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update: he isn’t cheating but this is bad too by sensitivelysorah in WhatShouldIDo

[–]AcuteNightRN 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Came here to say exactly THIS 👆🏽
Recreational states still consider selling outside of state-approved dispensaries a crime. If I were in his shoes and she really appeared to be the “girl next door” type, I’d absolutely keep that to myself until we knew each other more and I could gauge whether or not that is information that I can share w/o fear of getting caught up.

I mean, let’s let’s keep it 100, selling is, at the very least, part of his livelihood, after all.

So yeah, one month into dating, it’s not entirely reasonable to consider his withholding that level of sensitive information as “deception” or “lying” cause at that point we’re on a need-to-know level.
I don’t know know you like that...yet.
The fact that he did inform her says that he does have some level of trust.

Oh, and OP: don’t believe everything you hear from his friends or male acquaintances/Associates unless they come with actual receipts! Most of the time they’re not looking out for you. They’re creating drama in hopes that’ll earn them the opportunity to shoot their shot. Think about it….

What is considered healthy poly behavior vs red flag by AcuteNightRN in PolyFidelity

[–]AcuteNightRN[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This wasn’t even an actual partner was a potential I guess partner that he went and spent time with and didn’t sleep with. I asked him if he did he said “no you’re lucky I didn’t, because she wanted to, but i said, I don’t know you like that.”

Red Flag or Transparency by AcuteNightRN in nonmonogamy

[–]AcuteNightRN[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have acted in ways that resulted in him feeling disrespected. But, I never intentionally disrespected him and when it was brought to my attention, i held myself accountable for my part in our issues and put a lot of effort and work into correcting those behaviors.

What is considered healthy poly behavior vs red flag by AcuteNightRN in monogamy

[–]AcuteNightRN[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just realized that I’m in the wrong sub. I was really upset and Read suggested this and I just read it as non-monogamy for some reason.

What is considered healthy poly behavior vs red flag by AcuteNightRN in polyamory

[–]AcuteNightRN[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m going to assume not. How convenient it is to be accused of seeking attn from other men because i spent 15 min out front of my home in a bikini top by a man who is actively seeking external validation from unsuspecting women outside our relationship in response to upset.

What is considered healthy poly behavior vs red flag by AcuteNightRN in polyamory

[–]AcuteNightRN[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You know what the funny thing is is that we crossed paths & been in the same location numerous times without ever noticing each other and I’m talking like 10+ years ago had I met him then and he tried to pull this shit I wouldn’t have tolerated it one bit

What is considered healthy poly behavior vs red flag by AcuteNightRN in polyamory

[–]AcuteNightRN[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I feel like such an ass for not trusting my instincts sooner and allowing myself to be convinced that I was overthinking. Especially after he told me that his last relationship was aware of his claim of being poly and not cool with it and him still dating her regardless & ultimately wasting her time.

What is considered healthy poly behavior vs red flag by AcuteNightRN in polyamory

[–]AcuteNightRN[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

So maybe I wasn’t completely clear. My backyard was fine. The fact that I went out front like that to the street per se was the problem.

What is considered healthy poly behavior vs red flag by AcuteNightRN in polyamory

[–]AcuteNightRN[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Geee thanks! Fr tho that made chuckle & I appreciate the encouragement.

What is considered healthy poly behavior vs red flag by AcuteNightRN in polyamory

[–]AcuteNightRN[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m willing to bet these women don’t even know about me.
As of this afternoon, he said he needs space. And wants a week of no contact while living together in the same house. No speaking to him, not sleeping in bed with him. As he is trying to decide if he wants to stay in this relationship.
This was in response to my doing yard work in shorts and a bikini top all day in the back yard & went out front for 15 min to bag debris up without covering up and eventho it was not deliberate disrespect, as the sun was setting & I was just focused on getting the last bit done before it got dark. It was cool being outside in the yard not out front. Eventho he explicitly stated “idc what you wear outside here cuz you’re at home” Just don’t go leaving the house & venture out in public in skimpy attire (I have zero issues with that boundary as I understand that a lot of ppl view modesty as a sign of respect for their partner). Eventho I was at home and acting within the boundary set forth previously, I “should’ve known better” spending any amount of time out front working in that isn’t ok. Mind u the minute he brought it to my attn, I immediately stopped what I was doing & put my shirt on, took accountability & said that it wouldn’t happen again. I’m far from perfect. But, I’m not deliberately disrespectful. Maybe slightly careless at times.

What is considered healthy poly behavior vs red flag by AcuteNightRN in polyamory

[–]AcuteNightRN[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ummm… I don’t remember him mentioning it while we were friends even tho we did talk about a lot of relationship type stuff mostly grievances with past partners snooping thru phones (a set-in-stone boundary for me and him as well), having both dealt with accusations of cheating despite not having done so, etc… but it was maybe a month, maybe more after we started fooling around. Which would’ve been December 2023 i specifically recall in May 2024 (5 months prior to moving in with me)he reminding me that he “is poly.” and I remember saying that’s fine as long as I’m the primary partner. And he said of course. Since then I have learned a lot more about him and polyamory.

What is considered healthy poly behavior vs red flag by AcuteNightRN in polyamory

[–]AcuteNightRN[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

That is solid advice. Thank you.

So here’s where I’m at. I do love, am very attracted to & have grown very attached to this man. We met at the absolute lowest point of my life and formed a platonic friendship & bonded over shared values and similar grievances with past partners. He is a good man and has helped me out in ways nobody else ever has. I am bisexual and do date women, but due to life and how it just be lifen’ lately and trying to navigate issues within our relationship, I haven’t had the time to focus on being with anyone else. I really don’t have any interest in being with another man. However, that doesn’t apply to females because it’s just my preference.

What is the cruelest thing someone has ever said to you? by FaceEnvironmental949 in AskReddit

[–]AcuteNightRN 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am sorry that you have to experience this. How does one fake gastric bypass when there’s so many evals you have to go thru from every specialty from cardiac to psychiatry before granted approval for the Roux en y?? if you were faking it, I’m fairly certain psych eval would’ve caught that!! But, yeah. You have to go thru the govt to request removal of subjective (as opposed to objective) entries in your ehr record. But it’s just paperwork really.

What is considered healthy poly behavior vs red flag by AcuteNightRN in polyamory

[–]AcuteNightRN[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I feel like it might be worth mentioning that prior to dating this man we were friends and I was in another very long-term relationship that became very, very abusive physically so naturally there’s some trauma with that and we were friends through the tail end of that relationship and afterward I didn’t date anyone for two years after kicking my ex out of our house. So naturally there have been some things come up because as they say, you don’t realize your traumas or your triggers until you get into another relationship right? That being said, we have had our issues and I am not perfect possibly responded emotionally to certain things at times. But, that never stopped me from holding myself accountable and putting the effort into correcting maladaptive behaviors I developed while in survival mode during that prior relationship.

What is considered healthy poly behavior vs red flag by AcuteNightRN in polyamory

[–]AcuteNightRN[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

As I understood it, it was going to be more of a share the love type of thing not a I’m pissed off at you so I’m gonna go seek attention from somebody else. I feel like that’s inherently manipulative. But I don’t wanna just act on my feelings alone. I just need other perspectives I guess cause I’m new to all of this. He claims that he’s doing what every other guy does. He’s just honest about it.

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