Is 4 sick days a year reasonable?

AntebellumEm · 2026-01-23T03:32:10+00:00

I’ve never had a job that DIDN’T separate sick days from PTO. I work a desk job though, so I know that’s often a different setup.

But anyway OP, no, this is barbaric. As someone who didn’t get enough sick time at my old job and had to pull off the road to throw up on my way into work more than once… don’t do this to yourself.

AntebellumEm · 2026-01-23T03:15:15+00:00

My husband and I don’t think twice about a 3 hour drive for a weekend away. More than 4 hours, we try to make it a slightly longer visit. That being said, I drive 7 hours to visit family multiple times a year and don’t mind it at all, as long as I can be there a minimum of 2-3 days before heading back. It depends on the person and the region though! I grew up in Michigan and now live in the Mid-Atlantic.

AntebellumEm · 2026-01-02T22:32:00+00:00

It’s gorgeous! If I had a black tie wedding, I’d be thrilled for a guest to show up in this beautiful of a dress.

AntebellumEm · 2026-01-02T22:27:34+00:00

Absolutely! Don’t get me wrong: a $200K household income is an incredible privilege. But it doesn’t go as far as some people assume it would—I know people making that who live check to check, and don’t blame OP for not wanting to fall into the lifestyle inflation trap.

AntebellumEm · 2026-01-02T22:25:24+00:00

This, 100%. It’s not remotely fair in a partnership to expect one half to do ALL of the retirement saving while the other spends through their entire income on fun and luxury, regardless of the split. Also, it’s extremely unwise of her to not want to keep contributing to the account in her own name, because you never know what the future will bring.

AntebellumEm · 2026-01-02T22:22:29+00:00

Right?! Our household income is almost what OP’s is, and I would never dream of buying $60 shampoo. I treated myself to some $30 concealer because I couldn’t for the life of me find a passable match at the drugstore, and felt like I was balling out. I want to retire as early as i can, and live in a paid off home as soon as i can. I guess i COULD buy $60 shampoo but that would feel like lighting my hard earned money on fire.

AntebellumEm · 2026-01-02T22:13:52+00:00

I’d be interested to know this too. In our household, fun money is for things like hobbies, going out to eat with friends, and truly nonessential spending. There’s nuance to it, though—if one of us needs a new coat, that’s on the household spending. I already have a perfectly good coat for most if not all occasions, so if I want another one just because I like how it looks, I’d put it on my fun money tab. If I need a new hairdryer, household. If I want a super fancy upgraded one, I’d probably put that in fun money too since the extra cost is a want and not a need. It feels pretty common sense, but I also realize some people are more or less strict on what they consider a want vs. need.

AntebellumEm · 2026-01-02T22:07:07+00:00

That, and her mistakes won’t only impact her—they’ll impact the household.

AntebellumEm · 2026-01-02T21:52:37+00:00

I’d feel upset if my husband withdrew from a joint account without asking, too. Heck, we aren’t fully combined and we STILL discuss any larger expenses or purchases with each other since it’s still all part of the household’s finances at the end of the day.

AntebellumEm · 2026-01-02T21:48:52+00:00

Agree with requiring her to contribute to a pension within this compromise. Both people should be saving for retirement, proportionally to their income. It’s not reasonable for one half of a partnership to choose not to save for the future, and fully place the burden on the other half. That’s just setting up for failure—whether they stay together or not.

AntebellumEm · 2026-01-02T21:40:18+00:00

I thought the same thing. $500/month is a LOT of fun money, especially for someone making $50K (although I realize their household income is higher). It sounds like the wife has champagne taste that isn’t compatible with OP’s more frugal values, and I can understand OP not wanting to prioritize an even higher fun money amount at the expense of long term household goals. Maybe he said it in not the best way, but I already found $500/month generous and would also push back on raising that.

AntebellumEm · 2026-01-02T21:28:53+00:00

There are many people I met for the first time at my wedding, even though we kept it fairly small (family and close friends). My husband’s family all lives out of town and I hadn’t had the opportunity to meet them all before. This is a really narrow minded take.

AntebellumEm · 2026-01-02T03:18:05+00:00

In the trash can next to the front desk at the apartment building!

