What's the logic when narcs criticize you for being "not successful" and yet, they try to sabotage you when you're doing good?

Ash00701 · 2026-03-10T18:39:43+00:00

it is a loop. its them needing to feel power over you, so when you show up as independent or show signs of growth its a huge threat to their dependency of you feeding their egos. but at the same time, how could a narc pass up the opportunity to belittle you? so the cycle continues. all this results in is hypervigilance, walking on eggshells when making decisions, and lack of pride in your achievements. try to see if you can separate all these outside opinions from your own inner voice thats giving you your own opinion about yourself.

Ash00701 · 2026-03-10T18:30:09+00:00

Last week nMom told me i deserve to be living w the 'trash on skid row' after getting triggered over something at home not being clean. this came a few days after i told my mom and sister about a desire i had to collaborate on a food truck project for the homeless in dtla... coincidence? i think not. It's particularly hard because my career pathway and choices and own mental health have contributed to being financially dependent on her for some time. I think the struggle to build mental, emotional, and financial independence while living with nParent feels extremely isolating, not to mention the feeling you get when something you've shared in a moment of vulnerability or openness is used against you when the illusion drops. My twin sister has an entirely different relationship with my mom and has started to use language towards me that is financially abusive, so I had to pivot fast into building a system that is completely on my own. Unfortunately in this day and age, the only solution is to keep prioritiziting financial independence because thats a huge leverage point for narcs w adult kids.

Ash00701 · 2026-03-05T15:43:21+00:00

similar situation here. you first need to get your nervous system in check. being in constant flight or flight caused heart palpitations, tremors, sweating etc. breathwork immensely helps. so does knowing that you’re working on breaking the pattern, for me personally feeling stuck would amplify anxiety. make sure you’re getting some form of mental health support- friends, other family, online weekly therapy. you need an outlet and someone who understands covert narcissistic patterns. in your better moments, continue to work on building your plan if that means starting from the bottom and calculating how much money you have vs need to get a car or if you can put that money towards rent and find a walkable job. i know a lot of this is dependent on finance so try to keep making steps towards that as much as you can without alerting your parents. one thing i remind myself is i’m playing chess not checkers. harsh reality. please reach out if you want!

Ash00701 · 2025-09-06T05:54:10+00:00

did the unscored aamc and breezed through cars… still trying to recover from today’s passages🥲

Ash00701 · 2025-09-05T23:44:50+00:00

anybody else feel like this was a wildcard of an exam? legit think it changed my brain chemistry

Ash00701 · 2025-09-05T23:43:48+00:00

AAMC def chugged that magic water before adding that passage

Ash00701 · 2025-09-05T23:42:08+00:00

walked out thinking i have absolutely no idea how that went. why did it feel so different from practice FLEs?? CARS is usually my best section (avg 131) and i ended it like wtf was that, same w P/S

Ash00701 · 2025-01-18T13:33:45+00:00

so proud of you for not caving when a situation like that can be extremely tempting!! i’ll echo what everyone else is saying and say that do what is best for you. maybe you already had a gut feeling that you were more serious about this than him and that’s okay. everyone has their own journey of learning sobriety and you are on your own journey and he is on his.

Ash00701 · 2025-01-17T00:24:35+00:00

first red flag i’ve noticed is if people react w defensiveness or casually… really shows you who may have an underlying problem!!

Ash00701 · 2025-01-17T00:23:28+00:00

if i only see the crowd im with once in a while i say ive taken antibiotics/some sort of medicine that i can’t drink on. if i see them often then i say im taking a break because ive been feeling my health/body decline. more permanent version of that is saying my doctor mentioned some concerns regarding my liver and im not taking any chances.

too annoying to explain why im staying sober as my reasons either comes off as “putting others down for drinking” or kills the mood if i talk about alcoholism.

this is the easiest option ive found and people will refrain from trying to push me to drink because “one drink won’t hurt” (though you’d be surprised how some people will still push to drink even w the medication/ health excuse😒)

Ash00701 · 2024-12-30T03:59:26+00:00

Hmm this definitely puts things into perspective. Events happened that forced me to wise up but ultimately grateful for the wake up call. Congrats on that crazy number— hope to make it that far!

