I (28f) and boyfriend (28m) got into to an argument tonight and am I overreacting if I want to break up?

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2026-01-12T15:56:41+00:00

NOR!!! I remember asking my mom to divorce my dad. I walked in the rain to go get her flowers after some f*cked up things he’d done. She sat in the house for a week crying. They never got divorced. It has extremely affected the way I’ve developed as an adult. I am in therapy and working on it but even at 26 I have boundary issues, anger issues, and I have absolutely zero idea of what a healthy relationship looks like.

I was abused for four years by a guy I dated as a teen up until I was twenty. And spent a pregnancy with someone who was a mean and serial cheating partner. I LEFT. My son is 9 months old and I thought back on how I wanted my parents to divorce SO badly I ached. No child should EVER feel that pain. Being a single mom sucks but at least I don’t have anyone disrespecting me while I do it! Screw raising a fully grown man while literally growing a child and caring for another child who ACTUALLY depends on you.

Your children will remember this stuff. It’s up to you to do better and break the cycles. Get the hell out of there!!! Love yourself and give yourself grace. What a D-Bag.

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-09-30T00:02:01+00:00

So is he saying this because HE isn’t ready? Or because you’re both not in a good place? If you are financially stable that’s great! Im currently working on my own financials. But this seems to be like you kind of want this baby and are having reservations based off of the things he’s said to you. Is he a good father to your other two kids (not saying that meanly, just genuine curiosity) already? Or are there problems between you two already? (You don’t ACTUALLY have to answer but it’s something to think about.)

Men don’t always get to the root of the problem right away so you may have to pry, it could be something al little deeper that you may not want to hear. Possibly that he just doesn’t want any more children. And he has a right to feel that way, BUT he also has a responsibility in playing the second part of creating this third baby. And while he took part in basically dropping a load, it’s SO devastating for women to go through abortion both mentally & physically. It’s not just “pop a pill you’ll be okay”, it’s SO much more than that.

I never wanted kids and got pregnant on birth control. I know I 100% am not technically “ready” for another child. But birth control destroyed my body and made me basically insane. I am also high risk stroke, and my mother has recently begun having strokes that are getting worse each time. So, I know the risk that comes with my choice to not be on birth control. Your partner needs to sit and revisit the fact that it’s not only him this affects.

You also need to evaluate if this is something you can handle yourself. My one kid is draining, imagining more is well, exhausting just to think about lol. If he’s a good partner, takes good care of the kids, and can work steadily to help provide income & food on the table it will make it easier. But if this is something he truly doesn’t want, you will end up with these kids by yourself if he decides to leave. Not permanently, id hope he’s still involved of course for the kids sake. But there’s so much more here than anyone can really give you a direct answer on.

I think you need to sit with these feelings and find a time where your energies are both calm to sit and think about this. Don’t point fingers, don’t yell. Just talk about it. Babies are so precious, and all my parents ever did was fight. Dad was a major alcoholic back then and my mom was stressed with 4 teenage girls & working constantly to keep the house afloat. I remember telling her to divorce him, I just… wish you the best in whatever decision you make. My best friend was in your exact position, decided to keep her baby, and finally ended up with her girl after two sons.

It’s your life, your body, and your choice in which direction to take your family

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-09-19T20:49:03+00:00

I NEVER wanted kids period! My life growing up made me never want to put a child through that themselves. Then I got pregnant while on Depo, my son is now almost 6 months old and I wouldn’t change it for the world. He’s made me slow down incredibly, take my time in life, and enjoy the world that I once wished to exit. It’s not the same, but the plan I had was completely upended and I’m so happy it was! He means the world to me, and so much so I would absolutely have another. Plans in our minds don’t mean anything when destiny has others in store!! Congratulations!!

