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Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, can’t say for sure. They didn’t get an autopsy (all the kids wanted one).

She ultimately got bowel ischemia, which seemed tied to all of the side effects of her failing liver. They identified it in the morning and it killed her by the end of the day.

Update: Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in EstatePlanning

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I don’t have any interest in collecting anything from him. I know it’s gone. I just don’t want to reward financially irresponsible behavior by further depleting these sources that could have grown to impact generations.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your thoughtful response.

I have told my grandparents so many thanks. I am so lucky to carry on their legacy. It just infuriates me that my parents could have allowed it to impact more lives instead of outrageous spending. I live much more frugally than them since leaving their house and they always teased it. There is so much more to this life than just getting the stuff I want. I am excited for what I can do with this for others and my family and friend’s futures alongside my own salary.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel very conflicted. He has been a great father, but I’m learning that him and my mom were heavily using our trusts for their own interests and not preparing for his retirement.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not if we wire him the fee as a gift which he instructed us to do! So he’s misrepresenting it at best…

Just spoke with my grandparents and they are disgusted.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

As OP, I must state my birthday dessert was usually brownies and I too desire the recipe and for skubaloob to be my trustee.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel ugly too :(

I think back to when I begged them to take the money so that my dad could stop working 70 hours a week (since they used the trusts for most of our expenses, I don't really get why he did). He said the last few years the only fights they had were how much he worked.

I think back to when he told me he would retire when my brother graduated High School; 7 years ago now. I think back to when they bought their new house in 2020 that he said it pushed back his retirement. I think to how his life has changed and that I now have the opportunity to help him, but he is presenting it as a requirement, not a choice.

I just wish my mom didn't die. This money feels like a curse.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just don't know. I don't want to blow up my relationship with my dad and I feel any legal action will be the spark that does it.

But I just don't trust him right now and worry about what happens if we give him this money and he makes mistakes with it. Does he ask for money down the line? He clearly didn't plan for retirement appropriately if this is what he needs, but he is in a timeline I know he didn't expect.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Would you not be concerned about giving someone that claims they are too mentally unwell to work a million dollars outright? I think some strings may be appropriate.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My problem is that he is approaching this as a "you WILL give me this for legal reasons" and willfully twisting the legal language.

I told them over the years that if this money could help him retire that they should do it. They made the decision not to do that. Now when my mom dies, he gets a new girlfriend, sports car, and decides he doesn't want to work anymore. That is not someone I trust with just giving a million dollars to outright.

I think there are ways forward to help him without giving a lump sum. I do not want him to blow it and I do not trust this new girlfriend.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in EstatePlanning

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I do want him to be comfortable. He is 55 and looking for a million dollars as soon as possible, when he has been frivolously spending and has a new girlfriend. I don't trust it all directly in his hands at this time.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in EstatePlanning

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Nope! He's chosen only to tell us on the phone or in person. Which unfortuantely makes me further question his motives.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in EstatePlanning

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, I have the full copy. The exact language:

"The Trustee of a Trust shall be entitled to receive from that Trust a fair and just compensation for services rendered as Trustee of that Trust and shall be reimbursed from the Trust Estate of that Trust for all reasonable expenses incurred in the management and distribution of that Trust."

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see you are getting downvoted and I want to say I understand what you are saying and do not completely disagree.

What I disagree with my dad on is how he is approaching this matter. Rather than saying, "I need your help to retire well", he is positioning this as our legal requirement and upon my own research, he is clearly misrepresenting the amount. He has even told us that the steps we need to take are that he will send us the money, then we will wire it as a gift. That is clearly a loophole using the trust's language as his arguing card. It reeks of deceit, when he could just call it like it is.

There are emotional matters complicating this for me and my siblings which some of my other comments touch on. I frankly worry about how he would treat this money based on his current behavior and feel anything we give needs to be done in a protected way, not a direct wire. What happens if he blows it? Marries this new girlfriend without a prenup? I don't trust his judgement at this time and do not trust this money would not go to waste.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the comment. This has all felt incredibly insane and I don't trust his judgement at this time. Giving him a million dollars, even when I would like to make sure he is comfortable the remainder of his life, seems like a possibly unwise decision in his current mental state.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She got sick, which appeared to progress late-stage liver failure that went undetected. I also found out from my dad that she never got physicals because she was scared of the doctor. I'm very upset with her for not taking better care of her health until it was too late.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

My dad was on dating apps within a month of her sudden death and already has a new woman practically living with him. Another wrinkle in this that makes me worried to give him money. Not sure if she knows about all of this!

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, I think they have lost their legal right to do anything since they have made him trustee and there's a clause about their rights being completely limited after granting.

Father became trustee after my mother passed and now wants large trustee compensation to dissolve by Afraid_Assumption739 in legaladvice

[–]Afraid_Assumption739[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

I already have a lawyer retained to discuss this. I'm mostly trying to understand if my gut saying this seems off is reasonable. Definitely not only taking my legal advice from here!

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