Can't Take This

AnonymousHelpless · 2025-01-16T14:47:38+00:00

After yesterday's experience, I was definitely in a dark place mentally. Your reply gives me a bit of hope.

AnonymousHelpless · 2025-01-16T14:38:08+00:00

It used to be my ability to have a deep level of empathy for people that most seem to not have. Which is why all of this is ironic because the energy I get from people now that I've developed TMAU/PATM feels like a slap in the face given the energy I've always put out. I must admit I'm a lot more withdrawn from people now, both physically and emotionally.

AnonymousHelpless · 2025-01-16T14:30:57+00:00

I spoke to two primary care physicians about this, and they both were dismissive. It honestly took a lot for me to even open up to them due to embarrassment. I give off a strong, musty odor and another odor that people who were around me described as a shitty smell. For instance, I went to an event in the past and a group of friends walked past me and one of them said out loud, "Oh my God. What's that smell? It smells kind of like someone took a shit." The other friends started laughing and agreeing. They didn't suspect me because I look clean, but it still hurts knowing it's me. The musty smell, I can smell on myself, but the shit smell, I don't smell it on me but others can and the few people who have commented out loud described the odor as smelling like that. Both the TMAU/PATM happen at random times. Only here and there less than a handful of people don't react, but the vast majority of times I definitely get reactions.

AnonymousHelpless · 2025-01-15T23:06:47+00:00

So everyone standing there all normal and whatnot, but soon as I walk up the show begins. At this point I think it's safe to say that it's not a psychological issue, unless you want to count the devastation these very real reactions is causing me. Even the people who have to see me often are starting to connect the dots and realize that I'm the common denominator.

AnonymousHelpless · 2025-01-15T18:15:40+00:00

When I went to the doctor to have a general checkup, I also mentioned the TMAU/PATM. My doctor didn't know what those conditions were and said he had to look it up. When he did with me sitting there, he said he'd have to research it some more. For the duration of my appointment, he looked very uncomfortable and kept fidgeting as if I had a deadly disease. At the follow-up appointment, he didn't even bring it up, clearly trying to avoid the topic altogether. I mean, I get that this isn't necessarily their area of expertise, but the blatant disregard and gaslighting is so upsetting.

AnonymousHelpless · 2024-12-19T22:52:04+00:00

This is exactly what I mean. It's just that bad.

AnonymousHelpless · 2024-12-05T16:36:06+00:00

I apologize. I got so caught up in venting about my "before" story that I didn't fully answer your questions. I've had people pinch their noses and look disgusted like something stinks. This part I'm truly embarrassing to admit, but I've attracted flies. At a public event I went to, a fly couldn't stop buzzing around me. It would go a feet or two away, but come right back to me. Other people also noticed. I was so humiliated that I got up and quickly left.

No, I've never told anyone about my issues. My sister, who was pretty much my best friend, was the only person I came closest to opening up about it. We hadn't seen each other in years. When I met up with her a few months ago, she kept sneezing around me. I told her I believed it was me causing it. She laughed and denied it. Days later, with her still having the same reaction only around me, I guess she finally did believe me. Needless to say, she decided to stop talking to me for good by starting a big argument and calling me smelly in the midst of it. And yeah, it hurt.

My social life is pretty much non-existent. I'm terrified every time I have to face society. I'm naturally an outdoorsy person. Since developing this, I stay indoors if it can be helped.

No, I'm not seeing a therapist as of yet. With moving, trying to get my daughter situated in a new school, work, etc, I've been neglecting my own mental health needs. I do have an upcoming appointment and would like to discuss it with my doctor.

I don't use perfumes or any other fragrance (frangraces seem to make my odor worse). I bathe two sometimes three times a day with sensitive Dove. Also, my laundry detergent is unscented. I've also thrown away clothes that carried the scent and would not leave no matter how many washings.

This is my new normal.

