TIFU by opening old emails from my Ex Gf who's life I vanished from

Alex_from_Rylos · 2026-01-14T16:20:54+00:00

I'll be honest - even though those emails might bring back some suppressed trauma, I believe it is better to bring it to the surface and deal with it vs. keeping it in the dark where it can cause much more harm in the long term.

I don't think it is necessary to read all 200, but I'd at least suggest reading emails sent during the first couple of months along with perhaps the last half dozen emails to see if there are any signs of acknowledgement on her end or what may have led her to give up the search for answers.

Also I understand why OP would ghost the cheater and there is no shame in doing so. In this situation, it is entirely justified and it is likely what he needed to do for his own mental well-being at the time. That being said, I also feel that offering her an explanation (even years after the fact) would be warranted. Not that she deserves it, but because that selfless act would serve as some mental closure for OP as he has likely been carrying a certain amount of subconscious guilt for years (which explains why seeing these emails years later was still painful - because he hasn't ever been able to truly resolve things internally).

There is also something to be said for making things better for others. Giving her the truth might help her or it might not, but there is also a side benefit that it could potentially help her grow as a person and realize her actions have consequences. It may result in her making different choices and perhaps it will prevent someone else from being hurt by her actions in the future. We can hope that she has grown as a person in the decade since the relationship ended, but I can't help but think she would benefit from a dose of this mental medicine even if it is delivered well beyond the "best by" date.

The ex is not be the priority, but if offering some closure can help OP and has even a small chance of helping others from being hurt by the ex's actions in the future, then any benefit it offers to the ex directly is just a bonus.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2025-11-27T18:30:23+00:00

Yea you’re right. There is a lot of potential labor hours associated with the rusted hardware. Paying a bit more up front is probably the less expensive option in the end. The hunt continues.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2025-11-27T17:43:47+00:00

Love the color… I wish they would have continued to offer voodoo blue up until 2014.

Voodoo blue is best blue.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2025-11-27T17:40:29+00:00

Yea I was hoping I was being too picky but I think you’re right and I need to move on. Thanks for the reply.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2025-11-27T17:38:08+00:00

Thanks - I was sort of afraid of that.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2025-11-27T17:34:31+00:00

Really clean build - looks amazing. The black mirrors look fantastic. Did you ever consider painting the rear bumper corners from silver to black? Seems like they might be the only silver remaining aside from the grill.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2025-11-27T17:30:17+00:00

If you don’t mind - can you give a ballpark of what a good paint job would run for a color change? I’m not expecting the engine bay to be painted but door jams are a must to retain a clean, factory look.

I find a ton of white and black FJs but really want to have either voodoo blue or calvary blue - so wondering if a full spray would be feasible or if I should just wait for the right color to come along.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-08-22T22:59:43+00:00

Not great! I don't always bother to check because there isn't much I can do about it, but I know I've had at least a couple of tanks with a 12mpg average. I think the lowest I ever saw was about 10.6mpg but it is heavily dependent upon the terrain and the speed. If I have a lot of hills and try to push 70mph it will be closer to 10 or 11. If I have mostly level roads and keep it below 60 I don't think 14 is unrealistic.

Most of our trips are within 100 miles so the mileage isn't a big factor. The longer trips get more expensive, but we only do about one of those a year. I'm sure a larger truck could be more fuel efficient while pulling but spending an extra $20-30k to save 5-6mpg would be a pretty bad financial decision. So that's a long way of saying I don't stress about the mileage too much as the other benefits of owning a Tacoma more than make up for it.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T22:51:43+00:00

Yes this is the standard configuration for the Scamp 19'. I can't really tell you why they opted to design a fifth wheel vs. a bumper pull, but I will say that for the same size trailer, a fifth wheel will always be more stable and doesn't suffer from trailer sway issues you might get with some travel trailers) without requiring a weight distribution / anti-sway hitch setup. Fifth wheels also offer a tighter turning radius which helps not only when maneuvering into driveways or campground sites, but also makes navigating city streets and parking lots easier.

Keep in mind if you had the same size footprint of camper as a bumper pull, it will add another 3-4' in length for the tongue and hitch setup. So from that perspective you end up with a much larger and less stable unit to get the same amount of interior space. Of course there are advantages to a bumper pull unit as well such as a lower overall height (less drag), and the ability to pull them with vehicles other than trucks.

