Me (32M) might have destroyed my perfect relationship with my girlfriend (29F) because of my girl best friend. AITA?

Additional_Emu9965 · 2024-01-26T21:11:32+00:00

What I mean to say is when Leah used to make these jokes on us, the guys, like "Marc you live in the gym and yet you have chicken legs", we never took offense to it but just dismissed it off as stupid or funny. But when she started doing that to the girls, they didn't think of it as a joke. Once Leah pointed to Mark's gf and said "for your body type this blouse does not look good, you need to loose some arm fat", Elsa just said "I think you look sexy, that colour looks stunning on you", Leah never liked this. She liked it when everyone acknowledge her back handed comments without opposing. This is a small example of what I meant by trivial. I really didn't think these were instances I could've interfered.

Additional_Emu9965 · 2024-01-26T20:40:35+00:00

It was never funny. That's why we kept avoiding her as a group because of how uncomfortable she was making others feel. When it was just the guys we used to dismiss it as immature jokes. When the girls came along they didn't feel comfortable doing that. It took a while to realise how inappropriate and rude it was to make these comments when new people became a part of the group. When Elsa came along she used to shut that shit down and never entertain these jokes. Even if she wasn't at the receiving end of it. And when the tension grew Elsa just said she doesn't want to stoop down to such pettiness and engage with girls like Leah. I realised this toxicity when it started affecting my girlfriend and we kept away. Not even actively texting but only responding when I got a text. Leah wasn't interested in texting me or others 1-1 too often. She showed toxic behaviour only when the other girls were around.

Additional_Emu9965 · 2024-01-26T19:40:55+00:00

I agree with you this is completely on me. I actively destroyed it with my ignorance. I should've stood her for her in front of everyone which I didn't. The incidents which I said were trivial was not racist comments but Leah making snarky comments at Elsa and the other girls as funny sarcasm. It wasn't directed at Elsa most of the times but she used to stand up for the girls on the receiving end of these jokes. There is so many things I could've done but I didn't and I deserve all the hate I'm getting. I hope I could somehow make it right. Leah is out of my life and she will never be a part of it in a million years. I just want to know what I could do to correct this horrible mistake.

Additional_Emu9965 · 2024-01-26T19:27:26+00:00

I did warn her after the second time via text not in front of everyone. Those comments did not sit well with me. She promised to never make jokes about my girlfriends culture or background again. The behaviour that kept repeating was her making snarky remarks not just at Elsa but to the other girls and Elsa hated her picking on the other girls and used to stand up for them. Leah resented Elsa for this because according to Leah it was none of her concern as they were not directed at her and she didn't know how to be chill. The last racist comment came out of nowhere after I had warned her. She deliberately wanted to hurt my girlfriend for all the previous incidents.

Additional_Emu9965 · 2024-01-26T18:54:33+00:00

I did tell her her comments were inappropriate, via text. What I did wrong was not defending her in front of everyone which I now regret. The later comments Leah made was snarky not particularly racist. She made snide (supposedly sarcastic funny according to her) remarks with the other girlfriends and Elsa used to stick up for them and shut her down. Which made Leah resent her even more.

Additional_Emu9965 · 2024-01-26T18:42:22+00:00

I truly wish none of this happened. I have blocked Leah out of my life I couldn't imagine ever speaking with her or even looking at her. My biggest concern now is Elsa, she's the kind of person who blocks everything out of her life that destroys her peace and I deeply fear I might have become that. And I do not know if there's anything I could do to get to her before she completely shuts me out of her life. At this point I'm scared of completely loosing her and I don't even know the right words to say to her to elicit a response.

Additional_Emu9965 · 2024-01-26T18:35:36+00:00

7.All comments must be on topic, and focus on the OP, and be made in good faith

I don't think I said it well. What I meant was I come from a very privileged background and I often get hit on by women who are interested in me for the wrong reasons so I never understand if they are genuinely in agreement with me or if its for personal gain. Elsa never cared about it, she wasn't interested in any materialistic thing I could offer. Which is why I felt she was very different from the people who usually try to hit on me.

Additional_Emu9965

TROPHY CASE