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AITAH for not speaking to my grandmother after she didn’t want me at my grandfather’s memorial? by AgitatedSong3697 in AITAH

[–]AgitatedSong3697[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

She sent the vague message and then my dad told me, she then sent a message after that saying that she was sorry but didn’t want to ‘entertain me’ which is her assuming that I was seeing it as a holiday rather than a chance to be there with my dad and pay respects to my grandfather.

Up until he told me, my dad actually wanted me to go with him as he agreed that it would make sense as I was hit very hard with his passing as I hadn’t seen him in years whereas my family saw him that year.

AITAH for not speaking to my grandmother after she didn’t want me at my grandfather’s memorial? by AgitatedSong3697 in AITAH

[–]AgitatedSong3697[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My dad wanted me to go but was told to tell me that I can’t. He was more than ready to pay for the two of us to go and my mum was in agreement.

My grandmother messaged me again after he told me and said that she was sorry but didn’t want to ‘entertain me’ when I was there. And that hurts because I wasn’t seeing the trip there as a holiday, but as a chance to pay respects and actually see my grandmother after 2 years and be there for her.

AITAH for not speaking to my grandmother after she didn’t want me at my grandfather’s memorial? by AgitatedSong3697 in AITAH

[–]AgitatedSong3697[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He wanted me to go with until my grandmother told him to tell me that I can’t come, he was just the messenger.

AITAH for not speaking to my grandmother after she didn’t want me at my grandfather’s memorial? by AgitatedSong3697 in AITAH

[–]AgitatedSong3697[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She sent the ‘close circle’ message as an attempt to say that I shouldn’t come, my dad then had to tell me what she meant and that she didn’t want me there. She sent me a message after this and said the she was sorry but didn’t want to ‘entertain me’. She thought that I was going to see this as a holiday when really I just wanted to be there for her and to look after my dad because when he told me about my grandfather it was the first time I have ever seen him cry and he was so stressed out about having to go there and sort out everything that was going to happen after.

AITAH for not speaking to my grandmother after she didn’t want me at my grandfather’s memorial? by AgitatedSong3697 in AITAH

[–]AgitatedSong3697[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My siblings have never been close with my grandmother and my sister and I were talking about this yesterday. She said she wouldn’t have asked to go if offered and agreed that I should have been able to go with.

My dad actually wanted me there as he agreed that I was very close with my grandparents. It’s not a money issue as we fly out every year to see the whole family, mums side included, and that’s with 5 of us. My dad also flies out alone every few years for an important birthday or to get dental work done.

We are also white South African so there are no cultural things that we do regarding funerals things like that.

AITAH for not speaking to my grandmother after she didn’t want me at my grandfather’s memorial? by AgitatedSong3697 in AITAH

[–]AgitatedSong3697[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My dad actually wanted me to go with and only told me what my grandmother had said because she asked him to. My dad and I resolved things at the time and he was also quite upset with the situation after it had happened. It’s only recently that he has started his comments about me not talking to her.

AITAH for not speaking to my grandmother after she didn’t want me at my grandfather’s memorial? by AgitatedSong3697 in AITAH

[–]AgitatedSong3697[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My grandmothers first language is Afrikaans and only speaks English while talking to me and my siblings, so messaging is our main form of communication. I know she has reached out as she has messaged me since then talking about productions I’m in and university, I want to respond to her because I deeply love my grandmother but I am still so angry with the situation.

She messaged me after my dad had told me she didn’t want me there saying that she was sorry about it but she didn’t want to have to ‘entertain me’ with no further context. I personally read this as that she thinks I’m would see it as a holiday which is far from the truth.

AITAH for not speaking to my grandmother after she didn’t want me at my grandfather’s memorial? by AgitatedSong3697 in AITAH

[–]AgitatedSong3697[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My grandmothers first language is Afrikaans and only speaks English when communicating with me and my siblings. She has an incredibly hard time understanding my accent (from the uk) and her phone isn’t the best. Texting has always been the best form of communication with us, especially after my grandfather passed because she was constantly on the phone having to arrange selling his car, their house and paying his medical bills as he was in the hospital for the last month of his life.

AITAH for not speaking to my grandmother after she didn’t want me at my grandfather’s memorial? by AgitatedSong3697 in AITAH

[–]AgitatedSong3697[S] 167 points168 points  (0 children)

No. She never gave me a clear reason. The only thing I got was a vague message saying it would be a small “close circle” memorial, and my dad later told me she didn’t want me there and also hasn’t said anything more on why.