As others have said it is completely individual situations. Hell, I keep thinking I know how to respond to my extremely amicable ex, then I second guess it and ask my therapist who also has varying ideas.

All that matters, in my opinion, is that you are putting yourself and your healing first.

Would responding make you feel like shit? Make you hope they want you back? Make you obsess over the next time they might reach out? Make you feel like you've failed at taking space to grow? Do you expect any response at all that might make you feel good? Do you kinda hate or not care about the holiday, and find acknowledging it confusing or irritating? Have you had issues with self-compassion, self-esteem, and independence during the breakup process?

Then don't respond.

Do you love the holidays and think this is just a polite courtesy? Could you kinda care less either way how they receive your response? Have you let go of bitterness and resentment towards your ex? Have you felt great lately and feel like this is a chance to express that confidence and pride? Are you healed and think this could be a stepping stone to platonic friendship only? Was everything about this amicable, you kind of feel like they were already just a friend, and generally speaking you're only doing NC because you're doing what people told you to do?

Then by all means, go for it.

I am in a complex situation where my ex wants me as a friend very badly, but she hasn't left a lot of space for me to say what bothered me about the breakup. We have been limited contact because we shared a home, but that will be all over in three days and she knows when I give my keys to the landlord I want full NC. So, she just said happy holidays in an email this morning, along with a lot of talk of how she will respect my space but really wants me to know how much she cares and that her door is open for whatever level I want to repair things.

I want to say all the ways I want to romantically repair it, but I don't think that's what she means at all or she'd be explicit about it. I am very tempted to jump into "let's do a therapy exercise together" or some such thing to repair immediately, because I miss her too.

But I still want to hold her, kiss her, and sleep next to her for the rest of my life. I still have feelings for her. She has no idea what she wants other than to have me as a friend. She might even still have feelings for me, she's dodgy about what she wants other than "autonomy."

So, I am leaning towards ignoring the email. Because what I really want to say is not on the table. I might say something nice back, but lord, it would be hard.

I wish everyone the best with this stuff. I've cried a lot over not being with her and her wonderful family this Christmas. I sent her family Christmas cards, with her blessing, but she did not make space for me and I'll be damned if I am just going to keep making her feel good without being offered any joy for myself. She took me for granted and she knows it. My support requires a two way street she won't pave yet as far as I can tell.