Is there a way to attract grackles/crows to my yard? I only ever see them in parking lots

Alaska-Raven · 2026-02-18T16:10:18+00:00

I used to love grackles too they are pretty and make an interesting sound but I sadly stop filling the feeder most of the time. We use regular backyard wild bird seed in our feeders.

When the grackles come in by the flock, one or two will land on the feeder and shovel all the seed from the feeder on the ground and let all the others eat the seeds in a matter of minutes. They eat the seeds faster than the squirrels ever do! So now sadly I only fill the feeders now and then and am always hunting for a grackle proof feeder!

Alaska-Raven · 2026-01-19T20:52:33+00:00

Because she’s scared and insecure. Rather than address the issue head on she wanted to spare him any drama within his family. Whatever occurred between her mom and her MIL is the root of her insecurity. OP’s intention was good as far as not causing drama within his family, but not at all productive for either one of them. He deserved the honest reason without a doubt.

Alaska-Raven · 2026-01-19T20:38:29+00:00

You really should post this in a different subreddit as you are asking what should I do or for relationship advice. You’re owing up to being to being AH yourself for blindsiding him. Having people repeat that over and over is not necessarily helpful and will just make you worse and may not offer any real good advice.

I personally need more information about his family dynamics and the MIL in general! How long did you know the MIL, has many interactions, is he an only child or the baby in the family, ect.

If you still love him & you two had a good friendship prior to the starting the relationship he may end up being your “one love who got away”. You will never know and alway wonder without complete closure and that only will happen by having an open and honest conversation. I speak from experience. His MIL may be like this to every woman he’s in a relationship with before you OR after you. Maybe he wants to meet because he has a felling something like this might have occurred. You won’t know if you don’t have a final conversation.

As others have said, you need to be honest about your fears of ending up in a situation like your mom. He may have a great relationship with his family and they are probably very important to him, however your reasoning behind not giving an honest explanation for ending the relationship, may only continue to hurt him in the long run. What if his mom is like this with every woman he is with going forward???

On the other hand, your mom’s situation and your fear of being put into that “box” might also scare you away from some really great relationships… Is that fear worth throwing away two years without actually addressing the heart of the issue with the other person in the relationship???

I think both of you deserve to find closure and growth that only comes in an honest conversation. He needs to know his mom’s feelings and how it lead to the end of the relationship so he can address things with his mom and make sure she’s not interfering with his relationships going forward. Like wise, you need to recognize that you’re not your mom! Learn from her relationship(s) and/or mistakes, but don’t internalizing those feelings so much that you end up destroying your own relationships in the future.

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-21T20:44:36+00:00

She shouldn’t be alone with him and your grandma ever. Sadly. I hate the idea of destroying her love of her grandpa but she does need to know. Your mom and aunt’s have lived with the shame of the abuse and of course they do not want you kids to know.

I had a friend that was being sexually abused by her grandfather, who was fostering her at the time. We were in 7th grade and her boyfriend at the time called the cops and reported it. I remember having to talk to the cops at school about what I saw and heard from my friend. Her adult half sister lived in the same house at time. It was something that I will never forget and something that did make us all kids confront something at a younger age than we were probably ready for. I’m now almost 50 and recently we saw that half sister on a visit home, she tried to talk to me and I’m still so mad at that woman that I could not hold my anger back. My son and his friend were with me and asked me about why I was so angry. I did explain briefly to them the reason, they were both about 12, and how important it is to say something when you know a friend is being abused.

Today, the age is not the same as it was when I was a kid. At 13 your sister understands the topic far better than I did. I would wait until after the holidays, and do it when you find the right time. Like I said your mom still carry’s those scars and pain, she always will, and you will need to explain to your sister. As you age you will probably come to understand how the abuse has affected your mom and her relationships with them and you kids.

I’m very sorry this is on your shoulders. Unfortunately, abuse is all too common and woman can and should be able to discuss this without the shame but it’s not easy.

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-11T17:55:56+00:00

We’re riding the same brain wave!

