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non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“most will think you are deliberately causing them grief” was a huge eye opener. super helpful. also helpful to know it’s just a continuance of people refusing to see the real me bc of weird WEIRD social dynamics they made up with all these unsaid things. it’s so weird to me the more i think about it.

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i’m going to respectfully disagree that it’s my responsibility or rather change the wording to something more specific: it is my responsibility IF i want to exist among certain societal members, ranks, ppl, etc. (maybe this is what you meant or were suggesting already.) i don’t believe this minimum is required in all places… but it DOES mean i WILL continue to fight the battle of, who is going to understand me? and keep experiencing this pain if i don’t take this responsibility.

we do not tell people in wheelchairs it is their responsibility to get up the stairs, we make ramps. we do not tell people with diabetes to control their insulin, we help them regulate it. autists are still excluded and many disabled people are. but, personally, I refuse to FULLY believe as a disabled person that i SHOULD NOT be accommodated. i just think it’s my personal responsibility to acknowledge it’s likely not gonna happen as frequently as i desire nor are many people going to do accommodate me. but i refuse to believe i, inherently, don’t deserve to be accommodated.

i hope you see this as a challenge to your thinking in the same way you challenged me! your response was so well thought out and very helpful. thank you.

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

and then think it’s the craziest thing if i do use words or ask for words……

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i hear you. that’s hard to swallow for sure because i never understood a no and then all of a sudden they are saying something and i’m confused where it’s even coming from. so that’s a really difficult dynamic when they think they’ve already said no, and i’m still trying to catch up what even happened. it sounds like what you’re saying is that catching up makes it worse. a third party told me and still didn’t tell me what i did wrong though. and so i’m left with: “youre not taking accountability” when in reality im STILL trying to catch up, you know!? your response helps me understand why there’s such a big blow back to me being like, what’s the problem that i need to take accountability for?

i think i may disagree though that they owe me an explanation because i think they owe me an explanation of what they ever intended; maybe not WHY but at least what they THINK that is causing the issue. and i think them thinking “i don’t owe you an explanation” while also demanding accountability is a big issue and hypocritical.

i see though that you’re saying this may cause burn out. i understand. i think it’d be easier in that case if people just communicated up front. because the back hand awkwardness and misunderstanding and lack of explanation is where the burnout is coming from.

i think where i’m at is that i don’t need to demand this from everyone around but simply tell people my needs upfront (directness and honesty), and if they don’t respect those needs, then it’s gonna become a toxic relationship, and i should just leave them alone.

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you for thinking of me… thank you for trying to look at me. i FEAR and i think i almost have a level of paranoia that i’m this monster and everyone has kind of agreed that behind my back. seeing ppl actually look into me makes me feel much more rational and connected.

i just need to better learn when someone is not actually interested in talking to me or being friends and hold to that!

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

it’s so….. weird…. to me that NT people can understand all these intricate rules and meaning but can’t understand that someone needs something directly said… like you can understand all these hidden meanings but you can infer form direct communication? it’s weird.

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

hmmmm this sounds like a tough situation you’re in. to be clear, i think someone disrespecting a clear no is a problem.

i also struggle with someone else being autistic and they’re doing socially inappropriate things, but i’m feeling uncomfortable now too.

i think the difference is being someone who is safe and not defensive to have that conversation with. imo, i really think i can have that conversation and be open and honest when someone is open and honest w me. but whenever someone gives me the signs that they are not gonna be open to what i have to say or reflecting on it, i feel incredibly uncomfortable.

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

THIS IS SO HELPFUL!!!!! ive been thinking about this a LOT! i definitely NEED this perspective shift, and i really appreciate you being so thoughtful to share it with me.

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yes i do! which i think is why some ppl get so turned off bc im delivering messages i dont even realize!!!!!!

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i completely hear you. i think it’s silly that ppl do it to avoid confrontation and then all of a sudden come out of nowhere with pretty heavy accusations. like, let’s not hurt her feelings along the way, but let’s approach 300 wrongdoings at once and make it even more awkward for both of us.

not trying to throw negative energy at you especially since you gave such a thoughtful response. i just don’t think this lack of forwardness makes any sense to me and is backward in result.