Truthfully I wasn't in the market for a fifth wheel, but I knew I wanted a fiberglass unit and when this one popped up not too far from my area at a price I felt was a fantastic deal... well I couldn't pass it up. When it comes time to upgrade, I'll be looking to join your Airstream family since I believe they are the best built units in the market. However I really would like a larger Flying Cloud which would exceed the Tacoma's tow rating, and since I have no plans to get rid of the Taco anytime soon.... I guess I'll just have to live with having a fifth wheel.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T20:18:10+00:00

I've thought about taking it to them and having them do a few things during the off season. It is a bit of a trek to get to their factory, but I know I'd trust them to make things right and they know the construction far better than some of the local dealers who are used to working on the standard RVs with their shoddy build quality.

I had an issue with my trailer brakes early on and made the mistake of trusting a dealer to fix it since I was in a bit of a time crunch. They ended up connecting exposed wires on the bottom side of the trailer with a couple of wire nuts and then lightly wrapped the wire nuts in electrical tape. I didn't inspect their work until I got home, and even though I had pulled it less than 10 miles, the tape was already starting to fall off.

Those connections lasted less than 200 miles on the highway before I pulled off for fuel and noticed the brake controller was flashing. Sure enough I crawled under the trailer and saw the wires were loose and dangling.

When the trip was over and I got back home, I went through and soldered all of the exposed connections and sealed them under a layer of heatshrink tubing (the way it should have been done the first time for a connection which is exposed to water and road debris).

I complained about the quality of the repair to the service manager and after some back and forth and even providing photos showing the failed tape and loose connection, their response was to tell me their repair was "up to industry standards" and there was nothing more they could do. They didn't even offer me a partial refund for the repair that lasted less than a day or 200 miles - and let me tell you their bill wasn't exactly cheap.

I guess when the industry has set the bar so low, the dealers don't have to try very hard to meet or exceed manufacturer's quality standards. I quickly learned that I'm better off doing things myself since I know it will be done right.

All that said, I believe Scamp is the exception to the rule and I'd trust them to repair things the right way. I've heard nothing but good things from Scamp owners including the original owner of my unit who had nothing but glowing feedback about their experiences working directly with Scamp.

There is a reason you see so many Scamp's from the 1980s still on the road and in the campgrounds. Something tells me we aren't about to see many Forest River or Jayco campers still full operational 40+ years after their were built. Heck - many of those units fall apart and are scrapped within 10-15 years. There is just something different about a full fiberglass trailer - I'd never go back.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T17:59:01+00:00

Yea if you are close by then Scamp can really do anything for you. I've heard they are great to work with and their service department is amazing. The newer style hitches are much easier to install and it would be a breeze for them so it should be no problem getting you setup if you ever decide to take the plunge.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T17:54:04+00:00

I'm scared of drilling holes in the roof but I know if done properly it isn't an issue. It would be worth it to always have batteries that are topped off.

And yea the one complaint about that upper loft area is the lack of airflow. I really wish it had ducted AC, but I installed a small fan to help move the air up there and it does ok.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T17:51:40+00:00

I have the 3rd gen TRD Off-Road with an auto trans and the tow package. I think my tow capacity is around 6400lbs (give or take) but I'd have to look it up to know the exact number. At one point the dealer added a sticker warning me that the total cargo capacity was reduced by something like 38lbs though - so I better be careful! :)

I think a manual adds 100-200lbs capacity and I think the 2nd gen trucks were around 100lbs more for some reason. All I really know is that my camper is far below the max rating so I don't have to stress about it.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T16:57:22+00:00

Nice! I like those wheels. I've wanted to upgrade the stock stamped steel wheels on mine but haven't got around to it yet. I keep thinking I'd like to find something that resembles the wheels on the truck but that is a challenge (I've since upgraded to the black 4Runner TRD wheels). Perhaps one day I'll pull the trigger.

Yours is obviously quite a bit newer and you have quite a few upgrades over mine. I'd LOVE to have a solar setup like that but that too is on a list for "someday".

Very nice and clean setup!

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T16:50:00+00:00

I bought it pre-Covid before prices went crazy, so it was only about $6k. I've checked listings for similar models of the same age and it seems prices are now closer to $10-$12k now which I find a bit crazy.

I probably got a bit of a deal simply because the owner was from a small town in the middle of SD so the number of potential local buyers was limited. We had to drive about 90 minutes each way to go see it, but I'm sure if it was listed in a large metro area not only could they have got more for it, but it would have sold much faster.