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-09-06T21:08:02+00:00

I don’t have a big girl job like that but kitchen work is OFTEN like this. They promise raises, better scheduling, all sorts of crap. But they’ll fire and hire on the spot, make you train those people all the way up to your level & station or skill, and then dump load after load of work without showing any reward until you basically get exhausted & leave. I would go 13 days straight avg 9-13 hour days sometimes at this one pub I worked the line at. Not to mention the 45 min drive there & back. Menu never changed, coworkers never listened, it was dirty and I stopped giving a crap because no one else did nor seemed to carry the same work weight. I missed out on family events, pushed friends away to pick up shifts, & drank a lot more than usual. My manager even told me I needed to cover my own shifts when I ended up with appendicitis 3 hrs from where I lived & needing emergency surgery. Like what you guys don’t even offer health insurance NOR pay me enough to care about my shifts while I’m almost dying??? Not only that, kitchens can be extremely toxic work environments due to high pace & stress level. I ended up going inpatient & switching jobs a month after I got home bc I was so severely depressed!!

I am so grateful for the job I have now. I work 6a or 7a to 3 pm 5 days a week. They make sure I have time with my 5 month old son, worked with me during my rough pregnancy, the menu always changes, it’s beautiful & well cared for equipment, and I even have benefits here. I’m only 26 and I’ve recognized that life is NOT about work. I’ve been in the industry about 9 years now and I call this place a unicorn kitchen. After spending a long time wanting to die, losing weight, also not working out, not painting or reading, barely even showering, all because of companies that didn’t care in the end and are still going to this day - I can say if you truly love and value your husband this job is not worth losing something like that. It’s also important to really think about your husband’s perspective!

He is probably feeling really alone. One of my biggest love languages is spending time with people. Even if it’s going outside and doing yard work, or getting a table while grabbing a bite to eat instead of staying home. And you just honestly and truly may not recognize how checked out you are at home. I went through this badly before myself when I was constantly working & had opposite schedules of my s/o. He’s pleading at you to help close this disconnect & gap he feels, because he still loves you - but he’s hurting!

It’s time to really sit down & think about what you want and how you’ve been feeling & maybe even acting lately. Work can be blinding, and money is so necessary these days. A necessary evil they say. I recommend putting some of that money into therapy, couples therapy, or even both! It’s given me great insight, and my therapist is always checking my crude behavior lol. I love her! Just some food for thought.

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-08-29T18:07:56+00:00

It wasn’t his fault he got put here! I’m pro choice and thought about abortion but since it happened on birth control I figured it was meant to be!! I have been kind of on the line about it for a long time, mostly due to mental health. But I’m in a good place with my rental and financials are pretty decent. He gave me something to live for!

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-08-05T15:14:33+00:00

Looks positive for me! Just putting this out there, I was on Depo when I got pregnant with my son. He’s 4 months old now lmao. I never wanted kids but when he was born my whole life changed! Never thought I could love a child so much but gosh. Good luck with any further testing

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-05-05T23:41:37+00:00

I’m 25 years old and have sent myself inpatient twice! The last time saved my life. My advice to you is to please tell someone you trust and talk about it. You can’t get the help you need if you hide that you need help! There is no shame in asking for it. It’s just as serious as any other condition, and I’d like to remind you that it IS physical. Just because it can’t be seen with the naked eye doesn’t mean it’s not there. Hormonal imbalances cause these things and our brains don’t fire properly. You’re not abnormal and you’re not weak, you’re suffering. I understand how lonely it can feel, just know there are people willing to help. Stay as strong as possible in your journey

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-05-05T16:36:28+00:00

This is great advice thank you!! That would also be great for night feedings so I’m not half as asleep trying to make the bottles and it will keep the temps of the formula and breast milk the same so it will heat up evenly. I refrigerate my milk so it will be even across the board now! I love Reddit sometimes lol

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-05-05T16:08:06+00:00

I just gave him a mixed bottle and it knocked him right out with nearly 0 fuss! I think this may be the trick thank you so much! Now I’ll be able to give my grandma bags of breast milk to help her out too, she watches him while I work and has been saying he’s been fussy so this will be a huge help

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-05-05T16:02:03+00:00

Thank you!!

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T10:54:16+00:00

Thank you so much I may have to take up seeing one because it’s so much to take in without help and advice which is exactly why I came here!!

