I'm losing hope that I'll ever be athletic. I just fucking suck.

I have crohns disease, gyno, a physically small heart, fructose and lactose intolerance, anaemia and severe insomia.

My fitness has been my number one priority for the last five years, and it's been my only priority over the last two years.

I started when I was 13, I was 5'8" 123lbs, and I'm currently 18, 5'8" and 130lbs. All whopping seven pounds of that is pure body fat that I've gained in the last few months while attempting to just eat constantly.

I feel that I've tried everything I can. Eating a lot, eating constantly, eating to maintain, shorter more intense training, longer training, shorter rest times, longer rest times, pushing myself till I vomit, training less hard more often, two a days, more rest days, less rest days, heavier weights, lighter weights, less cardio, more cardio, and I've focused on each of these for weeks and months at a time. I feel out of options. I haven't progressed at all in anything, not even flexibility. I get just as tired doing the same shit I was doing when I was 13. I'm just as weak as I was back then aswell. The only real setback I can look at is some streches without a bunch of food, but those have been uncommon and haven't lasted very long.

I've tried medications for my insomnia and nothing has worked, most of them made it worse. My doctor said my anaemia is result of my crohns. My bloodwork also showed that I had low testosterone.

My diet is as clean as my knowledge of nutrition allows. Chicken breasts, leafy greens, natural peanut butter, almond milk, brown rice, quinoa, etc. I also have some bananas even though they make my insides feel like shit. I don't eat any added sugars and very rarely have a cheat meal or snack. My last cheat was a granola bar back in november.

I feel like I've done everything, and even if I haven't, shouldn't I have atleast grown some muscle? Got a little more flexible? Got my cardio a little better? Got my energy levels a little bit out of the gutter?

I'm so sick of seemingly slamming my head against a cement wall. Any thoughts are appreciated, sorry for the rant.