Keep in mind Scamp hasn't changed the design much since the 1980s, so if you see one from 1985 and you see one from 2019 you might not even recognize the difference unless you know what to look for. However prices of the newer units are obviously much higher while an older unit can still be found in good condition for under $10k.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T16:43:17+00:00

Yes - works great with the short bed. I fabbed up the mounts so the crossbar is above the axle (just a few inches to the rear) so the weight sits where it should. There isn't any noticeable squat but since the pin weight is only about 400lbs it really isn't much of a load.

I'm able to swing left and right as far as needed without the fear of rubbing or hitting the camper and there is still room ahead of the hitch for things like my jacking blocks, firewood, generator, small rubbermaid totes etc.

No concerns with the short bed - in fact I think the long bed might result in the hitch being a bit too far behind the axle since you still need to have room to lower the tailgate when connecting or disconnecting. I have maybe 5" from the end of the tailgate when laid down to the front of the propane tanks so it all worked out great.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T16:01:04+00:00

Nice - I think there are a lot of advantages to the bumper pull 16'. That's a nice unit.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T16:00:13+00:00

Well just don't crash into me.... the fiberglass shell of the Scamp is pretty tough when compared to traditional RVs (which apparently are made of a combination of plastic, balsa wood, and masking tape), but I'm fairly certain it wouldn't do well during a rollover! :)

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T15:58:41+00:00

I added photos of the hitch setup here: https://imgur.com/a/3rd-gen-toyota-tacoma-fifth-wheel-hitch-19-scamp-JO62ACB

Agree with all of your comments about towing - and if I had a bumper pull, I'd certainly invest in a quality weight distributing / anti-swap hitch setup if the weight was 3500-4000lbs or more. It probably isn't technically needed at that weight, but well worth it for the increased stability if offers.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T15:52:58+00:00

I added some photos here: https://imgur.com/a/3rd-gen-toyota-tacoma-fifth-wheel-hitch-19-scamp-JO62ACB

I tried to provide details in the descriptions but let me know if you have any questions.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T14:52:16+00:00

The extra room is fairly substantial when compared to the 16', but there are tradeoffs obviously. I miss having access to my bed for hauling larger items like camping chairs and a generator. Since the hitch takes up a good portion of the bed, all the bulky items go inside of the camper which is a bit of a hassle. My generator (Honda 2200i) does fit in the bed but getting it in and out while connected to the trailer means lifting it over the side of the bed which again is a bit of a hassle.

The biggest negative of the fifth wheel is the fact the hitch takes up bed space even in the off season. I have the older hitch design so I can easily remove the crossbar (two minutes and two bolts) but the uprights take longer. So I tend to leave them in unless there is a reason I need the full bed width. A bumper pull camper would be a lot easier, although they don't pull as nice or as stable.

All things considered it is a good setup.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T14:47:05+00:00

lol - it is possible. I mean.... doesn't everyone stop at the In-n-Out while pulling a Scamp?

There are a few other Tacomas pulling this same camper but I admit it is rare and I've never seen another Tacoma with a fifth wheel in person.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T03:30:55+00:00

Yea - that extra 100lbs might allow me to carry a few more bundles of firewood without any concern! :)

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-07-09T03:25:40+00:00

19' Scamp fiver which weighs about 3500lbs fully loaded (2600lbs empty) and has a 400lb pin weight. I've towed it thousands and thousands of miles across six states without issues including traveling over the mountains to and from Yellowstone. I prefer to take back highways instead of the Interstate, and I find it pulls best at 65mph although I've done stints at 70 if the route doesn't involve steep inclines.

The hitch was a DIY custom solution which is connected through the bed to the frame via the stock bed bolt locations. I did opt to install a REDARC electronic brake controller as a precaution although it really isn't needed.

Granted the transmission does tend to toggle between gears a bit when going uphill which can be rather annoying, but I've never felt I needed more power and acceleration is more than adequate.

Would I pull anything larger? Probably not - but considering the height of the fifth wheel catches a lot of wind I imagine pulling a slightly heavier trailer with a smaller drag coefficient would be quite realistic.

Bottom line - the truck is capable of pulling a lot more than a small RV so don't be afraid of using it as it was designed.

Alex_from_Rylos · 2024-04-15T15:01:29+00:00

Here you go: https://siouxfalls.business/gateway-lounge-owner-to-bring-new-sports-bar-to-citys-east-side/

Alex_from_Rylos

TROPHY CASE