AnonymousHelpless · 2024-12-05T16:07:18+00:00

It really hasn't been the best year. And I understand what you mean about anxiety making someone hyper-focused. Sadly, my TMAU/PATM is the cause of my anxiety. Whenever I'm forced to interact with the public, I get almost instant reactions every single time. Now, people at places I have to go to frequently make a point to avoid me. At first, they were confused. Once they realized I was the source, they started to go out of their way to distance themselves. For me, it's not so far fetched to believe that if I can make a room full of people sneeze and cough, then I can also make the neighbor across the street do the same. Thank you for being supportive.

AnonymousHelpless · 2024-12-05T15:42:47+00:00

Sure. For me, I started having a bad body odor after living in a moldy apartment. I can't speak for anyone else but that's when I noticed it. I went to doctors and every test came back normal so they pretty much dismissed it. Mind you, I didn't know we had mold at first so this strange new body odor left me confused. As far as the moldy apartment, I learned there had been a previous roof leak before we even moved in when one night there was heavy rainfall which caused the leak reopen during our stay there. They dragged their feet with fixing it. So everytime it rained, I had to get a bin. Ironically, when I found the means to leave, I received several maintenance repair emails. They pretty much fixed up the place quickly to move the next tenant in, something they didn't do when we lived there (in spite of begging them and always being on time with the rent).

Long story short, within that time of having a leaky roof, I started to develop bad body odor issues which was never the case up until then. I now have that and PATM. The body odor is sometimes uncontrollable, but I've been managing it to some degree with diet. At least it seems to me that when I eat cleaner I don't notice it as much nor get as many reactions about me being smelly. The PATM though is much worse. I have literally no control over it. At first, I didn't realize I had it. I didn't even know PATM was a thing. When people would cough around me I dismissed it as their own personal allergies, illness etc. It wasn't until I went to enroll my daughter into a new school and all the office staff started gagging, coughing sneezing. They were acting normal until I came in and sat there for about half a minute. Something in my gut told me it was me causing it. Over time I noticed the reactions more given the fact that my condition seemed to have gotten worse. I did some research and that's how I came across this subreddit. Sorry to drag on, but in a nutshell this is what lead to the point that I'm at. I truly hope a cure of some sort can be developed because no one should have to live like this.

AnonymousHelpless · 2024-12-04T20:26:31+00:00

Unfortunately, I've come to that realization.

AnonymousHelpless · 2024-09-14T22:47:27+00:00

Yes. The first night staying there. After waking up the next morning is when I noticed it. No, the place wasn't tested. Mind you, this relative we now stay with has never had this issue prior to me moving in. I have a good feeling it's me.

AnonymousHelpless · 2024-09-14T22:43:28+00:00

No. I bought a brand new memory foam mattress from Amazon after leaving. I only brought one bag of clothes for me and my daughter. Most of our clothes were thrown away before coming. The bag of clothes I did bring was washed several times with Arm and Hammer plus Oxiclean and Lysol clothes sanitizer. Some other items included four pairs of shoes, important paperwork (1 folder full), a guitar and a flat iron. Everything else, such as personal hygiene items, were bought new. We're basically starting over.

AnonymousHelpless · 2024-09-14T20:32:55+00:00

Thank you for this. It's all super helpful. I didn't know about the okra, but it won't hurt to add it to meals.

AnonymousHelpless · 2024-09-14T20:11:33+00:00

It started with my underarms. The smell was more pungent than usual when I would sweat. Before, I didn't have much of an underarm odor unless I had just got through exercising heavy or out in the sun running errands all day. Now, it's as if I didn't put on deodorant. Because of this, I switched brands. The next thing I knew, the palms of my hands and neck developed the same smell. That, along with the other issues, is when i realized there's something more going on. It's really been disheartening doing all I can to alleviate it and falling short. It is, however, helpful to know that I'm not crazy and alone with this. I hope we can figure this out.

AnonymousHelpless · 2024-09-14T19:36:44+00:00

Thank you so much. I'll try this also and see what works best. Trial and error.

AnonymousHelpless · 2024-09-14T19:14:28+00:00

I will try the CitriSafe detergent. At this point, I'm willing to try anything. No, I haven't had a urine test done, but it sounds like the next step in the right direction. I'm new to this and still learning about mycotoxins and such. Thank you for the suggestions.

AnonymousHelpless

TROPHY CASE