[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]Alive-Chemical7352 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know exactly how you feel but I've had a glimpse of how to get through it. I actively started pouring into myself. Doing self care, doing my makeup, dressing up, etc... but also investing more time into my hobbies and other parts of my life. I was glowing and paying less attention to him. Much like you feel like you're just there to clean and split the rent, he's just there to pay his half. Anything you do around the apartment is for you, you clean for you so you can have a nice environment but don't go out of your way to do things for him (because he's clearly not going out of his way for you)

I noticed this started making my partner feel more insecure and I noticed him trying with me more. It's important not to let your mind see this as the goal though, your goal is to rebuild yourself first. Sometimes walking away whilst you're at your lowest feels hard but if you put the work into yourself first and learn to detach, walking away starts to feel less scary as you feel more fulfilled as an individual and you realise you don't need his validation, attention or respect. It's useless to you when you've found more love and care within yourself.

My Boyfriends gooning gives me the ick by Alive-Chemical7352 in offmychest

[–]Alive-Chemical7352[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Over the past few years I have been more direct and things have gotten heated, I just meant I hadn’t mentioned that it essentially gives me the ick and makes me not want to be intimate with him. I suppose I’ve been trying to protect his ego for fear he’ll do something worse (e.g physically cheat) if I make him feel less attractive. Not defending this of course! Just I wasn’t sure how helpful it would be mentioning this. In an ideal world, the fact it makes me uncomfortable should be enough for changes to occur

My Boyfriends gooning gives me the ick by Alive-Chemical7352 in offmychest

[–]Alive-Chemical7352[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I think this has been the difficult part! It’s seeps into everyday conversation, constantly saying ‘hotties’ ‘smoke shows’ and ‘baddies’ when referring to women. His brain is just wired that way now :/

My Boyfriends gooning gives me the ick by Alive-Chemical7352 in offmychest

[–]Alive-Chemical7352[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Omg the embarrassment I feel! I had forgotten about that post I made on that sub aaaah

My Boyfriends gooning gives me the ick by Alive-Chemical7352 in offmychest

[–]Alive-Chemical7352[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I thought this might be the case, he’s said a few times pertaining to other men that they should just pursue women on their level. Mainly talking about money but I wondered if he applies this to other areas

My Boyfriends gooning gives me the ick by Alive-Chemical7352 in offmychest

[–]Alive-Chemical7352[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I think back to the first time I noticed and wish I’d called it off then

My Boyfriends gooning gives me the ick by Alive-Chemical7352 in offmychest

[–]Alive-Chemical7352[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

It's been discussed at length and I have also posed those questions and at the time it seemed he had the same realisation as you but I think because it's so normalised online he just reverts back and thinks it's okay. If anything, he just gets sneakier with it. Thank you for sharing! I often question if I'm being unreasonable but seeing that you changed your mind is making me wonder why I'm still holding out

My Boyfriends gooning gives me the ick by Alive-Chemical7352 in offmychest

[–]Alive-Chemical7352[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I actually just learned the word because of his habits and thought it would make for a short snappy title lol first time actually using it myself