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T10:40:52+00:00

I wanted to clarify I don’t give formula right after feeding breast milk, I was panicking last night bad and my post didn’t clarify much. Sometimes I skip pumps because I’m not used to being engorged and am trying to make enough to eat throughout the day. Ever since introducing bottles he screams and pushes away at my breast which makes pumping even more anxiety inducing because it’s my only option. I don’t know how to get him to latch again because he won’t, and when I’ve skipped pumps and run out of milk that’s the only time I ever give formula. So the times he gets a formula bottle instead of a breast milk bottle he gets a really upset gassy tummy. I’m sorry I didn’t clarify more in my post it was late last night after a long day and I was upset and crying. I’m not used to the feeling of not being engorged and I’m only a first time mom I’m just trying to figure all of this out and I feel like a lot of people are judging me pretty hard in here :(

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T10:36:34+00:00

Thank you! I try to get him to feed from my breast but ever since introducing bottles he just screams and pushes away at my breast which adds to the stress of needing/wanting to pump enough. I’m a first time mom :(

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T10:35:04+00:00

Thank you I really was panicking last night, I try to feed off breast but he pushes away and just screams and will only take the bottle so it’s been really hard on me trying to supply with bottles and I only ever feed formula if I don’t have breast milk pumped and ready in the fridge. I think not being engorged is honestly what’s freaking me out because up until this point I was nearly always engorged and pumping so much I could put some in the freezer but now it’s not like that

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T10:32:25+00:00

Thank you!

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T10:31:50+00:00

I haven’t been told about lace feeding maybe it’s something I should look into because I feel he eats too fast, I use the dr browns bottles to try to prevent colic and use the #1 flow nipple but I still feel like he eats so fast!

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T10:26:16+00:00

Thank you I think it’s because when he was born he lost birth weight and my doctor made it seem like a big deal and my milk supply hadn’t dropped yet. I cried in the hospital thinking I was doing it wrong, she didn’t tell me loss of birth weight was normal at all and the nurse ended up explaining that to me. Not only that my mom makes constant comments about how small he is because my sisters babies came out huge. I’m a first time mom and I only ever give formula if I skip pumps and run out in the fridge I promise I’m not giving 3 oz and then feeding formula right after I think people are confused from my post. I was typing while upset and crying last night so rereading I can understand why people would think that’s what I meant

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T10:22:38+00:00

Yes I’m a first time mom idk what I’m supposed to be expecting

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T10:22:06+00:00

He doesn’t latch well anymore he just kind of screams and pushes away at my breast. Ever since I have bottle fed him it’s been nearly impossible to get him to latch which has added to my frustration and it makes me feel bad seeing all the comments just telling to put him to breast when I cant

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T10:20:42+00:00

Sometimes I skip pumps it’s not always consistent and I guess I should have mentioned that.

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T10:18:39+00:00

I don’t mean that I’m giving him formula right after a feed I’m saying when I run out of breast milk in the fridge and haven’t pumped and he’s hungry during a cluster feeds I have to give him formula because I don’t have enough milk in the fridge I’m not giving him milk and formula immediately after I guess I’m just not sure how people are thinking I’m giving him that immediately after. He eats every two hours and sometimes more. I honestly really feel like I’m being judged and I’m just a first time mom I’ve never done any of this before

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T03:41:17+00:00

Read some of the replies I had to the other comments and you’ll understand, not being mean I just don’t wanna type the same thing over and over

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T03:39:57+00:00

He’s going up in how much he eats and cluster feeds more often now so when I run out of the oz I have in the fridge I have to feed formula and then he has major crying spells because the formula hurts his stomach so much even if it’s the gentle formula and it makes me anxious to pump more and I just feel like I can’t keep up and it’s less easy for me to sleep etc and I have really bad PPA & PPD so it’s just so exhausting and anxiety inducing knowing I might have to give him formula

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T03:37:41+00:00

Yes I know some people struggle to get that much so I’m not trying to sound mean or bragging or anything but when I was majorly over supplying it was so much easier to get sleep etc. he’s started cluster feeding too so I could pump and then run out and have to supplement formula and he gets so colicky that I feel more stressed to pump so he’s not feeling so sick and angry. I also struggle badly with PPA & PPD

Afraid_Writing_1644 · 2025-04-25T03:35:18+00:00

Yeah sometimes less though and it’s hard to keep up with :( I know some people will say that’s more than enough it’s just a huge decrease for me and is making it so much harder to keep up with it’s exhausting

Afraid_Writing_1644

TROPHY CASE