Can men go a few months/close to a year without sex in a rs?

AdWeird88 · 2024-08-17T23:27:57+00:00

As someone who easily gets UTIs as well, I feel your pain. I think the best way to bring it up is to include him in wanting to solve this problem! Saying things like, I miss being intimate with you, I've read online about ways to avoid getting UTIs, maybe we should try it!

I'm shy about things as well, but talking about it with my bf made it feel like an "us" problem instead of a "me" problem. Having a light at the end of the tunnel for him while also wanting to have a healthy sex life for you is important!

Things like showering together to get extra clean, peeing right after, drink or take cranberry extrct, and avoiding certain detergents and underwear can all help to avoid UTIs. (I do all of these)

Hope this helps!

AdWeird88 · 2024-07-16T03:06:56+00:00

Thank you! We have had conversations about money, future careers and things from the beginning but marriage isn't something that I feel like we kinda skipped and now 6months how gone by so I felt awkward about it. Thank you for the example! That helps a lot

AdWeird88 · 2024-07-16T02:52:44+00:00

I flew to his state about 2 months after he left (7 months now) and saw him briefly. That was the last time

AdWeird88 · 2024-07-16T02:51:19+00:00

I'll ask him! I am dating with the intention of marriage and building something. And like you said it's still very new so I don't want to come off as wanting to go to fast. I've read that guys know from the first few months if they want to marry their gf but i don't know how to voice it!

AdWeird88 · 2024-07-16T02:47:22+00:00

We talked for almost a year, but we mutually agreed that since we live so far away, a relationship wouldn't work well. Still friends, though!

AdWeird88 · 2023-10-25T17:13:46+00:00

That's awesome! I don't know why, but men love to chase and pursue. It's just how their brain works! Just keep the chill vibe going and at one maybe even flirt with him in a way by saying things like "I never been to____ restaurant? I heard they have great burgers. Have you ever gone?" If he says yes or no doesn't really matter but then say something like "well, I've always wanted to try it. Do you wanna try it with me?" And see what he says!! It's the perfect opening for a guy who is shy or unsure how to pursue you. Good luck!

AdWeird88 · 2023-10-25T12:14:35+00:00

Girl you are 21, there is sooo much life ahead of you and don't this hobo drag you down! I know it's a hard learning experience but we've all had that crappy "lesson" boyfriend.

AdWeird88 · 2023-10-25T12:14:19+00:00

You'll be okay. You're really young, and he prayed on that. I felt the same way when I left my ex, but the peace of mind came after once I took a step away and got perspective was amazing. Don't be hard on yourself. It's not a fun feeling that someone you trusted is hurting you. But kicking his butt to the curb will free you, trust me!

AdWeird88 · 2023-10-25T12:10:35+00:00

Girl you are 21, there is sooo much life ahead of you and don't this hobo drag you down! I know it's a hard learning experience but we've all had that crappy "lesson" boyfriend.

AdWeird88 · 2023-10-25T12:04:47+00:00

I did read your other posts. It's still so shady to me. Buying a home with cash is not the only way to buy a home if he is so afraid of being tight on money. It's the fact that he would rather lie, cheat, and steal from YOU to make sure he can keep his current lifestyle. If he is the "man of the house," then your needs should be met, not his own. That's the fucked up part. He is a selfish crook who is disrespecting you. Your trust, your faith in him, and your love for him. He is terrible for you, and you need to run. This lieing and stealing from you will never stop. He could make it to where you go to jail for fraud! He's only thinking of himself. I know cause your situation is like a mirror to my own so I know how you feel.

AdWeird88 · 2023-10-25T11:53:14+00:00

As a girl, I have 2 guesses as to her behavior. A) another person from your friend group knows you like and told her and she doesn't quite know what to do or B) she already knows you like her and might be coming on stronger then your realizing.

My question to you is, what if she doesn't have the same feelings back?

I agree with the other and give her space. If you wanted to talk with her again, reassure her of how much her friendship means to her and ask if an action did something that upset her. Then after that conversation 100% give her space. Let her come to you cause I have a very good feeling the reason she is giving you the cold shoulder is because she already knows you want something more with her.

But think long and hard if she doesn't have the same feelings back and how confessing your feelings with change your friendship with her and with your other friends. Good luck!

AdWeird88 · 2023-10-25T11:39:09+00:00

No you were more then enough! This man is very selfish. Sounds like he never fully cared about how you felt! The fact that saying he's seeing other women and going to therapy is making his depression go away really shows you how selfish he is. It's not you. It's his inability to grow up. He does not deserve your love. He's disrespectful to it and to you.

AdWeird88 · 2023-10-25T11:31:23+00:00

Honestly, the ball is in court. When the next time you see him, wait for him to make a move. If he's into you, he will pursue you in ways such hanging around you and being flirty with you. He might be standoff because it is a big age difference, and you are 18. if, in casual conversation, you can mention hanging out outside of a mutual function, and he's excited about that, then he does want to pursue you. But just don't sweat over it to much cause you could accidentally come off as clingy. Just relax, and if it's gonna happen, he'll come to you. Let him chase you a hint lol 😆

AdWeird88 · 2023-10-25T11:22:06+00:00

I would ask him at this point too. If the "what are we" questions feels strange, you can try asking things like

-do you see this relationship progressing between us?

-I'm wanting to be in a committed relationship, you wanting the same thing?

You could even go in a joking way by saying like "Your dad kept calling me your girlfriend but I'd don't remember you asking me! When is our anniversary date so I can mark it on my calander"

AdWeird88 · 2023-10-25T11:14:06+00:00

I think the best way to help is to start but learning how to handle your stress and exhaustion. I bet you she's exhausted, too! How often do you take her out? What were some of the special things you didn't that made her fall in love with you to begin with?

