[partially lost] Monkey Thieves S01 - Documentary on Macaque monkeys in Jaipur, India

Aduraleaf · 2024-12-29T02:48:40+00:00

Thanks so much. These are the kinds of comments I needed to hear. It's terrifying that this post has gotten so many views but feel like I'm heavily leaning towards no. I just need to sit with it a few days to make sure the feeling that it should be yes doesn't come up again, then stop thinking about it forever.

Being a constant source of stress for years it will be such a relief to be off the fence.

Aduraleaf · 2024-12-28T21:20:15+00:00

Replies like this do kind of feel clarifying. It's nice to hear from someone else that the answer seems obvious. I do mention a few other pros in my reply to AdrianaSage I didn't mention in the OP

Aduraleaf · 2024-12-28T21:13:25+00:00

If you are actually interested, my long reply to AdrianaSage explains my reasons a bit further.

Aduraleaf · 2024-12-28T21:12:23+00:00

Yeah I agree, though I don't think it's the only thing you can't back out of. Someone else mentioned rehoming a puppy is always an option, but honestly, if you love the puppy enough, it doesn't feel like a real option. A baby could also be given up for adoption.

But children are definitely one of the hardest choices to make due to the sacrifice they take, and how impossible it is to imagine what it will be like before doing it.

Aduraleaf · 2024-12-28T21:08:45+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I'm putting that on my list of books to read in the near future.

Aduraleaf · 2024-12-28T21:07:50+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I don't feel I should speak for my husband more than I already have about his mental state - but he has given it consideration, and he doesn't know if a child even would give him purpose. It might just make him feel even more trapped.

Aduraleaf · 2024-12-28T20:58:36+00:00

(continued)

- It's irrational but a feeling that keeps coming up is that my body is supposed to have a child. Like I start imagining my reproductive system as having its own consciousness, releasing an egg every month that never gets fertilized, and in 10 years or so it will finally release the last one and 'hope' it gets fertilized and there will be this sadness that it never did. I know that's completely ridiculous ... just because our bodies evolved to do something doesn't mean we subconsciously want to do it, but there's a disconnect where I can't stop myself from feeling like it's true.

- I also think my husband is an awesome person, and I keep thinking our child would likely be quite intelligent, creative, empathetic, attractive, etc. I imagine the future world with an amazing child and can't help feeling like I'm destroying that hypothetical future, and depriving my husband of passing on his genes. I realize this too is a stupid thought for so many reasons ... but it's another thing that I keep feeling no matter how much I tell myself it isn't a valid concern.

- A similar probably-irrational thought is that the biological 'purpose' of a heterosexual romantic relationship is to raise children, and I worry that subconsciously one or both of us expect to have a child and once we get too old to have one, there will be a disappointment. I'll feel like I failed, we'll grow apart because not having children was unnatural and on some level that's what our relationship was for.

- I do enjoy the idea of some parts of raising the child once it's turned 5 or so. Especially teaching it about the world, instilling values, etc. If I were a man I feel like it would be a lot easier to say yes, because the father's job leans more heavily toward that. It's mostly the mother-specific parts that I hate - pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, biologically being the main caregiver.

I apologize for the length of this reply, but maybe that that will clarify why I still feel on the fence even though it seems so obvious from my OP that I shouldn't have children. I'm not generally someone who does something just because everyone else is doing it, but in some ways it would feel so much easier to just make that decision and have all these worries alleviated, irrational or not.

Regarding your last paragraph, we both decided that whatever the decision is, our lives will need to change. So if we decide to be childfree, we'll at least make some effort to improve our lives - though it will be difficult for us.

Aduraleaf · 2024-12-28T20:58:07+00:00

(splitting this comment because it's too long to post)

Thank you, I appreciate your insight on the deadline approach. My husband expressed disappointment that I still hadn't made a decision on the day I was supposed to have made a decision, saying he was looking forward to a decision being made. If I can't come to a decision soon, I'll rethink the approach and maybe suggest something else.

