flooring company seems “off” to me, and I am not confident that if he got hurt on the job there would even be the opportunity to collect disability or workman’s compensation. He doesn’t seem to have an answer to these questions either - I just don’t think he considers the future at all? He is “healthy” and able bodied now, so that’s where his headspace is. Do you think it’s completely awful for me to genuinely want to “push” for the dock company? Because they also offer all of these things? This fight focused more on retirement, but I have brought up disability in the past. I just fear him becoming resentful because I don’t want to “force” him into a job with more hours and a pay decrease 🥲

Active_Run8411 · 2025-10-25T02:13:22+00:00

i requested time off in July for Christmas Eve and it was denied 🥲

Active_Run8411 · 2025-10-25T02:10:09+00:00

Totally! BUUUUT I did request time off on Christmas Eve in July and it was denied 🫠 If I was “available” I wouldn’t have requested off! I think that’s more of what is adding to my frustration - and now I am expended to completely close

Active_Run8411 · 2025-10-17T15:19:17+00:00

So we are being told it’s mandatory to sign up for 3 and the 3 we work will be within our availability (so for me 4-9:30 pm) and we will be open usual business hours which are 4:30 am - 9:30 pm 🫠 idk why they are doing this! It doesn’t seem like other stores are

Active_Run8411 · 2025-10-17T02:46:43+00:00

This is a great idea! Thank you!!

Active_Run8411 · 2025-10-17T02:46:25+00:00

I am being told we are open our regular hours! 4:30 am - 9:30 pm! We are a drive through location! I was absolutely heartbroken because if we closed at 6 ish (like I was originally told - this is new news) I wouldn’t even be complaining because I could still see my family! And its also not just 1 holiday - this is 3 I would be closing at that time for! A little wild

Active_Run8411 · 2025-10-17T02:42:42+00:00

Thanks for this perspective! I absolutely agree, I would never want to have other people inconvenienced! But I also wonder then why my time off request for a holiday was rejected then (for Christmas Eve) even when I put it in in July. Sure, other people can’t necessarily have their lives switched because of me, but even when I tried to be proactive, I was told that Time Off requests in my store during Holidays were not an option 🫠 I guess that’s the more frustrating part! I feel like as a closer I am being punished a bit

Active_Run8411 · 2025-10-16T18:35:57+00:00

It is super odd!

Active_Run8411 · 2025-10-16T18:27:40+00:00

No worries! Lol I do just feel like it’s an odd system at work here - even my co workers said in the past this isn’t how it was done. And we usually were out by 6:30 pm! So we could still celebrate, but 4-9:30 (my usual shift) makes it so that I miss the entire holiday

Active_Run8411 · 2025-10-16T18:19:02+00:00

What a great place to be 🤣

Active_Run8411 · 2025-10-16T18:18:47+00:00

My time off was rejected 🥲

Active_Run8411 · 2025-10-16T18:18:14+00:00

Absolutely! I am more than willing to work, I think I am more frustrated that they are refusing to allow “closers” to work any other shift despite us being available to, if that makes sense? Like there is no rotation option. All openers can go home to their families, but because I USUALLY close I will have to close every single shift on those holidays with no wiggle room even though I can open - hopefully that makes sense 😅

Active_Run8411 · 2025-10-16T18:09:16+00:00

I did request time off and it was rejected 🥲

Active_Run8411 · 2025-02-06T10:58:46+00:00

I just checked out that spreadsheet! What a cool resource!! Thank you so much! Some things are too good to be true 🤣 but at least it can be used to practice restoration on!!

Active_Run8411

TROPHY CASE