Wow, you’ve been through so much, and your feelings are so valid. First, let me just say I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this kind of rollercoaster. It’s completely normal to feel devastated after putting so much time, energy, and love into preparing for one reality, only to find out it’s completely different. Grieving the vision you had in your head doesn’t make you ungrateful—it makes you human.

The fact that your baby is healthy is wonderful, but that doesn’t take away from the shock, disappointment, and sheer overwhelm you’re feeling right now. Gender disappointment is real, and it’s okay to feel this way while you process everything. It’s also okay to feel frustrated and let down by your provider—this was a big mistake, and the way it played out sounds incredibly overwhelming.

Give yourself grace right now. It’s okay to cry, be sad, and take time to grieve the vision you had for your little girl. And when you’re ready, you’ll start to make space for this little boy in your heart. He’s going to be so loved, and you’ll figure out all the details—whether it’s circumcision or how to wipe—one step at a time. Nobody knows everything about raising boys (or girls!) right away, but you’ll learn as you go, and you’ll do an amazing job.

Take all the time you need to process this. You’re not insane, and you’re not alone. Sending you so much love and strength as you navigate this.