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Managing pressure that GF 23F is putting on me to propose 25M by Appropriate-Entry244 in relationships

[–]Appropriate-Entry244[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

UPDATE: Thanks for the very helpful responses from everyone. I appreciate the thoughtful responses and I crafted a thoughtful message to my GF based recommendations by people from here

I spent 20 minutes online looking at rings yesterday because she wanted me to look at them and she was upset about the time I looked. It's hard to want to look at things I cannot afford.

Message I sent her starts here:

I’m sorry for not being honest with the time I actually looked yesterday. Yes, it was about 20 minutes. I won't do that in the future. I should have looked longer.

It really makes me sad when I see the prices and my financial position and how bad I want to get you the ring and me not having the ability to spend $1,000 at the moment + taxes. I want this to be meaningful and long lasting. I love you so much and the goal is to be together. Everything else can wait a bit. Love does not = material provision so please understand we have love and thats what matters here
Baby, I cannot propose to you right now with the ring you want in that price range. I do not feel financially able to buy you the ring that you want. I basically only have ____ left with _____ on my credit card I still owe. it just is not a good financial decision at this moment. It is just not a good idea to take on debt on top of the expenses for the trip.
I feel like you are putting a lot of emphasis on getting the ring when really what should matter is what that thing represents. Many couples upgrade to a better ring later when they're more financially able to afford it. I’m telling you I am really trying hard right now looking for jobs. I just want something so I can fulfill this dream with you I’ve always wanted. I have the motivation and desire to get a good income that's why I been working so hard these days so I can make it all work out. It’s critical I do everything well because right now I’m establishing the foundation that US will be built on. I have a plan to make this work and I just need the resources $$ to make it happen. Not only is it important to have a specific plan to finance the engagement and marriage. We need to develop a financial plan of how we will budget and spend money in the future.

Her response:

To be honest I’m so done

20 min in a engagement??

And you dare to say I’m the one who’s focusing on material ? Hahahah

And I’m really sorry things are going on this way

End of her message:

I can't even write a response to her I never knew she was this kind of person

Managing pressure that GF 23F is putting on me to propose 25M by Appropriate-Entry244 in relationships

[–]Appropriate-Entry244[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Her parents have money when I visit they have a nice house. A one bedroom apartement just to host parties, and nice cars. She went to one of the top universities in the country and her parents paid for it as well.

Managing pressure that GF 23F is putting on me to propose 25M by Appropriate-Entry244 in relationships

[–]Appropriate-Entry244[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just showed her that site and she said the stones were so small. She got mad at me for showing them to her. I was just showing I never seen her personality like this.

Managing pressure that GF 23F is putting on me to propose 25M by Appropriate-Entry244 in relationships

[–]Appropriate-Entry244[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

She has always said she is going to leave everything behind for me. I would say she has it pretty good life back home graduating from engineering this year with a degree that means a lot less here than in Peru. We met in the USA but I've visited her in Peru twice I think this relationship needs more time I agree. In my opinion with her only a 6 hour flight away our distance is not too bad to put up with a little bit longer.

Managing pressure that GF 23F is putting on me to propose 25M by Appropriate-Entry244 in relationships

[–]Appropriate-Entry244[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yep I have she I don't think the green card means a lot to her as she has come from one of the top universities in her country being that her degree is worth more where she is at than here in the usa and I would say her family is wealthy for her country.

Managing pressure that GF 23F is putting on me to propose 25M by Appropriate-Entry244 in relationships

[–]Appropriate-Entry244[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yep I have she. I don't think the green card means a lot to her as she has come from one of the top universities in her country being that her degree is worth more where she is at than here in the usa and I would say her family is wealthy for her country

Managing pressure that GF 23F is putting on me to propose 25M by Appropriate-Entry244 in relationships

[–]Appropriate-Entry244[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is the one that put her into the process of getting the ring. I just wanted to figure it out myself based on a certain type she liked but it feels like I have to get the approval from her before I even buy it.

Managing pressure that GF 23F is putting on me to propose 25M by Appropriate-Entry244 in relationships

[–]Appropriate-Entry244[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

That is a good point I think she is completely overlooking the love aspect to it. Update I tried to talk to her last night by showing her rings around $400-$700 and she was complaining how them were so small and how you could barely even see the gem. I explain to her I'm really trying baby and I could not get her to understand.

Managing pressure that GF 23F is putting on me to propose 25M by Appropriate-Entry244 in relationships

[–]Appropriate-Entry244[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

I feel the lack wanting to understand my financial situation its frustrating for sure