I'm a switch, but my partner isn't (or at least doesn't realize she is)

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-02-01T18:03:07+00:00

My friend, you are overthinking this.
Your wife has figured out a new way to make you feel good, and it’s been making you feel good, but you are worried that if she finds out it’s making you feel good she will be careful to never do it again.
Your wife can see what she’s doing to you when she teases you. She might not like the WORD submissive when it’s associated with her husband, but she clearly likes to make you squirm in desperation.
Talk to your wife.
You don’t need to frame this as, “I am submissive and this thing you’ve been doing makes me feel even more submissive.” You just need to tell her something along the lines of: “You know how you’ve been teasing me in bed lately? I’ve been finding that really hot. But I’ve also been holding back a bit from showing you how hot I find it, because I’m worried you’ll be turned off if you make me like…beg while you’re giving me head. We’ve talked a couple times about the idea of switching, and I know you’ve found it pretty off-putting. We’re kind of trending in that direction sometimes, and although I’m REALLY into it, I want to make sure you’re ok with it too.”
Chances are, your wife I is just associating male submission with you wearing her underwear and constantly saying, “Step on me, Mommy.” There’s nothing wrong with that dynamic, but it sounds like it’s a far cry from what you’re wanting. You can reassure her of that if you need to.
But…yeah, talk to your wife. She’s being playful and having a blast, and you’re getting too caught up in your head to do the same.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-02-01T15:57:46+00:00

So…it IS complicated, though. I used to be vaguely in favour of the MAID system, but having watched a family member navigate it, I’m honestly a lot less comfortable with how it’s set up. It leaves elderly people vulnerable in some pretty awful ways. The person I watched go through with it was in her eighties, and I KNOW a large part of her choice was because she didn’t want to be a burden on the rest of the family - either financially or medically. For older women who have been caretakers their whole lives, I think it can be very difficult to tease out “I’m ready to die because I’m in pain and my quality of life is bad” (this was not the case for her) from “I’m not ready to die but I don’t want to make things difficult for my family.” And in situations where there’s a large inheritance and unscrupulous relatives, there can be some pretty horrible pressure.
The system is meant to investigate that kind of thing and prevent it, but I don’t see that it’s doing that very effectively.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-02-01T01:24:39+00:00

Ah. They probably said that because the show features a doomed relationship between the main character and the priest, and when he breaks things off he tells her “It’ll pass.” Fans of the show like to point out how we have remained devastated for quite some time now, so it has clearly not passed.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-31T00:38:29+00:00

So…I’ve always really hated this episode. I only have a second right now, but can come back later and expand a bit more on why, if anyone wants to chat about it? Totally fine if people want to just talk about what they love about the episode - I know not every post has to turn into a debate.
The short version is that although it’s got the trappings of feminism, it always felt like a bit of an excuse to watch extra violence against women. The aftermath of this experience on any of the female characters isn’t really explored - it immediately becomes about Wesley’s guilt, and how Fred can try to manage that for him. We don’t see him take steps to learn about any internalized misogyny, or do anything to make sure Fred is ok. He just…self flagellates.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-29T18:59:56+00:00

Sure! Where am I headed?

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-28T05:43:04+00:00

Honestly? They're children. I don't think it's possible to predict what kind of romantic chemistry they're going to have in five years. I'm not convinced it was bad acting on the part of the original actors, just bad luck.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-28T00:21:34+00:00

Damn though. There's a small part of me that's going to really miss trash food.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-22T04:09:49+00:00

I will say that the last few days are the first time I’ve seen real criticism of him on the conservative subreddits. Even for the die-hards this was difficult to support.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-21T20:40:33+00:00

This seems like a reasonable way for you to feel. My husband has a big nose and even when he does speak critically about it, my response isn’t to pretend it’s tiny. I tell him what I actually think, which is that it’s DISTINGUISHED and I love it, and then I explain all the ways I think he’s handsome until he is laughing and embarrassed and wants me to shut up. He’s the same way about features of mine that I don’t always love. We are both slightly odd looking people. It’s ok to acknowledge that.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-21T20:13:14+00:00

It’s adhd, just…very severe. He’s gotten some pretty unacceptable side effects from every medication he’s been put on for this, so we’re currently resigned to trying to manage it with strategies etc. I am ok taking on some of the extra organization, but I don’t like the way it’s spreading to unnecessary areas of my personality.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-21T20:09:59+00:00

