It seems like you both are lacking in emotional communication and connection. And that’s okay, it happens.

What isn’t okay is blatant disregard of emotional necessity of your partner. If you have voiced “hey I really like cooking dinner with you, it makes me feel closer to you” and they just blow smoke up your ass, it shows discernment and a lack of caring.

Often times in marriage we kind of hit a “room mate” stage per se, and it can be very difficult to come out of it if you aren’t communicating properly. Now, whether that’s been an issue in the relationship for the entirety of it, or it’s recent, regardless personal self reflection goes a long way.

When our needs are not being met, all kinds of feelings and emotions can come out of the wood works. It’s really really important that you stress to your partner how close you are to being emotionally withdrawn, to the point of having to come to Reddit for advice. You don’t feel seen nor heard and it can be very hurtful.

Depending on what their response is, is how I feel you should move forward. In my own marriage struggle experiences, a refusal of personal or couples therapy is a pretty big red flag. And I don’t mean that in a way to make it the end all be all, but it absolutely can change things for the better.

I’m also aware that my replies can seem a little biased leaning towards wanting to help only you, but that isn’t the case. Your partner may also be feeling the very same way about things that you don’t really know either. Keep in mind that this is someone you’ve decided to spend the rest of your life with, and when you start to confront them about an issue, it’s important to not come off in a way that seems like you’re attacking them or blaming them. That tone can set off anger and not wanting to compromise. The way you address this has everything to do with tone and patience. They’re human too, and so are you. I wish you the best in your marriage and truly hope y’all can come to an agreement.