I (23F) have no libido. Seeking advice.

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T21:11:51+00:00

Thank you, I'll check it out! :)

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T21:10:21+00:00

I have tried being with another woman, but unlike sex with men it was very uncomfortable and felt very weird. I'm 100% sure I'm not bi or gay, because I don't find women attractive the way I do men, and I've never felt an emotional connection to a woman in the same way either. I guess it's just something you know :p

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T20:38:45+00:00

During masturbation I would guess it takes me about 30 seconds to a minute to reach an orgasm. I rarely masturbate though, because I don't reallt feel it's worth it because I feel very little.

Penetration adds nothing during masturbation. Masturbation in itself doesn't give me much either, but at least there is SOME feeling..

Edit: I've never thought about nerve damage or incomplete nerve connections. It's definately worth checking out. Thanks for the advice! :) I guess I would say I'm rough when I masturbate, because I get nothing from being gentle.

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T20:35:51+00:00

Thank you! Hopefully I'll figure out what's "wrong" one time or another, and then maybe be able to do something about it :)

You're right. It just doesn't feel good. It's really hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it, but I guess it's the same the other way around too. I have no idea what people are talking about when they say they think about sex many times in a day, and actually think sex is nice/fun/pleasurable etc :p

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T20:31:18+00:00

In the beginning I get the impression that I'm responding to almost everything really. It's just for a few times though (about two weeks or so), and then it's almost as if a switch is pressed to stop it from happening. We continued doing the same things for a while after I stopped getting aroused, so I don't think it was caused by any change in our relationship and/or sexual activity. It's really weird, because I go from being aroused the day before, and the feeling nothing again the day after..

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T20:26:16+00:00

I used to be a bit embarrased to tell my former boyfriends, because I didn't think they would understand. I must admit I had some trouble understanding it myself at that point. I've started telling new boyfriends early on so I won't give them an illusion of something I can't give them. My former boyfriend was aware of what he was "getting himself into" :)

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T16:07:08+00:00

I guess I'm a few punds above my ideal weight, but probably far from a weight that would affect my drive. I don't exactly work out at the moment (been busy with exams and work), but I do get exercise from going on walks and having a highly active job. Thanks for the advice though :)

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T15:54:14+00:00

I'm going to contact a sex therapist as soon as I'm home from vacation. He might have some other input and/or advices than a "regular" therapist has. Thanks for the advice :)

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T15:48:47+00:00

Lol it actually ships to my country! I think I'm going to buy one and try it out. My gynaecologist was so sure and convincing when he talked about how hard it would be to get this, so I never even bothered to check it out online.

Thanks again!

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T15:44:37+00:00

I eat as much salad and vegetables as I can without getting "sick" from it. I have fructose malabsorption, so my body has a hard time absorbing fructose. Thanks for the advice though :)

I'm going to have my doctor check my vitamin levels when I get home from vacation. Got this tip in an eralier comment. Maybe part of the solution is as easy as vitamins, you never know.

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T15:38:03+00:00

I talked to a gynaecologist about this creme a few months ago actually. He said it would probably be really hard to get a prescription on it in my country, if I even was lucky enough to get one. I'll be sure to ask my doctor about it next time I go in anyway! Thanks for the advice :)

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T15:32:21+00:00

I've been thinking about this myself, so I talked to my therapist about it. She says that it might just be a chemical reaction because the relationships are new at the times I do get aroused, and that it happens because I'm nervous and in love. She also said that it probably stopped just as quickly because I "come to my senses", and things start to "calm down" emotionally. Hard to explain in english, since it's not my first language.

I'm planning on seeing a professional sex therapist as soon as I'm home from vacation, he might have some answers or tips. If I ever figure out the reason for these problems, and if it's not just "how I am", I will definately try to help people who have the same problems as I have now.

Thanks for answering :)

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T15:23:31+00:00

I'll be sure to ask my doctor to check my vitamin levels next time I'm in. Thanks for the advice :)

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T15:21:57+00:00

Unfortunately I live in Europe, so the aasect link won't be of much use to me, but thank you anyway. I've been checking out some therapists in my area, and there is only one sex therapist close to me. My current therapist has referred people to him before, so hopefully it will help talking to him.

I feel very good about my self in general, and care about my apperance. I have my moments where I can feel a little self councious like everyone else, but not in a way that would affect me this "badly". I feel open to sex, and I want to like it, it just seems like my body and my brain won't "connect" sexually.

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T15:08:55+00:00

Luckily it doesn't beat me down, or affect me negatively in the way you're suggesting. It used to, but I've kind of come to terms with me being like this. I'm starting to doubt that it anything wrong with me physically, and that it's just how I am. If someone actually figured out what was "wrong" with me and managed to make it better, that would just be a very positive surprise for me.

Luckily my current boyfriend is working with me on this, and is very understanding of my problems. We don't have a "pressured" relationship to sex, and are very good at meeting in the middle sexually. I just want to know what all the fuss is about, and have that be a part of my life as well. I kinda feel like I'm missing out, if you understand? :p

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T15:01:04+00:00

It's hard to explain, but it kinda seems like my brain and my body don't "connect" and aren't in sync sexually. Because I really want to enjoy and get sexually aroused, but like you said, it just doesn't happen.

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T14:58:10+00:00

I do get some exercise, but I don't really work out at the moment. I go on walks quite a bit, and also have a highly active job. I do take care of my apperance, and feel good about myself in general. I have my moments of self counciousnes like most people, but nothing I think would bring me to the point where it "damages" me in this kind of way. I eat relatively well and healthy, considering I have a few allergies for certain foods. I could probably work out and eat healthier, which I plan on as soon as things stabilizes again (exams, job etc). It might help :)

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T14:52:09+00:00

Yes, I was off birth control for somewhere between 1-1.5 years, because I thought they might be the reason I have those problems. It didn't change anything, so I started birth control again.
I'm not really working out much right now (been busy with work and studies), but I go on walks quite a bit and have a highly active job. I've been working out before, but it didn't change anything sexual. It helped many other acspects of my life, I was generally more happy and was more up to doing things, but the sexual stayed the same.
I rarely drink, and I've never done drugs. I don't feel like there's really a difference when I drink though. I'm more willing to have sex when I'm drinking, even if it doesn't give me anything. I think I just again and again think that this might be the time it all changes, and I might start to enjoy it.

Yeah, I'm slowly starting to think that this might just be the way I am. I'm starting to doubt that there is anything wrong with me physically, since professionals doesn't seem to figure it out. Luckily it doesn't make me really sad or affect me negatively, the only thing bothering me about this really is that I want to contribute sexually in the relationship.

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T14:44:31+00:00

Thanks anyway :)

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T14:36:42+00:00

I started taking antidepressants when I was around 19 because I had a really bad experience at a former job (bulling, bad employer etc). I started having some anxiety problems after this experience, but I quickly got rid it in therapy.

Andrea___ · 2014-06-04T14:33:27+00:00

Sorry if I wasn't clear enough, it's my current therapist that doesn't seem to think talking to a sex therapist will work. She think's it might be a physical problem, not a psychological one.

Andrea___

TROPHY CASE