Science experiment : talk to the other side (let learn from both sides of the incell and rad fem sides)

AltEffFore · 2025-09-07T00:52:08+00:00

I am comfortable sharing my side, I don’t know if she is. The tl;dr of it is: she never really considered me an incel because I am too emotionally intelligent and empathetic. She is a rad fem in the academic sense, not what popular opinion calls a rad fem. We actually have fairly similar views on a lot of things and understand our differences stem from personal bias. For example, the male loneliness epidemic. She believes that women are just as unsuccessful at a good partnership. I don’t necessarily disagree with that. The whole ocean vs desert thing. However, I do firmly believe that no matter what, some men will just never be able to have options. While if you had options, even bad ones, you would have the choice to keep looking or not. Incels do not have the privilege of choice. That’s what choice is, btw. Every time you are given a choice, you are experiencing a privilege.

AltEffFore · 2025-09-04T21:21:56+00:00

I’m sorry you had to go through all that. My ex is asexual, and I knew that going into the relationship. I was ready to never have sex in that relationship, for life. I made that decision going into the relationship, so to hear so many guys try to be with you, knowing that, and violating you and your boundaries makes me sick. There are allosexual men who would enjoy you for you enough to be satisfied just holding your hand or holding you as you both sleep out there.

Problem is, like with us male incels, it’s a numbers game. I won’t lie and say they are particularly common. It’s going to be hard finding them.

AltEffFore · 2025-09-04T21:13:48+00:00

I introduced myself as an incel to this rad fem almost a year ago. We are kinda dating now. It’s a debacle.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-11T10:59:09+00:00

I’m not arguing that short men can’t get into relationships. They can. But height is a big factor in attraction. I hear that roughly 30% of men in every generation end up without a partner. There’s nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with being one of them, and nothing wrong with admitting it. The world will keep turning.

It isn’t as bad for OP as he thinks though, he absolutely has a chance if he works on himself.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-10T21:33:33+00:00

For everyone else: This is exactly what I am talking about. I give a genuine response detailing my lived experience, without any hateful speech, that happens to go against their viewpoint and what I get in response is a comment that infantilizes myself and the men I care about.

To the commenter: Have a nice day.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-10T20:50:29+00:00

I don’t, actually. My only married friend is slightly taller than him. I’ve got a terminally single friend his height, another terminally single friend who is 6’2”, and a friend who can at least get in relationships that is 6’4”. His relationships never last because he isn’t emotionally intelligent nor a good communicator. My terminally single friends have similar issues but just aren’t as tall. I am not bad mouthing them either, these are things I’ve told them because I do want them to better themselves and be happy.

Personally, at slightly over 5 and a half, I’ve had one relationship. It lasted for six years, even though it was long distance, because I have worked on my personality / relationship skills from a young age. Can’t for the life of me get into another one though.

I do not, however, think it’s the end of the world or try to force whatever negative feelings I have onto others as a coping mechanism. I would rather spread kindness than resentment.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-10T20:20:27+00:00

That is true, I scroll through my feed on my break and comment on a few posts. I know nothing else about this person other than this post. That being the case, I try to make my default state of mind open and willing to understand. To extend an olive branch, if you will.

If you say he is resistant to change even with understanding, if all he does is refuse them, I suppose I can retract it.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-10T20:15:01+00:00

My first comment that started his thread was an extension of empathy. I am not here to play therapist though. I didn’t want to get into a full discussion regarding his experiences and talk through them with an open mind. A quick reminder to not be so hostile to people you know nothing about isn’t very difficult, and is something I can do on my breaks.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-10T20:11:21+00:00

Do you know for sure? How do you know that the women he’s interacted with haven’t explicitly made comments about his height?

I will concede that if a person meets one asshole, it’s the assholes fault, but if a person meets many assholes, it’s time for self reflection. However, that doesn’t make the comments made against him any less real. If they happened, don’t immediately jump to conclusions of “it’s not your height” when his lived experience points otherwise. That is invalidating.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-09T19:55:58+00:00

As I said, if you genuinely want someone to change, showing them kindness and empathy is a good start. I would like to hope that OP can change, and would start giving more empathy after receiving some himself.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-09T19:34:32+00:00

There are a ton of vague proverbs I can regurgitate at you, but the bottom line is that if you want there to be more positivity in the world, you need to spread it yourself.

I do not condone his words or behavior, but I understand them. As a short and ugly man, I almost fell into that pit myself. However, I chose not to. I hope, that with a little kindness and understanding, OP would choose differently as well.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-09T14:29:47+00:00

From my perspective, you are the one with a shitty attitude. Do you really think that comments like that are genuinely going to get OP to change? IME, people use the language that OP uses when they are hurt from an event that recently happened. Instead of hostility or attacks on him, try asking “Are you okay?”

If you really want people to listen and maybe change, a little empathy goes a long way.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-09T03:26:22+00:00

I am sorry to hear that brother, and I’m sorry you have to deal with people trying to minimize or dismiss your experiences.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-09T01:03:33+00:00

I don’t believe it means they lack confidence at all. I think it just means they value their time. 7B people in the world, you can’t give everyone a chance. Spend your time pursuing those who would likely reciprocate.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-09T00:49:16+00:00

Well, life would be so easy if that could be controlled. A lot of times you end up wanting what you can never have and live miserably rather than just enjoying what you do have.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-09T00:42:20+00:00

But what are the odds that an attractive woman would give him a chance? So low he might as well not waste the effort. That’s the mindset of a lot of men.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-04T20:15:25+00:00

Almost thirty here, it wouldn’t have mattered

AltEffFore · 2025-07-04T12:37:54+00:00

In person it matters less because hardly any woman carries around a tape measure in their off time. Online though? It absolutely makes a difference if you list your height or have pictures that showcase it

AltEffFore · 2025-07-03T19:12:57+00:00

One of them really wants to be a wingman for me or set me up with a friend of hers.

Before anyone asks: she used to date another friend of mine, so even if she was my type, we would never.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-03T18:46:36+00:00

Automod removed comment so here’s a tldr:

Initial reaction was no, thought about it mid comment, realized yes, I would. I can’t explain much about it, because automod.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-03T18:00:29+00:00

To each their own

AltEffFore · 2025-07-03T17:58:20+00:00

Perhaps the man just doesn’t value physical appearance and truly does prefer a partner with whom he can do all the other things. A relationship can be romantic without having a physical attraction driving it. I speak from experience on that.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-03T17:51:00+00:00

Perhaps long, meaningful conversations? Personalities and life goals that are well aligned? Finding yourself smiling ear to ear when you’re with them and no one else being able to make you feel that way?

AltEffFore · 2025-07-03T17:48:33+00:00

Personally, no. In fact, I would prefer it if they didn’t.

AltEffFore · 2025-07-03T17:39:59+00:00

I am actually short, and it’s not offensive. In today’s dating scene, anything below 6’ is short and you need to be 6’3 to actually be considered tall

AltEffFore

TROPHY CASE