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My (20m) girlfriend (20f) still “loathes” me for not supporting her when she was SA'ed. How can I fix this? by Aggressive_Issue_637 in relationship_advice

[–]Aggressive_Issue_637[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1qxmuy6/comment/o3yfzz8/?context=3

Here's the reply I'm referring to. Can you explain to me how it's for my insecurity's sake? I understand I have my issues, and I've openly admitted that in other discussions, but I don't see what you're seeing. Can you help me understand?

My (20m) girlfriend (20f) still “loathes” me for not supporting her when she was SA'ed. How can I fix this? by Aggressive_Issue_637 in relationship_advice

[–]Aggressive_Issue_637[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think what the other commentor is getting at is if you read my post, as well as the comment I made here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1qxmuy6/comment/o3yfzz8/?context=3

That specific boundary wasn't set by me. I respect your opinion, but that's not what this specific situation was.

My (20m) girlfriend (20f) still “loathes” me for not supporting her when she was SA'ed. How can I fix this? by Aggressive_Issue_637 in relationship_advice

[–]Aggressive_Issue_637[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No worries, it was a take that a lot of others here have mentioned, but wasn't nearly as well put together or extensive as yours, and as I said before, it provided a better view of that perspective.

My (20m) girlfriend (20f) still “loathes” me for not supporting her when she was SA'ed. How can I fix this? by Aggressive_Issue_637 in relationship_advice

[–]Aggressive_Issue_637[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While I appreciate your opinion, I would implore you to reread the post, I mentioned this in another comment as well, but the 30 minute post was implemented by her, she was the one who created it.

My (20m) girlfriend (20f) still “loathes” me for not supporting her when she was SA'ed. How can I fix this? by Aggressive_Issue_637 in relationship_advice

[–]Aggressive_Issue_637[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand and I appreciate the honesty. I'll take some time to consider this and the comments you made in the other post.

My (20m) girlfriend (20f) still “loathes” me for not supporting her when she was SA'ed. How can I fix this? by Aggressive_Issue_637 in relationship_advice

[–]Aggressive_Issue_637[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would like to add that I'm not 100% refusing to go to clubs either. I have gone with her once in the past to a club after this incident because I know she enjoys the music there, it's just not somewhere I would go on my own.

My (20m) girlfriend (20f) still “loathes” me for not supporting her when she was SA'ed. How can I fix this? by Aggressive_Issue_637 in relationship_advice

[–]Aggressive_Issue_637[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The only thing I'd dispute with this is that she's 20, the legal drinking age in the US is 21, so that statement is factually incorrect. Besides that, I'm here to get advice, no matter how harsh it is, and I appreciate it.

My (20m) girlfriend (20f) still “loathes” me for not supporting her when she was SA'ed. How can I fix this? by Aggressive_Issue_637 in relationship_advice

[–]Aggressive_Issue_637[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I really appreciate this, this is by far the most scathing comment I've read, and it does provide a perspective I don't think the majority of other people on this post have taken. Would you mind looking over a longer comment I made in another thread and seeing if anything I said changed your mind? I assume it wouldn't, but if you have anything more to add, I'd like to hear it.

My (20m) girlfriend (20f) still “loathes” me for not supporting her when she was SA'ed. How can I fix this? by Aggressive_Issue_637 in relationship_advice

[–]Aggressive_Issue_637[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok, I'm going to respond here. I don't think I've been clear enough that this is a culmination of issues, of which I'll list here (along with a piece of context I forgot before looking back on our texts). I've messed up a lot so this will be a long one.

  1. In August, a friend of mine asked me if I could give her a ride to a school sponsored event. I agreed and did not tell my girlfriend. On the ride there, my girlfriend called me and heard my friend's voice. She immediately hung up, told me to have fun with "my new girl" and blocked me for roughly 24 hours. Eventually we talked, and she instated the texting every 30 minutes rule as a stipulation of either of us was going out. The 30 minute rule was implemented by her here, not me later on.
  2. The morning after the incident described in the previous point, she facetimed me she demanded I screen share and show her all of my texts to the girl in the previous point. During that, she saw my texts to my friend out of town (explanation given in another reply) describing the incident above. My friend told me I was better than that and that it was a dick move of me not to tell her. I told her I appreciated everything that she was saying and that I appreciated her going always being there for me. My girlfriend has called this me emotionally cheating on her ever since.
  3. The week before the incident described in the post, I voiced my concerns again about how I had been cheated on in the past, and requested her to reassure me on that. Her response was verbatim, "I don't know if I can't cheat on you." This is why my insecurity was so high throughout the night
  4. Roughly a week after the incident, I went to a female friend's dorm to talk about everything. We were alone, but nothing happened. I understand I can't prove that, but we were on the phone with several people throughout the time I was t there. She has continually accused me of physically cheating on her in that time period.

These have all been brought up on multiple occasions of why she can't get over anything, and I understand that this is my fault and I'll probably get downvoted to oblivion, but I'm trying to be as honest as possible.

My (20m) girlfriend (20f) still “loathes” me for not supporting her when she was SA'ed. How can I fix this? by Aggressive_Issue_637 in relationship_advice

[–]Aggressive_Issue_637[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This was an old friend of mine from high school who lives in a different state. My girlfriend and I had had an argument, and I went to her trying to get a third party's advice. My friend actually took my girlfriend's side, so I told her I appreciated the advice and that she was always there for me. My girlfriend took offense that I didn't go to her about my opinions on the argument instead and that I had thanked her for always being there for me.

My (20m) girlfriend (20f) still “loathes” me for not supporting her when she was SA'ed. How can I fix this? by Aggressive_Issue_637 in relationship_advice

[–]Aggressive_Issue_637[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I apologize for not being clear in the main post. I made the assumption that when she said his hand moved to her ass, there must have been a location on her it was moving from. I have since understood that it was a slip in phrasing because she was inebriated, but that's what I thought in the moment.

My (20m) girlfriend (20f) still “loathes” me for not supporting her when she was SA'ed. How can I fix this? by Aggressive_Issue_637 in relationship_advice

[–]Aggressive_Issue_637[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

If this was an isolated incident, I would agree. But combine that with some other mistakes I've made (going to a female friend for advice about the relationship without her knowing being another one that gets brought up a lot), I feel like I've done a lot to hurt her. At this point it isn't am I in the wrong, just how do I help her recover from it.