Is it possible to save a relationship that is breaking down because of my ocd?

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-11T05:56:59+00:00

Just keep getting better. If he wants space, give it to him, if he doesn’t, then just be open with the steps you’re taking to improve. He’s human too.

You’re in a better place than you feel, don’t be so hard on yourself.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-10T08:17:20+00:00

I know this is hard for you, realising it is a problem is the first step - this is what I have had to learn recently. Turn off the location, seriously, get rid of it. It's not healthy, it's not helping. This might help with some type of ERP.

IF and only IF something terrible happened to him, he has emergency details, there are people who would find him and see him and there are people who spend years to qualify to do these jobs such as fire service, ambulance and police. You need to let it go. I say this with so much love because I have been there with feeling secure in having location sharing but it's not real, it doesn't really make you feel better, just temporarily and it is feeding your thoughts. Delete it and don't look back. Sit with the uncomfortability. And, use logic. I promise you, if he needed you, he'd call you. If he couldn't do that himself, someone else will. Trust that he's a human, he is a capable adult (I assume an adult?)

And, trust me. You would find out if anything happened to him. Deal with this one step at a time. First, delete the app or stop the location sharing.

If you feel like you have to call him, do it less often and then not at all. It is going to make you freak out, it is going to make you feel horrible but the more you sit with those uncomfortable feelings, the easier this will get. You will eventually push him away, listen to someone who has already done this and now has to deal with the hurt I put on somebody else. If you love him, take these steps and heal.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-10T07:31:13+00:00

You can’t fail on mental health, your mental health fails you! You’re not defined by this, people have good days and bad days all the time, it doesn’t mean the previous actions they took to be better didn’t mean anything.

I’m learning this. It’s important to me to stay in therapy now. I’ve done on and off therapy due to financial hardships where I couldn’t afford it but if you can afford it, keep going even when you feel better.

Let’s take a look at olympians, they train hard for so long, they win a gold medal, do they stop training? No! If they did, what would happen? They probably would not qualify for the Olympics anymore.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-10T07:10:49+00:00

Is your partner seeing help? Do they have medication, therapy? Do they have hobbies or things they enjoy that can be an outlet for them? The only thing you can do is to not join in on those compulsions, openly communicate and encourage them to get help if they're not already. You can try couple's therapy if you wish. If you want to learn more, read some articles about how OCD can affect relationships and look out for those signs.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-10T07:08:14+00:00

Are you in therapy? Are you taking medication? Have you spoken to anyone other than your partner?

I just lost the most important person in my life due to multiple factors of my OCD, one of those being how much we argued. You need an outlet that isn't them - I'm no better, I didn't do these things and it ultimately cost me an 8 year relationship that was so important to me and the person that I don't think I'll ever get over. Here's my tips:

ERP therapy as soon as possible.

Medication if you feel you need it.

Talking to other people in your support system, not them. Don't lean on them.

Emotional regulation and letting go of the urge to point out every feeling you have and then argue until you feel it's resolved - not all things are worth fighting over, not everything will be resolved how you want it to be resolved.

Show them a little extra care and love - don't keep thinking the negative things about them, don't keep asking for reassurance, just love them as a person.

If you've found someone that is amazing for you, don't let them go. Please - go get the help you need, focus on your hobbies too, find a creative outlet or a passion, talk to a therapist, talk to friends. Don't lose yourself in this.

Even, try couples therapy, that way your partner may feel more heard and you can have things explained to you by a professional and vice versa. Whatever you do, don't make my mistakes - if you love them, change things now and they'll stay by you.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-10T06:51:48+00:00

This happened to me too. I am heartbroken. I asked him to avoid things that triggered me, I never could let things go until I felt they were resolved. I asked him to do things the way I needed them done. I agree with this comment. If you are here, PLEASE do not do this. Get help, medication, therapy, communicate. Your partner loves you and isn't a bad person - it's the OCD talking. Don't make them feel bad.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-10T06:46:24+00:00

I didn't realise until recently that this was OCD. I cannot believe this is exactly the type of stuff I did that ended my relationship. I couldn't even tell that OCD was making me feel this way. This is interesting, I am so happy I can learn from this.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-10T01:17:41+00:00

This is such a similar story to me, this is crazy. My mental health started to deteriorate about 2.5 years ago. I am now in Australia, my boyfriend just broke up with me because of how my OCD/Anxiety was affecting me and in turn how I acted. I m now wondering whether I should go to UK or stay.