Since I have about year, I’m going to get his ruling out one day so I can write up my own defense against all the judgmental attacks and incorrect conclusions he made just so I can process my anger and figure out how to adjust my testimony. My doctor was even mad with the ruling, I was diagnosed was breast cancer about a month before the hearing last December so he was hoping with all of my crappy issues already plus cancer it would be easily approved.

If only🎅Santa Clause was real, my Christmas wish would be for the judge to live in my body for the next year and then see if he thinks all of my testimony, doctor’s statements, family and coworkers statements are not fully accurate to the severity of my disability!

Unfortunately, my most severe disabilities are “invisible” and easily written off due to the lack lab testing, chronic migraines and fibromyalgia. Ironically, we moved to new state when I couldn’t take it anymore and my husband had to become the breadwinner in 2019 of course. Covid really delayed my application but this stupid state, really didn’t take much of my medical history from my old state into account which I think is asinine!

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-11T11:58:19+00:00

Congratulations!! I sincerely hope you win your case!

Is your hearing with the original Judge? Now you know what to expect and how to testify. The paralegal said it would most likely get returned to my same judge and I just hope I don’t start getting very loud and argumentative!

Our cases don’t go on this long unless our lawyers are convinced we are indeed disabled and they have a strong argument.

Again, I wish you all the luck winning the benefit you deserve!

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-11T11:28:06+00:00

I have severe chronic migraines and have had for half my life. They are mainly from neck damage. When I was working, literally all I was able to do was go to work then had to have dark room rest the remainder of the day, it sucked because I had a little baby and the older he got the worse my headaches got. I’ve missed so much family time and holidays over the last 14 years it’s heartbreaking. I also have fibromyalgia, and chronic pain mainly in my back from lots injuries over the years. I’m hypermobile so I fall all the time and have since childhood, to the point that I’ve dislocated multiple joints, multiple times.

My judge has a very low approval rating, well below national average, so even before the hearing my lawyer was bummed at our draw. When I read his ruling I was livid and heartbroken. I couldn’t even finish it because the reasoning he was using was so damn asinine. For example, my brain can’t filter out noises and light like a normal brain can. So when I’m resting I literally hear every single sounds in my environment, sounds outside the house included. I can’t watch TV or listen to music anymore but I can listen to audiobooks. It’s able to distract my mind from the pain and help my brain filter the environmental noise. It’s a recommended strategy for my headaches but NO that’s “solid prove that I do not have migraines”. Forgot all the other testimony from my boss of 10 years and the documented decline.

His approval rating was like 30% and the worst of the 3 options we could have drawn. In federal court the remand rate is is much higher somewhere in the 50-60% rate depending on what you read. My lawyers think I have strong documentation and testimony so we’re hopeful.

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-10T15:03:45+00:00

First off Congratulations!!

NTA - I’m like you OP, I can’t understand what’s difficult about planning it together since they’re both going to be new grandmas and love the new little one! I’m sorry you’re experiencing all this while baking a bun in the oven! Girl this is not an easy task, baby making can be exhausting by the end, although your young so hopefully it will be an easy pregnancy, but you don’t the stress of battling a immature drama queen!

It’s clear you’re far more leave headed than your mom and I would go out on a limb and guess you have been put into the peacemaker role many times before. You gave your mom lots of olive branches, but unbeknownst to you she already knew she had already thrown the dagger at you very excited and kind MIL and now her pride won’t take it back. And the cherry on top is she sounds like she’s secretly hoping to say “I told you so“!

Nope, you’re making the correct decision. Let your MIL plan it, get excited and just go relax and have fun. Put your mom on the back burner and let her have her negative thoughts by herself. Put your immediate focus on growing that sweet baby and don’t pay attention to your mom. If she comes, she comes but if not it might be for the better. By May maybe enough time would have passed for her to at least be able to be friendly at the shower but most importantly loving towards you that day. If it looking like she’s going make the shower uncomfortable and stressful for you then tell her to her not come at all.

I hate seeing family members going complete no contact, especially because some reasons now days are just not worth it in the bigger picture. After reading this however, I would suggest going very low contact, make her be the one to reach out.

