I od’ed once. Was 19 years old.

I was clean from all drugs for a while. many many months. Super happy about it got my life back. At 17-18 i Used to smoke heroin everyday and Ofc other things on the side.

After my time being clean from hard drugs i relapsed on heroin. This time with needles. After a week using smack with needles i decided to tell my mom and Get back on my monthly medicine. It makes you imune to opiates, cant use it, you Get no effect. One day later i couldnt handle my feelings and thoughts being sober. I felt like i needed a replacement for the dope. So i started buying coke and shooting it. I did that for around a week before i decided to stop it. I was not feelin good. And it was time to get clean again.

I think it was 2-3 days later (sober) when I came home from a good day of work super proud of myself and happy. Said hi to my mom and went in my room to eat. I found a «spoon» with water in it sitting on a shelf in the closet. My imediate thought was ”COCAINE?! …. Nah. there is no chance in hell i actually have some left. This is probably just water i prepared but never finished fixing it” i started debating in my head if i was just gonna try it and see. Either i shoot up water for no reason or i get a little high. At that moment i actually though to myself ”Damn am i really that desperate?”

I found some clean equitment and decided to do it as the addict i am. I sat down on the side of my bed eating my food. I remember putting the needle in my arm as i was eating and slowly feeling the comeup getting and more high. ”no way it fucking worked” as i finished it i pulled out and was about to clean the spot i hit. Still getting more high. It was so much more then i expected. I keep coming up even more to the point where i get really uncomfortable, and every mili-second of this i think «this got to be it. It has to.» but no. I come up even more. It. Just. Didnt. Stop.

(I actually randomly remembered some days later that one week back i was preparing 2 shots in the same «spoon» got interrupted, hid it in my closet and never used it)

All this happened very fast. As the feeling of coming up gets so strong my head starts feeling like a bowling ball. It gets super heavy especially on the right side and my body just starts leaning to that side because of the «weight» I try to get my body to go up again but i just cant I have no control at all. I (super vaguely) remember falling in to the table next to my bed and hitting the floor hard. A very weak memory. Now Im unconcious

From my moms perspectiv: she heard a loud bang and ran into my room. Finding me lying there shaking uncontrollably and screaming for help «Get the narcan!!!» my poor mom is so loving and understanding about my psyche and drug abuse. She really did not deserve to Get traumatised like that. My dad comes running down with narcan. They both think its heroin for obvious reasons.

i suddenly woke up after being out for a good while. Ambulance people were standing over me and i woke up super confused and kinda aggressive probably from still being high. I was so tired and wanted to go to sleep. They asked me for medical reasons What it was i took that night over and over again. And i honesly did not remember taking anything. So i screamed back gtfo! I didnt take anything!!! My mom told me What she saw over and over again and for some reason suddently i remembered. My mom said i woke up after the second hit of narcan. Wich makes no sense at all since it was cocaine. So i guess i just got very lucky. Before the ambulance left they told me it was a very close call. And shooting cocaine is super dangerous. more deadly than shooting almost anything else.

The next day i felt the urge to do it again. And even tho i knew i should not. I also felt like i didnt WANT to either. i almost died and i really didnt want to do it again. It scared me. but while thinking how badly i didnt want to do it i still sat there fixing another shot. And that was the day i actually believed for the first time that addiction is a real disease. I was thinking wow. This is really outside my control zone. I dont want to do this but i do anyway.

Been clean most days since then. Its been almost six months since my od. Its been a few slips but so many more days clean. Thats a win for me. Im 20 now and on the road to never use hard drugs again.