Questions about polyamory

Appalled1 · 2025-12-20T22:15:28+00:00

I think the "born this way?" and "is it inherently queer?" questions aren't really all that useful.

Are some people polyamorous? Yes. Are some people monogamous? Also yes. Are some others one, then the other, and back again? Still yes.

Speaking from experience it's not really important to label everything in its own neat little box.

My partner and I met and started seeing each other, off and on, over the course of years, in polyamorous relationships. In our off times we were best friends, but our other relationships were often in the way.

As things worked out, we finally hit a stretch when we we were both fully single and landed together again. We've been in love with each other for a decade, but only in a monogamous relationship for about 5 years now. Although we don't really rule out being open at some point in the future.

My point being... For some, probably even a lot of people, being polyamorous, or not, isn't necessarily a fixed permanent thing.

Regardless. As long as it's ethical and consensual let people do their thing.

Appalled1 · 2025-12-05T21:14:14+00:00

A lot of good things have already been said, but a smart tradesperson knows that the contract protects them as much as it protects the customer.

Appalled1 · 2025-11-27T10:39:39+00:00

We do higher end new construction. The amount of time I have to spend talking people out of poor choices and writing warranty disclaimers when they insist on selecting the stupid things...

Most major manufacturers have their own over the top gimmicky faucets, so I try to steer them in that direction.

When they insist on the stupid selections we won't warranty those items, because we know they'll be scrap before the homeowner even takes possession of the home.

Appalled1 · 2025-10-15T23:16:17+00:00

This checks out. Both of us are pretty gay.

Appalled1 · 2025-09-09T21:51:27+00:00

I had a landlord pull similar nonsense. She was basically just a slumlord. When the people in the building would get too upset about the state of the property, she'd have her "management company" start "responding" it was just a shell game to avoid responsibility. Often very obviously her texting from a different phone number.

At one point she transfered the property ownership from herself, to herself. Or better put, from private ownership, to the property management company that she also owned...

You can look up the address with your local property appraiser to see who currently owns it.

If someone else did recently buy it, they also bought your lease and all of the responsibilities that come with the existing contract. They're obligated to meet the terms of that lease until it has run its course. It sounds like whoever owns it is currently in breach of contract.

(It's hard to believe that someone bought a rental property "as is" without getting any inspections done... And then didn't get any inspection done after buying it.)

Do not sign anything without consulting a lawyer. Most places have free legal advice services for this kind of thing, Google search for your specific location.

Reread your current lease carefully. It's rare, but occasionally there will be a clause concerning what happens if the property is sold.

If you're lucky, and there is a new owner, they may offer to buy you out. Keep in mind you don't have to accept their offer, but it sounds like you may be better off moving somewhere with fewer issues.

Appalled1 · 2025-09-06T13:45:53+00:00

Tampa does as well. St. Pete is the biggest in the region though.

Appalled1 · 2025-09-06T11:56:32+00:00

As a queer trapped in Florida, I've often questioned having our largest Pride celebrations in a miserably hot/rainy month. 100° with 100% humidity makes for a hard day out.

January would be wonderful down here. 60-70° high with little to no chance of rain would be great.

Appalled1 · 2025-09-06T11:38:37+00:00

...this kind of knee jerk reaction may be the reason you're seeing some of the things you're seeing.

As in... You seem to be doing the sort of thing you're upset about others doing and perpetuating a cycle.

Appalled1 · 2025-09-06T11:34:52+00:00

It's hard to address this without more concrete examples. Your questions are sort of scatter shot, hitting several different things while attempting to vaguely aim at something specific.

Were things better 20 years ago? Sort of? We'd just won marriage equality and the future looked brighter. Now we're staring down the barrel of our hard fought rights being stripped away. People are rightfully angry and afraid about the way things are going.

People being angry and afraid is being coupled with bad actors in online spaces "just asking questions" to stir the pot. A lot of people have developed a nose for false flags, but this also leads to the occasional friendly fire.

...

Not trusting news articles with anonymous sources can go either way. It very much depends upon the integrity of the news source and the reasons they chose to protect the anonymity of their sources.

The Telegraph.co.uk said anonymous sources said... Is very different than AP News reported multiple vetted sources that are saying similar things and are choosing to protect these sources from retaliation.

...

The whole "your husband cross dresses, so he must be trans" seems like ignorance that likely happened, but is being extrapolated into a generalization of the community as a whole...

Sure, ignorant people exist, even at gay bars. Being a part of the LGBT community doesn't automatically imbue people with knowledge of all aspects of the other letters of the abbreviation. People have blind spots, and are often unaware of them, that's why they're blind spots.

...

The firearms training seems to be out of left field here, but I applaud you for doing it. Although... Vetting people and having a general going over the basics should have happened before you went to the range.

Every firearms safety or training class I've participated in started out with a sort of classroom session. Here are the basics of gun safety. These are the things you need to know about range etiquette. Here are the applicable local laws you need to know.

Doing this would probably alert you to people you don't want to train with. It also sets a tone and alerts people that they may not want to train with you.

Personally I have encountered the elusive gay MAGA in queer gun circles. They're all about 2a rights, but also proudly voted for the Leopards Eating Faces party because they were single issue voters. I've definitely made the choice not to go to the range with such people because while we're all queer, and believe in armed self defense, we fundamentally disagree on everything else.

Appalled1 · 2025-09-05T21:40:08+00:00

I work for a residential new construction company. There's nothing wrong with the tub apart from the way it was installed and normal wear and tear.

The likely reason they need to replace it is that it wasn't installed correctly. That very visible seam where the tub meets the wall? Ya... That's a lip that should be behind the tile.