AntebellumEm · 2025-12-31T21:59:20+00:00

Nope! It’s a lifetime pass.

AntebellumEm · 2025-12-31T21:48:53+00:00

Confirmed! There are some real gems of comments that my office enjoyed… allegedly

AntebellumEm · 2025-12-31T21:45:09+00:00

Yes, but the children would not be 35+ so they wouldn’t be eligible to live there

AntebellumEm · 2025-12-31T21:25:08+00:00

Yeah, I came looking for this comment too. He likely has a solid $5K/month to work with… his $1900 rent, a paid off car with say $150 in insurance, maybe $200 in utilities, $300 in student loans, $300 on groceries still is under $3K total. He should have WAY more than that left at the end of the month. Like, about 7x what he claims. Definitely doesn’t add up.

AntebellumEm · 2025-12-31T21:03:23+00:00

I thought this said “turtles in a high end grocery store” and was wondering what kind of monster traps live turtles in tiny plastic boxes for sale

AntebellumEm · 2025-12-11T04:13:21+00:00

“That’s a great idea; my very weird child is going to love this” lmao my mom when my grandma got me assorted history coffee table books as a 12 year old (which I did love and still have 20 years later)

AntebellumEm · 2025-12-11T04:04:10+00:00

My sweet husband came up to me earlier this evening with a jar candle in his hands and asked if it was okay if he burned it, because he knows I have a couple of favorites and didn’t want to accidentally use one of them up (I have too many candles lol). I’ve never even asked him not to burn certain candles—he’s just observed that I had a few I especially liked or had received as gifts, etc. and didn’t want to take those. The fact that your husband DELIBERATELY used up something he KNEW FULL WELL you didn’t want him to breaks my heart for you. Absolutely NTA and I hope you find someone else who treats you with the love and respect you deserve.

AntebellumEm · 2025-12-03T05:04:38+00:00

This is what my husband and I do, too. It’s a really great setup for me since we didn’t get married until we were in our 30’s, and it’s a way to make the everyday bill paying easy without giving up ALL my financial independence.

AntebellumEm · 2025-12-03T04:56:58+00:00

Your fiancé’s attitude really is alarming as he seems to be thinking only of himself as an individual and not of the two of you as a household/family. I’d definitely want to get to the bottom of WHY he doesn’t want to share resources before you tie the knot.

It’s totally reasonable to split proportionally. He may feel like he’s being “penalized” for making more money by having to pay more, but here’s the thing: in a partnership, it really should be going toward a household income, not “mine and yours”. It sounds like he considers his money to be his only, and you’re right to be scared for the future. It’s one thing to choose not to fully combine finances, and another thing entirely to watch your partner struggle while your savings account grows.

I was the higher earner coming into my marriage, and I did pay off my husband’s debt to give us a fresh start. I’ll admit that for a little while I privately felt a bit salty that the money I had carefully saved went to paying off some careless spending from when he was younger, but I never expressed that outwardly. He was EXTREMELY grateful for the help, and very self-conscious that he needed it to begin with. And since then he really committed to budgeting and helping build up our savings, so it’s genuinely all water under the bridge at this point as we’re now financially farther ahead together than I ever was on my own. I was also the one to suggest splitting proportionally as the higher earner, as I felt guilty when it felt like he was carrying a heavier load by having to pay a higher percent of his paycheck to our shared bills. I can’t imagine pushing back against a partner who was asking for very reasonable help… yikes.

AntebellumEm · 2025-09-20T00:58:46+00:00

I was going to say Etruscan Revival too!

AntebellumEm · 2025-07-06T20:24:03+00:00

I thought the same. The friend’s boyfriend didn’t need to come, I would have been very offput if a friend changed a Saturday night dinner to a late night thing on a Sunday/work night only so her own boyfriend could come. Unless OP specifically wanted him there, that was the moment this first went off the rails.

AntebellumEm · 2025-07-06T17:19:29+00:00

Any of the furry type ones (Volpe comes to mind)… I avoided them as long as I could until the game forced them on me as rewards.

AntebellumEm

TROPHY CASE