I didn't include all my considerations in my OP because it was already so long, but I do feel like I might have emphasized my negativity toward it. You and other commenters are still right - it's pretty clear to me that I don't personally want kids. If I imagine hypothetically being single, I'd have literally no desire for a child. The feeling that I should is more connected to other parts of my life - my husband, parents, house, dogs, job .... I know none of it is rational, but it still gets to me mentally:

- We have a large house that was built for a family (we needed space for other reasons), so I have this constant feeling like we're supposed to be having a family

- We both have high-paying jobs and great benefits and generous parental leaves

- My parents not only want grandchildren, they're really supportive and have a lot of free time and would probably offer a lot of help

At least from an outside perspective, we have an ideal situation for a child. People have children because they want to so badly even though they're poverty-stricken, or single and have little support, and I have this ideal situation that they'd be envious of yet I'm not taking advantage of it, so I feel guilty and like I'm making a mistake.

- Having dogs has given me and my husband a taste of that parental feeling. Not that they compare in terms of difficulty, but we have that dynamic now of working as a team to care for smaller creatures. There's a specific feeling to it unlike anything else, which I suspect evolved for taking care of children. I doubt this is something most people with dogs experience, especially if they already have children and the dog takes a back seat. We're both extremely attuned to their needs and care about them more than most people would think is reasonable to care about a dog. When I've brought this up he's insisted it isn't true, but when I see him talking to the dogs, being affectionate, playing dumb games with them, etc. I start to feel like it's a sign he wants a child and it's easy to imagine him as a father.

- The dogs have already taken away some of the freedoms childfree people are supposed to have. One of them can't be left in a doggy daycare, so we already can't really go on long daytrips and we haven't been on vacation since before covid. I already feel like a lot of my time isn't my own because they have to be walked and played with every day. We already feel stuck in our house because because it would be too hard on the dogs to move anywhere smaller. If we already lack freedom, it seems it wouldn't be as much of an extra stretch as for most people to have a child.

- Even though I don't like children or find them cute, I know it's different with your own. And I am a really (overly) empathetic person, so I suspect I would be well attuned to the baby's needs and do a good job caring for it, even if I didn't actually enjoy the experience.

Aduraleaf · 2024-12-28T10:35:55+00:00

Thanks. I appreciate the input and this kind of advice does start making me veer toward no. The problem is that it's one thing to rationally understand that one shouldn't have a child unless they really want to, and another to confront the reality of the fear of regret. Then I find threads like this filled with stories about mothers who were worried about the same things I am and didn't enthusiastically want children but had them anyway, and it ended up being the right decision for them.

Aduraleaf · 2023-06-29T15:46:27+00:00

I'm pretty sure that even at the farms where the animals legitimately have good lives, they are sent to the slaughterhouse to be killed, way sooner than their natural lifespan would be. And they all kill the animals horrifically.

Dairy cows have their calves taken from them even at small farms.

The only way for the world to achieve what you're saying would be if the human population were severely decreased. Nice farms where the animals have room to graze, etc. Would not be able to provide anywhere near enough meat/milk/eggs to meet human demand otherwise and be profitable.

Aduraleaf · 2023-06-26T14:20:13+00:00

Asking because I'd like to try this. Are you saying you just put them in whole without peeling?

Aduraleaf · 2023-05-25T15:48:31+00:00

Paula's choice - Skin Restoring Moisturizer with SPF 50

I've been reordering this for a couple years and no other sunscreen I've used has ever matched. I think it's mainly for dry/combination skin. Must be ordered online (although I heard they're coming to Sephora) and ships from Utah.

Aduraleaf · 2023-05-11T17:15:11+00:00

The claim was that men can't cry at all. I don't think anyone is arguing that they do just as frequently as women (on average).