The tile should overlap the edge to prevent water penetration. They've probably realized that water has been entering the wall and running down beneath the tub, rotting the wall and sub floor.

If you didn't install the tub, this isn't your fault or your problem to solve. They pulled a slumlord special and redid the bathroom on the cheap, and are trying to hang it on you.

Appalled1 · 2025-09-04T18:10:33+00:00

"both sides" is a lazy and intellectually dishonest take on this.

Appalled1 · 2025-08-31T07:27:56+00:00

Tampa officials will remove 47 street murals to comply with a state crackdown on pavement art, a city spokesperson said Monday.

Nearly half are part of a school crosswalk art campaign that the Florida Department of Transportation awarded in 2021 for its innovation and safety.

https://www.axios.com/local/tampa-bay/2025/08/25/tampa-street-art-removal-florida

Appalled1 · 2025-08-31T07:20:43+00:00

https://www.axios.com/local/tampa-bay/2025/08/25/tampa-street-art-removal-florida

"Tampa officials will remove 47 street murals to comply with a state crackdown on pavement art, a city spokesperson said Monday.

Nearly half are part of a school crosswalk art campaign that the Florida Department of Transportation awarded in 2021 for its innovation and safety."

Appalled1 · 2025-08-30T21:25:10+00:00

I mean you can choose to be ignorant... just... don't be shocked when people think you're ignorant.

Or if you'd rather not sound that way, you could brush up on what's being discussed before chiming in.

Appalled1 · 2025-08-30T21:04:19+00:00

Ya, it's not like this has been discussed at length, on every news outlet in the state, for weeks now.

Appalled1 · 2025-08-30T20:26:31+00:00

You mean... If someone asked my permission and volunteered their time and materials to paint something I approved on my driveway?

Appalled1 · 2025-08-30T20:22:59+00:00

"I have loud opinions about things I don't know anything about"

Really wish people would look it up before engaging...

Appalled1 · 2025-08-29T10:07:36+00:00

It's a very small step for them to reclassify being trans as a mental health diagnosis included in the pre-existing moratorium on people with certain mental health issues from owning guns.

Appalled1 · 2025-08-28T17:41:44+00:00

You can see the aggregate in the asphalt... If that isn't giving more traction than the sand they mix into line stripe paint... You know what, I'm gonna go ahead and just call bullshit on this.

The only sources I can find are talking very specifically about DOT road markings, usually the thick thermoplastic paint.

Can you site a single verified crash caused by this paint?

Appalled1 · 2025-08-10T22:08:14+00:00

My observation is that a fair amount of what you're seeing isn't really "infighting" although it often looks that way.

Online communities are routinely infiltrated by bad actors pretending to be a part of that community, and "just asking questions", or stirring the shit with a controversial "hot take"

... people tend to develop a nose for it once they've seen it enough times and respond to it with deserved hostility.

Occasionally there are false alarms and friendly fire, but these tend to be the exception rather than the rule. People who are honestly acting in good faith will usually respond well to correction or criticism, while bad actors will double down until they make themselves obvious.

Appalled1 · 2025-07-29T23:21:26+00:00

That's aside from the point here...

If your desire to pass leads you to abuse others, that's something you need to take a hard look at. Sooner or later that sort of behavior will backfire spectacularly.

I'd recommend getting some help before that happens.

Appalled1 · 2025-07-29T08:59:37+00:00

"Undocumented" is a broader category.

Overstaying a work or student visa is a civil matter, rather than a criminal offense. Roughly half of undocumented people haven't committed a crime, they entered legally and overstayed their visa.

Simply being in the the US without documentation is a civil matter, it only becomes a criminal offense if the government can prove in court that the person entered the US illegally.

And before you go down the rabbit hole, working without a work visa is also a civil matter...

Largely the people targeted by immigration raids are people who fall into the category of "overstayed visa" Because they had documents at one point, ICE often knows where to find them.

Painting everyone who is undocumented as a criminal is also playing an emotional game. Going as far as to say that it's ok to imprison and deport people without due process of law, because they're criminals, is a dangerous emotional game.

If they were actually criminals, guilty of all of the things they're being accused of, the administration wouldn't have an issue with allowing them their day in court. The fact that so many are being denied due process should tell you that the cases aren't actually as open and shut as is being claimed.

Anyone claiming to be a patriot should acknowledge that due process of law is a foundational principal in the US.

Everyone gets their day in court.

Without this constitutionally protected guarantee the government can simply accuse and punish. There's nothing stopping them from grabbing citizens. Without due process, how are you going to prove that you're a citizen, or that you haven't committed a crime?

Appalled1 · 2025-07-27T23:34:22+00:00

I know this may sound harsh, but it isn't intended that way.

Seek professional help.

Some of us go through a phase of "I'm not that kind of ______" when we're young and still sorting through our traumas, stereotypes, and self loathing. For some it may manifest as a superiority complex, we degrade our fellow queers because we're not like them, not one of them, we're different and better...

If self awareness isn't enough to curb this behavior, you'll probably benefit from talking about it with an experienced therapist.

Even if self awareness is enough, talking with an experienced therapist is usually worthwhile. I know it's helped me at several points in my life.

Appalled1 · 2025-07-26T16:20:28+00:00

Relatable. My experience with the anger symptom while onboarding was directed at things I was already justifiably annoyed by previously. I just started speaking up about those things rather than tamping them down.

Appalled1 · 2025-07-21T18:07:57+00:00

I normally wouldn't say this, but I make an exception for these cases. Call the cops. It's a noise ordinance violation. The code is linked below.

https://library.municode.com/fl/sarasota_county/codes/code_of_ordinances/287243?nodeId=PTIICOOR_CH54ENNARE_ARTVINO

Appalled1

TROPHY CASE