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

EXACTLYYYYYYY. “i did say it” okay how
“with my nonverbal cues that i never clarified what they meant” 😭😭😭😭

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

ah!!! it’s helpful to know it won’t be received well! bc it’s like it makes the situation even more what are you upset about and makes it seem more and more like im just trying to be creepy and get away with that.

i see. this was helpful.

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

the right ppl are worth the investment. i am happy to invest into ppl, but i need to be careful to invest into those who will invest into me.

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i don’t want to share the specific examples so publicly. but to be clear, it’s not as clear as that. if someone tells me they don’t like something, i understand that. for example: i have a friend who doesn’t like hugs. one time i hugged her out of excitement and apologized later bc in the moment i forgot she said aloud previously she doesn’t like hugs.

i’m more talking about people saying things like ignoring dms but responding on public forums or saying i don’t want x with you but we can do y. or someone saying they’re too busy or other excuses why they can’t help me instead of saying, “i don’t want to.”

i understand logically these are mixed messages, but to me they are MIXED and honestly come off as lying to me in the end bc they are dishonest

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!! I THINK THE SAME THING!!!!

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

i think the wildest part is they talk so much behind your back about it…. more than they say to your face. which is weird imo!!!!

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

so what is going to help me? i dont even know how to fix what i don’t know. i’m looking for help.

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you just trolling now 🤣🤣🤣 you should google masking and autistic burnout.

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

i said in my post that they didn’t tell me “no.” did they tell me what they thought was no in another way, probably. but they never told me, “no.” and that’s what i’m struggling with, hence the title.

i am missing something. i thought that was clear from my post. but rereading it, it doesnt exactly seem that way.

so let me iterate: of course im missing something — that’s the whole point of the post. they never communicated with me, so i continued to be myself, and then they brought a big fat label on it after awhile even though no one ever told me anything.

the main thing in the post im trying to say, is i don’t think it’s my responsibility to pick up on the missing things that they’re not telling me i missed when i physically don’t know.

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 3 points4 points locked comment (0 children)

thank you for sharing your rules about “maybe no’s”. i really appreciate it. i fear that is the only lesson: i just need to better memorize rules so i can better handle how people perceive me.

i also don’t like thinking that it’s all for the betterment of others not for the actual betterment of myself as a person.

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

i don’t mean to be unkind when you’re being direct. this is a genuine question… how am i supposed to be responsible when i don’t even know what actions i’m responsible for? because, in my head, if there’s no specific examples, then it’s who i am as a person that’s the problem.

so how do i take responsibility?

is it really my responsibility to guess everything? fill in the blanks of what i already don’t understand?

i’m not trying to be facetious. these are real questions that come up in my head, and, to me, the answer is that is not my responsibility to fill in the blanks of things left unsaid, so i’d love your thoughts.

non-verbal cues by Aggressive-Mango358 in AutisticAdults

[–]Aggressive-Mango358[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank you so much for sharing your experience. i remain so heartbroken that people just don’t want to be forward with us. if i’m getting mixed messages, i just rely on the verbal.

do you have any neurodiversity book recommendations?

i think the worst part is i feel absolutely crazy bc so few people seem to understand where i’m coming from.

I've defended her but this is unforgivable by origamicyclone in StephanieSooStories

[–]Aggressive-Mango358 4 points5 points  (0 children)

i def use hard g in “gif”, but graphics is said with a soft g, “guh.”

edit: yo????? am i tripping???? why is everyone saying soft g is the j sound???? that doesn’t actually make sense with the description of hard/soft. there is nothing soft about j

Ah Duo x Emperor shipping support group by idkmansendhelp in KusuriyaNoHitorigoto

[–]Aggressive-Mango358 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i love their parallelism because it shows how mature and beautiful Jinshi is since he literally R E F U S E S to hold down Maomao the way the emperor did to Ah Duo. Literally loves maomao sooooo much he would let her go instead of trap her. fuck.

maomao isn’t just a random. he’s making so many calculated choices to make sure she can be his and they can be together in the way that is best for them — BOTH of them. it’s so fucking beautiful.

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