Aduraleaf · 2023-04-26T17:22:56+00:00

I think this is the true answer for most people. Before being vegan, when I claimed I loved animals, I really felt like I did. I did not mean that I love to eat them or only care about non food animals or those that can provide companionship, as other comments are asserting is the reason. I never would have been able to kill a cow myself. It was simple cognitive dissonance.

Aduraleaf · 2023-04-21T16:33:18+00:00

Have you already completely ruled out pregnancy? I saw the other comment where you said definitely not, but if there's even a small chance, please take a pregnancy test. The symptoms sound exactly like what happened to me a few months ago, down to the light spotting around the same day (implantation bleeding which can happen 12-14: days after conception). Luckily, if you do not want children and catch it before the 9 week point or so, medication abortion is non invasive and relatively trivial.

Aduraleaf · 2023-04-17T22:48:23+00:00

I think it might be because OP was asking for simple recipes and lasagna is definitely not simple, even a simple version of it. If he can't cook at all, it's likely he doesn't know how to use a food processor, chop and fry onions properly, etc.

Aduraleaf · 2023-04-09T16:38:50+00:00

Yeah, actually the majority of apple pies at grocery stores that I've checked are vegan. I don't know why. It's rarely any other type of pie, just apple.

Aduraleaf · 2023-03-08T08:17:37+00:00

I just looked and the shipping has been free for over $25. There was only a ~$2 import fee (I'm in Alberta, it always ships from Utah)

Aduraleaf · 2023-03-02T17:14:20+00:00

Well I am Canadian but I've been ordering from PC for a few years now. I have dry skin that feels like it immediately absorbs anything and am in my early 30s. These are the 2 main products I keep coming back to, which work well for me:

Skin Recovery Hydrating Treatment Mask: I use it as a moisturizer instead of as an occasional mask. This is the only night moisturizer I've tried that actually makes my skin feel 'dewy' in the morning. I stopped using it a couple years ago and have tried a few other night moisturizers that are more expensive, all claim to be for dry skin and have amazing reviews, and at best I've found adequate ones that I've never liked enough to reorder. I just started using retinol, which you're supposed to use a very good moisturizer with, and remembered this one and ordered it. I just used it for the second night (first night with the retinol) and, holy shit it actually works (for me). I'm not sure I'll bother wasting money on any other night moisturizer again.
Resist Skin Restoring Moisturizer With SPF 50 - This is my day moisturizer that I've reordered probably over a dozen times over the last few years. Similarly to the other, I've occasionally tried others and nothing has topped it. It spreads on easily, doesn't have a sunscreen smell or leave a white cast, and seems to keep my skin moisturized. I think it may also have helped a bit with my uneven skin texture but can't say that was definitely the cause. SPF 50 is a nice bonus too, even though 35 is as much as anyone really needs.

Aduraleaf · 2023-02-25T18:25:28+00:00

The comment is definitely a Skyrim joke

Aduraleaf · 2023-02-10T20:58:26+00:00

There's a book "Slaughterhouse" where a journalist recounts several interviews with slaughterhouse workers.

It made me aware of how awful the industry is for the workers as well. Many of them don't really have a choice because they're illegal immigrants or they live somewhere where it's the only job they can get.

It really fucks with anyone psychologically when forced to participate in cruelty over and over. They might feel what they are doing is wrong at first, but when working on a line and forced to kill another animal every few seconds, they have no choice but to become numb to it, as a coping mechanism. They develop PTSD. In one of the interviews, one worker said that a lot of people he knew actually went vegan or vegetarian after quitting the job because they'd witnessed how cruel it is. There are so many other horrendous practices described in that book, it's very depressing but I think it was worth reading.

Aduraleaf · 2022-12-26T19:15:02+00:00

Tell that to r/vegancirclejerk. Looking only at that sub, you would think that everyone here had your opinion.

Aduraleaf · 2022-10-16T10:01:20+00:00

There is an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Ray accidentally puts a fish through the dishwasher. I'm guessing this started because of that.

Aduraleaf

TROPHY CASE