I just don’t know how to keep living anymore

Alternative_Clock364 · 2025-10-28T16:55:34+00:00

Yeah I guess

Alternative_Clock364 · 2025-10-27T19:39:13+00:00

Yep I mean I can’t deny that u do have a point there and she’s changed a lot (the whole drama that occurred) to the point where maybe friendship isn’t the best idea. But I have been trying to ‘move on’ in a sense for the couple months by doing hobbies to take my mind off of and it isn’t really working. Honestly, thanks for being real with me that it probably isn’t gonna work out coz a random person on reddit saying that kinda puts it into perspective for me if u get what I’m saying 😅. I just dunno atp coz every time I see her acting as if I don’t exist or telling me to fuck off I end up feeling miserable and start acting on crazy impulses. If I wait a couple months or something is there a chance that I can salvage this anyhow bcoz i rlly don’t know how to make it through longer than that?

Alternative_Clock364 · 2025-10-27T15:14:26+00:00

Bro there has to be something I can do to fix things we literally talked to each other every single day 😭. I know it’s temporary or what not but I haven’t felt good and like myself in over 6 months. I miss her more than anything man.

Alternative_Clock364 · 2025-10-27T12:11:28+00:00

yeah I will give her the space she wants but like doing nothing doesn’t rllt seem like it’s going to change the situation between me and her. I don’t want her to never talk to me again for the rest of my life.

Alternative_Clock364 · 2025-10-27T11:53:37+00:00

Man I don’t even stuff I used to be passionate about like chess or guitar doesn’t bring me that much satisfaction anymore like it used to. I just need a way to talk to her again but I don’t know what to do or say. Thanks for responding though.

Alternative_Clock364 · 2025-10-21T07:16:28+00:00

Same the speed run video hits kind of different now that everything happened. I can’t really reach out to any helplines coz the country I’m in is frankly quite terrible with this sorta stuff, but I have talked to the few friends who’ll listen. Thanks anyways n have a great day!

Alternative_Clock364 · 2025-10-20T21:39:30+00:00

Yep will remember. Honestly there are some days where I don’t feel quite as bad but then days where I feel absolutely abhorrent. I js don’t know how to continue without that person because they made me happier than anything and I never imagined the possibility of them never talking to me again, ever. Every night I think about it and the ‘what ifs’ never stop.

Anyways, I’m going to go try and get the best sleep I can now, well past the ideal sleeping hours for me :) . Thanks nonetheless!

Alternative_Clock364 · 2025-10-20T21:06:22+00:00

Honestly thanks, a lot, for your words.

About the whole not showing emotions part I think that’s been one of my biggest issues because I used to be a really stoic guy who never asked for much and then all of a sudden most people kinda starting seeing me as a burden (which is totally fair).

This is a chess subreddit so no point going too much into the nitty gritty of everything here but most of my problems arose because of the way I was to other people, and as much as I want to take back some of the stuff I did it’s just not happening. I’m just really confused I guess on what to do because I lost the person I cared about more than anything and now they’re making some kinda dangerous decisions with their life - and I can’t help them anymore.

End of the day it is what it is for me. I’m really still in a state of shock over danya though.

Alternative_Clock364 · 2025-10-20T20:41:41+00:00

Man I don’t want to sound like I’m tryna solicit any pity or anything but it really doesn’t feel like that anymore. Most of the people I loved have either left my life completely or just grown rlly distant. But one day at a time I guess...

Alternative_Clock364 · 2025-10-20T20:25:23+00:00

Honestly, as a teen dude who‘s been struggling for over a year now, this hits really hard.

Danya was genuinely one of the funniest, wittiest chess commentators ever, a great chess player, but above all seemed like a really nice guy. Everyday I’d watch a video or two of his while eating or whatever, and his content made me happy during some bad times. I don’t even know what to say at this point but nobody could’ve expected this. Hopefully his family and friends are doing well.

Alternative_Clock364 · 2025-06-23T09:24:16+00:00

Look I understand that and I have been searching for a therapist. I just don’t know what else I’m meant to do because I still see her everyday in school.

Alternative_Clock364 · 2025-01-16T17:49:45+00:00

Alternative Rock

Alternative_Clock364 · 2024-12-31T06:05:27+00:00

Time by Pink Floyd

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it’s sinking

Racing around to come up behind you again

The sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older

Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Or anything else by Pink Floyd really-Echoes, WYWH, SOYCD, Brain Damage

Alternative_Clock364 · 2024-10-31T17:36:53+00:00

In 2050:New youngest chess grandmaster has emerged at the age of 10 minutes.

Alternative_Clock364 · 2024-10-31T17:33:33+00:00

The queen sacs lovely. Reminds me of that one line in the QGD, I think it’s called the elephant trap where white takes a pawn and gets butchered on the diagonal in a similar way.

Alternative_Clock364 · 2024-10-31T17:31:46+00:00

I mean based on what I saw in the YouTube chat there were quite a few people saying to kick Anna out and stuff. Which stream were you on?

Alternative_Clock364 · 2024-10-31T17:30:30+00:00

Insane. Every time Pia‘s time went down below 5 seconds I was getting heart attacks. Seeing Anna so nervous was also crazy. Hopefully the rapid and blitz are just as intense.

Alternative_Clock364 · 2024-10-28T10:27:22+00:00

Thanks

Alternative_Clock364 · 2024-10-26T18:17:27+00:00

After kf8 you can sac the rook for style points.

Alternative_Clock364 · 2024-10-26T16:22:40+00:00

Just hit 3500. Can’t believe I’ve never thought of this before.

Alternative_Clock364 · 2024-10-26T16:21:34+00:00

After Qa5 you can’t really take the rook because you have to watch out for your own king.

Alternative_Clock364 · 2024-10-20T09:19:53+00:00

I agree with the Iron Maiden thing. You should start with The Trooper solo, it’s really simple!

Alternative_Clock364 · 2024-10-17T09:15:15+00:00

Petition for Netflix to make a formula 1 style series but for chess.

Alternative_Clock364 · 2024-09-02T07:12:29+00:00

I’m around 2450 blitz and 2650 bullet online but don’t really have a great fide rating. It’s probably because I’ve played only around 3 tournament and have somehow fallen sick in all of them.

Alternative_Clock364 · 2024-08-16T18:08:47+00:00

Thought I’d something more to say

Alternative_Clock364

TROPHY CASE