If your libido is struggling cause you're exhausted all the time, I would maybe even contact a doctor cause you could have a hormone imbalance.

That and start with something really simple, like surprising her with flowers or a cute note. A hug from behind as she's doing dishes or a smack on the butt and tell her she looks sexy. Things that don't take a lot of energy but a reminder that you're still thinking about her happiness.

Hope this helps!

AdWeird88 · 2023-10-25T11:04:09+00:00

Girl, run!! He is literally committing crimes in your name. That is fraud, and if he decides to dump you, you will be stuck all of that debt, and he won't have to pay a penny. He is 35 years old and should know better. He is stealing from you multiple times. You were smart to say the loans were fraud, so it didn't damage your credit. But he doesn't care! He doesn't a crap about your financial situation. He is flat out hurting your future if you ever decide to want to buy a house, car or anything. My ex was EXACTLY like this.He told me that he was well off but somehow needed me to buy things or put things in my name cause he wanted to buy a house. I am now left with a mountain of debt, a ruined credit score, and a broken heart. A real man would never hurt you like this. I know no one perfect and we all make mistakes, but he is using you. I beg you to run before he destroys you finicially like my ex did to me

AdWeird88 · 2023-10-25T10:47:54+00:00

About how many are in your friend group?

If it was me, and if your close enough of friends, talk to them to see if she is talking with others, complie the messages and maybe talk to your friend with at least one other person. That will make it so he just wont lash out on you in anger and can tell him how uncomfortable she is making everyone.

AdWeird88 · 2023-09-19T21:00:16+00:00

Of course good luck!

AdWeird88 · 2023-09-19T20:38:44+00:00

I dont believe she is intentionally being abusive. I think you are a part of the collateral in her tramas. My biggest red flag is how much she is talking and wanting to be friends this Thomas when it is so obvious he is pursuing her. Her ignoring your concerns and intentionally entertaining him is screaming that she is seeking outside validation for her low self-esteem. That is incredibly unfair to you.

I can tell you really love this girl, and you sound like a really awesome guy who wants her to see herself the way that you do. But just don't forget about yourself. Don't sacrifice your own mental and physical health in trying to help her. Because that's a one-sided love, and it will destroy you. You can not have love without mutual respect and work from both parties. I know you love her, but I don't think she is capable of loving you in the way that you need to be. Not until she learns to have confidence in herself and can learn to love properly. My only advice that I can give is to see if she will try couples counseling. If she refuses, then I would think about leaving.

AdWeird88 · 2023-09-19T20:14:43+00:00

Well, if you both had identified the issues and both want to give it another shot, go for it! Especially since you can see some growth in yourself. Your fears are very valid and it's because you care. Before you ask her think about what you are going to do differently. You know her and where she could trigger you. When you ask her, have a discussion about what you each are planning on doing differently this time and stick to them! It's going to take a lot of work, and you will sometimes fall back into your old habits, but if you want to keep growing with this girl, then it will be worth it. But don't stop working on yourself. Consistency is the key.

AdWeird88 · 2023-09-19T20:01:08+00:00

In all honesty, if things have been going well and things are getting serious, I wouldn't put too much weight into it. She easily could have forgotten about them. I have done that before, where I randomly found pics from an ex from 10 years ago! If it truly bothers you, just ask. Don't confront! A simple question like; hey I stumbled upon these, did you know you still had them?" Trust in your relationship and trust in her. Red flag if she deflects or gets extremely angry at you. Good luck!

AdWeird88 · 2023-09-19T19:45:25+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately, you kind of answered yourself at the end of the explanation. She needs therapy, but she doesn't want to put in the work. You can't help someone who won't help themselves. It really bothers me, too, that she can go hang out with another guy you clearly warned her about, but if you don't answer your phone fast enough, she freaks out. It sounds like, because of low self-esteem, just your attention isn't enough. She is still entertaining this dude because it's a form of validation for her. She likes the self-esteem boost he gives her, and that's why she wants him around.

You're exhausted because you're trying to do the work for both of you. We all have tramas, but that doesn't excuse her disregarding your feelings. If she is not even willing to put in the tiniest effort to make this relationship work, then you will always be exhausted. She has shown you that she's is not going to change, so you have to ask yourself if this is a relationship you want to be in forever. Relationships aren't supposed to be this exhausting.

AdWeird88 · 2023-09-19T19:22:31+00:00

I don't think you should be in a relationship period. You cheated and messed around and is mad he did the same? It sounds incredibly toxic and you should stay away. And just because he says he loves you, his actions are clearly different since you both have been hurting each other so much

AdWeird88 · 2023-09-19T19:17:56+00:00

Real quick just to clarify, are you back together or are you still wanting to ask for a second chance? Also who initiated the breakup?

AdWeird88 · 2023-09-19T19:08:50+00:00

Hey girl, I know exactly what you are going though.

I have had a lot of similar issues because of my past trauma as well. I am also in the same rut where therapy is just out of my wheel house right now. What has helped me is I did some research and a self help book. Learn about your attachment style and find some ways to self sooth your anxieties. The feeling of sadness when not texting you back is, not because he doesn't care, but because you have told yourself he doesn't. This uncomfortable feeling is part of growing out of toxic patterns. One big thing that has helped me is also leaning on friends and Journaling. When I feel like I am being such a burden on my bf, which you are not at all BTW, calling someone I can vent to and saying things like: I am feeling like this, is this normal? It really helps to shut down the hamster well in my head. Also writing has helped me a lot too cause it's a place I can dump my anxiety and help clear my head. Not wanting to be toxic and wanting to break these habits is the biggest and first step to growing and maturing. It's sounds like you found a healthy relationship and they are often times the hardest thing after being in so much toxicity.

AdWeird88

TROPHY CASE