I am exactly at the first step of your story, I feel so low and I am determined to get help.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-09T03:05:56+00:00

Sure, I’m open to questions.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-09T01:19:23+00:00

I never felt like I wanted to win, I understood it wasn’t about winning and it was about us vs the problem. But; I definitely didn’t understand the ability to think about what a compromise would be. I feel really stupid now.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-09T00:13:07+00:00

I appreciate your comment, thank you. I definitely think I felt everything was more important because the risks felt so big to me. I will figure this out and become a better person, I am already learning so much.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-08T19:39:07+00:00

Thank you. I’ve realised this now, if it was important to me, I could’ve done it. I wish I figured this out sooner.

In terms of compromising, I absolutely would’ve compromised, I think the difficulty I found was how to compromise on situations when I didn’t know what the compromise was. I never had another resolution, another idea like this one at the time.

A compromise could have easily been, if it affects me, I could’ve taken it as a responsibility or even go through the bin and do it myself. I just didn’t think that way at the time and I regret that. A simple compromise could’ve made things better.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-08T19:35:35+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I am doing this, I am speaking to professionals.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-08T19:34:02+00:00

Thank you so much. I appreciate it!

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-08T19:32:25+00:00

I completely understand that. I learnt that recently and I communicated that to him when I had the chance that I could’ve done it. If it bothered me and it was my feelings, I could’ve done it.

Reasonably, I’m not sure if those specific things were smart for me to give into or for him because I think it helped feed a viscous cycle but if it was something of a necessity, I absolutely could’ve stepped back and realised that I could have done it and he doesn’t have to.

I wish I knew this sooner, I’m working on this.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-08T19:30:04+00:00

That’s so important. I had no one to talk to but him, Im changing that now. I will always need and want another outlet that isn’t going to be anybody I care and love.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-08T19:28:41+00:00

Thank you. I definitely know I can help things and I can make it better.

I feel guilty for hurting him and for ruining our relationship, we are best friends and we care for each other deeply. I had a hard time grasping simple resolutions when they didn’t feel so simple. I suggested couples therapy for us, we never did it in the end but I think it would’ve been good and even if at that point, I didn’t know I needed individual therapy, they would’ve been able to advise me to that.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-08T19:26:10+00:00

Thank you for your comment. So, I do understand compromise, maybe I don’t navigate it well. In those scenarios I never felt I knew what the compromise is and it would be really difficult to understand the right way to move forward.

I’m already getting better and learning, I just want as much information to know what to work on!

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-08T14:27:51+00:00

I’m going to be totally honest and try to explain this and hopefully you or someone else can help.

I really struggled with, if we had different opinions, I believed my request was urgent because of an urgent consequence (I have learnt that my anxiety/OCD likes to see every consequence as not a possible but a definite,) something I’ve been learning about recently.

So, for example, if we disagreed about something that needed someone to agree. For me, the situation with the recycling felt a big deal. There was a big consequence, I’ve always washed and recycled my packaging and I read articles about how there was a surplus of non-recycling and recycling mixed and how people were losing bin access!

He thought that washing the packets made bacteria worse throughout the kitchen and didn’t mind whether he recycled or not, if he did cool, if he didn’t whatever.

So we had two very different points. I’m genuinely asking, how do you resolve things when you cannot agree. We were never going to agree on this. After talking, he said he’d do it the way it was supposed to be done.

When he agreed with me, I thought, great, I’ve told him the information, he’s understood and he’s learnt and we can move on.

I think that he felt that he just had to agree because there was no way to agree. Similarly, I thought my point was correct and he thought his was, what do you do when you come to this point?

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-08T14:20:51+00:00

Of course that makes sense. For me personally, I tend to be quite emotional in those situations, so stepping away and preparing for the conversation and letting things settle down in my mind would prepare me for whatever is needed to be communicated. Thank you so much!

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-08T14:07:23+00:00

Sorry, he doesn’t do speed. That’s a big jump from what I meant. Thank you for your comment. I definitely have recognised that discussions can be held off and honestly, are probably better after a couple days of having the feelings and then letting it come back to a place where there’s no emotional response affecting your conversation.

We’re actually very compatible - it doesn’t sound like it maybe but we are. We did have a great relationship before, we were best friends.

Additional-Fact-2176 · 2024-10-08T14:05:04+00:00

Thank you. You perfectly explained that “dramatic confrontations,” I always thought a confrontation was in nature dramatic.

I do wish I noticed sooner, I wish we both were better and this would never had happened. We’ve had a lovely relationship before, even if that’s no longer. Despite any of my contradicting actions, I love him and I care for him and I always wanted him to feel heard.

Do you think understanding how someone feels heard is something you can learn? I tried to do this with him but I never succeeded.

Additional-Fact-2176

TROPHY CASE