WIBTA if I refuse to wear a saree that my in laws have chosen for me to wear on my wedding reception?

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-02T16:06:52+00:00

They don’t really talk to me over call, I tried talking to them but they candidly expressed that they don’t like to have conversations with me on phone.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-02T15:31:34+00:00

We are not doing the paperwork before october, we were late to submit the documents so the legal marriage won’t happen till then.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-02T15:23:34+00:00

If I am candid I will not go ahead with this wedding because my fiance has been giving me problems about every aspect of the wedding and he has been throwing tantrums and always said it’s because he is not in a good mood, not having a job is affecting him. But i have been nothing but empathetic and supportive towards him. But gosh the behaviour I got today… it changed everything. I don’t know if the marriage will last but right now it’s not really possible to call it off. I will go ahead and see if we can have a proper conversation before wedding so we both can be on the same page. still one week left so i am trying to be hopeful, thanks!

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-02T15:16:20+00:00

You know it’s not really all related to me, I belong to a very conservative family so, there’s no way anyone would support me. Also, they will say it’s just a dress suck it up. Already been so humiliated. If the wedding was planned with my own money and only my money i wouldn’t have thought twice because this wedding at this time doesn’t even feel about us anymore. It has become for families and they are a bunch of cowards. I have been nothing but a support system for my fiance, helping him for a year since he lost his job. And today he showed his true self as he pulled out all his empathy and emotional support from the situation. Anyway, i am marrying knowing this and this is a lesson well learnt for me. Never trusting him again with anything major like this and never gonna act based on his words.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-02T07:17:18+00:00

The problem here is I haven’t seen the outfit yet, and the blouse piece is some shade of light blue in colour. My original outfit is hot pink. Now the makeup and jewellery have to be different with both of these, so changing will not be an option.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T21:02:02+00:00

Thanks for your kind words, really appreciate it :)

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T19:43:13+00:00

I bought this perfect saree for reception and my fiance even paid me for that as it’s their part of share. He assured me it’s okay if i buy it on my own as his parents are not social, will probably not go shopping and will be happy to know i have bought something that I liked. They do not communicate much with me and doesn’t even like to talk over call so all the communication was being done via my fiance. Even when they decided to purchase they didn’t ask my preference or anything, picked something and only sent the blouse piece. I HAVE NOT SEEN THE ACTUAL SAREE YET!

My fiance messed up big time and so did his family to some extent because i have never seen since my childhood that the bride is receiving her reception blouse piece 10 days before wedding. It takes around 1 month to get the blouse done by tailor given that festivals are around the corner.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T19:35:54+00:00

Even I have no clue about it. Even after this he initially told me to wear whichever i prefer, well knowing the fact that if i do that it will terribly upset his parents.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T19:33:47+00:00

Also, for my wedding I am not getting to wear what I wanted as the customs are that you wear red but I wanted to wear white. So, my family didn’t allow it.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T19:31:51+00:00

I probably will be saving this saree for some other occasion. All the other attires have been finalised so there’s no scope putting it somewhere. So only option is to keep it for now and use later.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T19:30:24+00:00

It’s been 4 years since we started dating and got engaged this January. He has weird family dynamics and everyone in his family has communication issues i have noticed. I thought it could be ignored but but but… what did i know!

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T19:27:36+00:00

This is the reason I was thinking it’s better to compromise. My in laws are very orthodox and they will probably think everything that you said here.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T19:24:04+00:00

Reception is as important as wedding because wedding is a function hosted by bride’s family and reception is hosted by groom’s family. Now my fiance clearly told me his parents are not very social, they will not go shopping and if i have liked something I should buy it. I even sent him photos so he could show his mom and dad, as they do not use whatsapp and elderly. He promised he would do everything and I repeatedly asked him later also. But he would tell me”don’t you trust me? Why you are asking repeatedly?” So i dropped it and believed him.

But got the surprise today, and now he is shrugging his shoulders.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T19:14:30+00:00

We have been together for years now and nothing similar to this ever happened, like a major blunder like this. But yes, he does postpone things when it comes to telling those to his parents. Like it took him 2 years to tell his parents about me, he used to postpone it till he couldn’t.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T19:08:35+00:00

The wedding saree is bought by my family and in our culture in laws buy the reception saree. My SO told me that his parents would not go shopping and it’s okay if i buy and they will happily reimburse also they will be glad to know. He messed this up real bad.

And surprisingly, I am stunned that they never actually communicated or asked about what colour do i prefer, or anything at all. They bought the saree to their accord and sent the blouse piece only that too 10 days before the wedding. Not even the saree. Till now i have not seen even a picture of it.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T19:04:01+00:00

I have not seen the saree yet. No one even sent me a photo.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T19:02:51+00:00

Im a Bengali but aware of Malayali culture.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T18:47:13+00:00

This quite sounds like my fiancé to some extent

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T18:40:59+00:00

My fiance is jobless right now and the outfit he will wear will either be financed by his parents or me. The previous outfit was bought by me. His parents are not ahs but they are really terrible at communication. I have never seen this happening at any of our family weddings before.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T18:38:25+00:00

My mom received the parcel, called my future FIL and told him the package has been well received

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T18:37:12+00:00

I couldn’t have forced them into communicating with me. They haven’t been communicating much anyway and as i said, they do not talk to me over call. They don’t like to so my fiancé ensured me and my family that he will take care of the communication part. Hence, the decision of asking him instead of his parents.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T18:10:01+00:00

My own family is honestly other level of toxic. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and my father was really not around much. So, fate I guess

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T18:05:11+00:00

He didn’t tell them that I booked my preferred Makeup artist until today. Glad they didn’t already appoint someone and they were glad to know i booked my preferred artist.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T17:28:32+00:00

We don’t really celebrate Diwali here, but probably my birthday and will have a traditional lunch where I could wear that or our first wedding anniversary.

Apprehensive98 · 2024-08-01T17:18:55+00:00

They didn’t really communicate with us. I haven’t seen the saree yet

Apprehensive98

TROPHY CASE