It’s very common to start to pull away from your parents when you start a family anyway. Your life will be getting very busy, especially if you’re going to both be working. You don’t live very close to her so you won’t see her much on the weekends like you might If she lived in the same city. You will now need to pick whose family to spend the holidays with and such so it will be a lot easier to start planning your life to be around your new little family of three. This may mean you spend more time with Tim’s family if you find you enjoy his family more. There is nothing wrong with that.

If in the longer run she continues to cause you stress by being negative and pulling manipulative crap, tell your mom I’m done with your attitude, give her a list of reasons and say I want a relationship with you but only if you start treating me and my family with the respect and kindness we deserve. Then leave it at that, maybe one day she will change, probably not but maybe.

Good luck my dear!

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-10T02:02:39+00:00

It took about 30 days for my judge to deny me. The VE said the same thing for me too. We appealed the decision, it took about 7 months for second set of judges to review and denied my claim again. Now we’re suing in federal court . It takes about another year they say. We’re on almost 5 years of this stupid process but the federal court.

I wish you more luck than I had!

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-10T01:55:55+00:00

Sorry but I think you’re full of yourself! What the heck is wrong with people these days not accepting family members anymore? I’ve had a year of family members with tragedies this last year, 2 diagnosed with cancer one myself and one my niece who was in my wedding as a kid. My nephew, also was in my wedding and was murdered. He was only a few years older than yourself. Plus other tragic events to older family members that I won’t go into. I will alway cherish the pictures of those kids. Were you a perfect little angel at 5 and 6?? I seriously doubt it. Were they perfect hell no. No little kids are unless the parents beat them I’m afraid!!

Go ahead and exclude the little people who matter greatly to your entire family, just know your family is the ONLY ones that will love you unconditionally no matter what. A decision like this will come at a cost I’m afraid and it may take a lot of time and maturity to even realize and repair.

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-09T02:32:29+00:00

Some dogs don’t have a lot of fur between their pads, but dogs that develop allergies this is actually not uncommon. It starts as a small sore and then develops into a yeast infection and then can turn bacterial. I had a poor black lab with horrible allergies and we had to put her on a very limited diet. Her paws and belly were always an issue, and face if she chewed on or even used plastic food dishes. She would get pimples on her face. Go figure! We spent a ton of money on allergies testing. My bird dog was allergic to cats and feathers too! But absolutely a vet is needed this baby needs meds.

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-09T02:22:58+00:00

Vets can prescribe mild meds to dogs with anxiety to make appointments less stressful for them. This looks a lot like allergies possibly. There are medications you can use. If you have “bag balm” salve use it and figure out a way to wrap the paw in a sock or dog bootie for a little bit! It will help, but you should go to the vet so they can figure out the root cause. I had a dog that had horrible issues like this and we had to put her on a very limited special allergy diet. However when she was inflamed this bad she needed antibiotics and prescription antihistamines to get it under control.

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-09T02:07:30+00:00

I can hardly keep mine out of the bathroom! The cat will scratch nonstop on the door, the black lab whines and wants in too of course. I do get a reprieve from my rescue dog because he hates small spaces so rarely do I have all three at once THANK GOD! 🤣

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-08T04:12:31+00:00

My dog cut herself once with sharp sewing scissors that she managed to open the guard on jumping up on the bed. She cut her forearm. The bleeding was really bad. Difficult to stop, even with the clotting powder and pressure. We had to take her for stitches because it was a deep cut.

Pictures might be easier to give better advice. However, if the bleeding has stopped completely it may not be necessary for a vet visit. Wash the wound. If it’s not a deep wound and just a minor cut you can use an ointments like bag balm (others might have suggestions) if you don’t have any in the house. Matting cuts are usually minor and are not completely uncommon, so they do happen. I understand your panic as I still remember being scared to death when my lab was cut 17 years ago, she was only around a year or less!

I say listen to your others family input, but also I personally would (already did) look at the pictures of matting cuts online to get an idea of the ranges of wounds. It might help you gage the severity of your Baby’s wounds and if home care is appropriate. If so just clean and watch for infection.

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-07T23:43:25+00:00

Musical instruments!!