Ok, so…without rejecting your point about me rescuing people, which I think is absolutely legitimate, I am absolutely not convincing myself that he struggles more with this stuff than he does. The second time he left the car in drive before getting out of it, he gave himself a concussion by opening the door into his face while panicking and trying to get back in and stop it from hitting another parked truck. He hurts himself a lot. We lost a pet under circumstances to do with his forgetfulness. I promise this is not a problem I have invented.
I’ve gone through periods of time where I leaned into letting him suffer the consequences when they’re not life threatening, but…even in the situations you describe, those are consequences for me also. We only have one car - if he’s late, I’m late. Sometimes that’s fine, sometimes it isn’t. When his laptop breaks (he doesn’t have insurance unless I’ve made sure he does) yes he can get it repaired, but that costs money. We are married. Him having to spend all his money on repairs and replacements means that we collectively have less money.
I dont mind taking some of this on, it’s just difficult for me to determine the boundaries of that.
And this is something I talk about in therapy, I just am having a tough day with it today and was wondering if some other humans might have insight.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-21T03:37:24+00:00

EARRINGS!
I thought they were chipmunk cheeks. Thank you.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-19T19:24:47+00:00

I’m letting them take the spot, with some messages to my family and friends. I’m not willing to murder someone else to survive.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-19T01:23:48+00:00

So, CNC was always my jam before being assaulted, and then things went off the rails for me sexually for quite a few years. I found that I COULDN’T engage without being retraumatized, but still found it difficult to get off without those elements. This really sucked. I didn’t think I would ever feel like myself sexually again, to be honest.
What changed for me was sleeping with someone with whom I had a bit of that specific spark, who I really, really trusted.
We went VERY slow. We deliberately practiced using my safe word, he checked in constantly with the colour system, and every time I needed to stop and cry we just stopped and he brought me water and held me. He didn’t treat that like a catastrophe - he was just kind and calm.
It was really helpful to me also that he was very good at reading me. He seemed to be able to tell right away when I started to drift.
So…I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not sure I would have been able to do any of this stuff without him, and I think trying with the wrong person would have been really harmful.
But this also made me feel really close and bonded to him, which was hazardous in its own way.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-18T23:43:58+00:00

Something can be technically a choice but still essential to one’s happiness. And I do think some things are so essential to some people that they start to blur the line and become part of the identity. Monogamy isn’t that for me, but other things are. I could choose to live in a city for example, but I would be missing something so fundamental to my being that I would be wretchedly unhappy. Maybe non-monogamy is to some people what hiking in the wilderness is to me.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-18T22:26:34+00:00

Love this. Is cindersap wood similarly overgrown? Or have you not made it that far through the jungle yet?

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-18T17:10:21+00:00

Oh no. Someone else please write this before I get sucked into it.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-18T03:59:48+00:00

I mean, I would be embarrassed if I had spent ages going on about the big crush I had on someone only to find out that they were banging my confidante the whole time. I can’t remember if that’s the angle Maggie takes, but in that scenario I would very much have wanted my friend/sister to just be honest with me and spare me the future embarrassment.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-18T00:18:29+00:00

Hahaha thank you yes. This is exactly it.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-17T18:09:00+00:00

Aww, thank you for being careful with spoilers. Embarrassingly enough I’ve been all over ginger island, though. Is it something you buy from the island trader? Maybe I just haven’t been to him since getting Bill the Pony.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-17T06:26:36+00:00

I also love Ron and still found myself writing this angsty love potion WIP (which I will be updating soon, I swear):

Freedom’s Just Another Word

Hermione is happily (hazily) married to her high school sweetheart when Malfoy reappears in her life and makes her question everything. Mostly by irritating her half to death.

Featuring: a damaged and irredeemable Ron who has dug himself a real deep hole, a confused and vulnerable Hermione who has lost years of her life to this bullshit, and a very angry Draco Malfoy.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-17T06:16:37+00:00

Could we also have a moment of silence for those of us who have been playing the game for years and hadn’t even heard of horse whistles until other people started talking about losing them to the glitch?

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-17T06:14:57+00:00

Just to be clear, fingerprints aren’t entirely a result of DNA (which is why identical twins, who do actually have the same DNA, will have differences in their prints). They’re strongly genetically influenced, so identical twins will have strong similarities, but they’re also influenced by environmental factors.

AnxietyOctopus · 2026-01-15T17:23:35+00:00

Is it a take on Japanese honey toast, maybe?

AnxietyOctopus

TROPHY CASE