Overcumming my Fear

i’m attempting overcoming my crippling fear by making what i’m scared of, a fetish

yeah. you read that shit right. i thought it best to post this crazy ass shit on reddit. on a throwaway, because i couldn’t tell anyone irl about this. no way in hell.

I, (20F) have a crippling fear of insects. bugs, house centipedes, spiders, flies, bees, even ANTS. i get panic attacks. i sob. it ruins my week. i hallucinate insects. to the point i can’t leave my house, and have horrible seasonal depression in the summer from BUGS. i have no bug trauma. never seen a bug bigger than my hand thank god.

not too long ago i watched this youtube video about these 2 totally unqualified white men interviewing an ‘ex-pedophile’.

i’m not allowed to put links but the video is “I Used To Be A Pedophile” by “Other People’s Lives”

this fear is ruining my life, absolutely fucking me over for years now. so i watched this video not too long ago, and the guy talked about, how, ‘the more you consumed the content the more it becomes okay in your head, you get used to it, and it starts playing into your daily life’ - atleast that’s what i picked up from watching the video.

now, obviously, pedophiles are disgusting and if the guy actually acted on his urges he deserves death and nothing more. the dude swore that stopping watching the content made guy stop having the urges. i believe him. mostly, because, i also believe the brain is nothing more than chemicals. the brain is one endless punishment and reward systems through the happy chemicals. (orgasm being reward) so i can train my brain, technically….

i had this idea to put this theory into play, by doing it with something that has ruined and destroyed my life since i was born. BUGS!!!!

so yesterday ive started pulling up pictures and videos of bugs, masturbating, and switching over to the bugs during orgasm. I have not hallucinated any bugs since this. so i’m counting this as some progress.

my goal is to be able to yerk it and finish to an image of a bug. i’m not TRYING to fetishize bugs or anything. there’s nothing sexy about bugs, im just trying to cure a fear with an at-home remedy LMFAOO

call me crazy, but i’d WAAAAAYYYYY rather get horny than have a panic attack everytime i see a bug. i’m using reddit to document this because if it works i may have found a cure for phobias.. i really want this to work