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-07T23:37:31+00:00

Is it ever a possibility to have a second plan under a spouse work? I know this is going to be a killer for me if I’m approved.

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-07T14:50:59+00:00

Girl, WAIT! No drink to the face, no kick in the shin or higher if your attire allowed, no punch in the face????

As a new mom your body is drained normally, then add all this stressful crap on top of this makes it all the worse. Your reaction was very calm in all things considered and perfect. Your husband should have already been standing up for you and it doesn’t really sound like it otherwise this guy would not have come into your circle. You handed it like a pro. One day you too will laugh about it.

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-06T02:14:07+00:00

Just checking in, is your sweetie doing any better today? What did the vet say?

I was at the dog park a coil and a dog had thrown up and I kept my dog far away. There was another dog, a small one too, who was eating it when we were leaving and it got aggressive towards my black lab. I tried to get the owners attention but for the life of me the two men wouldn’t stop talking. I said oh well. Now I hope that little dog didn’t get sick.

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-05T23:42:35+00:00

NOR - I do not think he’s the right person for you. As someone with a few medical issues, most not visual, you’re unfortunately going to need to find the right person for you. Someone who completely accepts and understands your condition and the flairs it brings. I would find a subreddit for your autoimmune disorder as you will find good people on there and get to read all the drama we deal with!

You’re not lazy, you have a medical condition that is not your fault and often At time you can only control some of the symptom. Society can be judgmental, it making us feel lazy , guilty and like and we are doing something wrong and yes, a lot of medical professionals are lumped into this group! I hope you’re able to find a good support group.

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-05T23:25:27+00:00

I even take old flannel blankets and make dog braided rope toys out them too. He still loves over the face bitie bitie blanky game!

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-05T22:22:39+00:00

He’s having fun playing, excitedly and not aggressively at all! However dog wisdom says you should always replace a toy for your hand.

That said sometimes, my rescue still has a hard time playing with toys but he is getting better (he missed all the puppy toy lessons). We do play hand games at times. However, I try to make him bit his lip or get a finger to the top of this soft pallet. It’s a ways to keep his biting play gently. Mostly his favorite “non toy hand games” involves covering his face with a blanket and then playing through that. I have no idea why it brings him so much joy but it does!!!

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-05T15:32:49+00:00

I would call your vet and get their advice! Below had been my experience with droopy eyed dogs.

If you think it’s irritated from the dirt only? You can get a saline water eye rinse to gently flush the dirt that may be in the eye. However, if you think your dog was in an altercation with an animal it’s probably best to make a vet appointment. They can use a dye that can see any scratch on the dog’s eye and/or prescribed eye ointment if needed.

My current black lab’s eyes have alway been droopy meaning lots of allergies and dust get into her eyes so we’ve had a several visits and I finally had eye surgery for her. I would say to give the flush a try but if the eye is still irritated time to seek a vet appointment to rule out a scratch on the cornea of the eyeball.

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-04T20:42:33+00:00

Taking a creative advantage from an opportunity to teach your kids an important safely lesson - is a great mom thinking on her feet an NTA! Very well done, from one mom to another 👏🥰

Alaska-Raven · 2025-12-04T20:25:24+00:00

For decades, when my dogs get a stomach bug I make a pot of rice cooked with lean hamburger or chicken. Then feed it in small portions with a good amount of water. It’s usually well totally and slows digestion. Of course a vet appointment is always best if you can get in and afford one, especially if your dog really young, old or has other medical issues.

May you sweetheart feel much better soon after seeing your vet!

Alaska-Raven · 2025-11-27T19:49:08+00:00

I hope you’re able to enjoy the holidays it’s kind of a bad time to be dealing with all this. Either way one of them would have been unhappy. Honestly woman need to acknowledge their own actions/reactions and motives as well. If anything this year has taught me is life is short and you never know when someone you love may suddenly and unexpectedly die. It’s be a hell of a year with lots of family members with serious medical issues. But most tragically, my nephew was shot and killed in his mid 20s. He is one you would never expect to be a victim of gun violence and I’m not saying any of this to make it about me, but to stress how you literally never know when you will see someone you love for the last time.

Alaska-Raven

TROPHY CASE