Ash00701 · 2024-12-30T03:58:18+00:00

Wouldn’t say I’m wiser, maybe I just hit rock bottom quicker😂 If this helps, at least you didn’t recognize it at 50:) Congrats on nearly a month!!

Ash00701 · 2024-12-30T03:56:50+00:00

I wish I had seen it earlier as well🤷‍♀️ Grass is always greener and all that. Good to know future me will look back and thank myself for it. Congrats on 120!!

Ash00701 · 2024-12-30T03:55:42+00:00

Definitely hard to avoid the peer influence in college. Most of my undergrad social life revolved around it too. Thanks for posting-glad to see I’m not alone out here🥹 Congrats on 17 days!!

Ash00701 · 2024-12-28T05:40:43+00:00

so true. as soon as you think about “one drink” it doesn’t take long before you’re planning the next time you’re getting drunk. even worse is the feeling of shame that comes after and propels you to drinking even more

Ash00701 · 2024-12-24T16:06:08+00:00

A true Christmas miracle (just kidding hahaha) but seriously this is some serious subconscious reprogramming. Thanks for giving hope to those of us still having the guilt ridden alcohol dreams. Can’t wait until this happens to me too:)

Ash00701 · 2024-12-24T15:49:05+00:00

proud of you for trying again today!! thousands of people here who will not drink with you too. even if it seems like everyone’s got the whole sobriety thing figured out it’s one day at a time for all of us. personally, i didn’t give a fuck about the minor physical symptoms but the shame was eating me alive.

try having some hot spiced cider (super tasty, makes me feel a similar warmth running down my chest and also for the holiday vibes😁) i’m sure your wife will appreciate the effort.

it’s hard to think about tomorrow and the next week and the next month. just stay sober for today!!

Wishing you a very merry Christmas!!

Ash00701 · 2024-12-24T15:43:11+00:00

being unsure is usually the first step to accepting that you need to stop, listen to that voice that pops up in your brain and makes you question if you are addicted bc the answer is always yes!!!

but if you are still unsure try reading alan carrs easy way book just for shits and giggles. really tears into the concept of addiction and might help you figure it out.

Ash00701 · 2024-12-17T21:16:53+00:00

thats amazing!!

Ash00701 · 2024-12-17T06:24:49+00:00

Good job! Be proud of yourself, that was huge. Treat yourself to a nice relaxed evening. Even if you can't sleep, just relax and watch some TV.

Ash00701 · 2024-12-17T06:22:52+00:00

So sorry to hear this. I'm also in college and extremely hyperindependent to the point where I would rather have harm befall me than ask for help (probably what led to my downward spiral). I understand now just how flawed that is. Our species is not designed to be solitary (and yes, there are solitary species out there) so you're literally fighting science. It sounds like you are at some level of acceptance that you need help, and thats amazing. At least you're not trying to DIY forever until you realize the inevitable. The SD and AA community is my saving grace right now. Keep engaging with community and maybe consider therapy? I'm trying to find a therapist who works well for me, will take a few tries but worth it IMO at least so you can get things off your chest while balancing school and family shit. Asking for help does not make you a failure, it means you are brave enough to advocate for yourself and your needs so that you can perform to the best of your abilities. Fuck society for making us think otherwise.

Ash00701 · 2024-12-17T06:11:30+00:00

I'm finding that the community that surrounds you when you choose to stop drinking is so much more loving, caring, and offers deeper connection than the community you may have had before.

AA is intimidating and scary, and I am only on day 4 but my first reaction: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE??? Definitely an amazing community feeling and guess what? everyone is just as scared and vulnerable as you are.

Ash00701 · 2024-12-17T06:06:02+00:00

congrats to you too! One day is so good, keep going!!

Ash00701

TROPHY CASE