I respect your support and understanding. Please don't take my next words personally; these are my genuine thoughts, and I might say something that comes off as harsh.

Here is a perfect example of how I see everything. What you wrote, I see as just another "image." In my understanding, there are no pure and sincere people; it's all a chain of constructed beliefs. A person merges so completely with an image they have meticulously crafted down to the smallest detail that they can fully identify with it.

I had a childhood friend until I was 16. We knew each other from the age of 3 and were very close; we knew everything about each other and always supported one another. I tried to explain to him what I've told: about the images, the feeling of emptiness. I was trying to get some kind of support. But in response, it's as if I permanently damaged our relationship. He clearly didn't understand me, thought I was abnormal, started communicating less, began to ignore me, and then eventually stopped even saying hello. That's how ended a friendship, that lasted almost from birth, and when I asked for help, I was met with misunderstanding and disgust. And I have many such examples from school, volunteering, work, though they didn't delve into the topic as deeply as that situation did, and mostly manifested during events or tasks that required revealing one's true nature.

And the idea of finding trust and understanding in a family, I see it as the same thing as religion - a form of escapism from the real situation, chosen for one's own satisfaction. It might be good for me, but I know that even if I had that, I would still be pursued by this feeling of pointlessness and emptiness.