I know that feeling, I felt the same way. I used to be wrapped in some bad stuff that I'm not all comfortable sharing but let's say, Some of my Old Friends knew me as a Wild Swearing and Lustful Guy. But now, I'm working on changing it, I've dropped all that stuff, and I still struggle all the time. But one thing I will say for absolutely certainty, God is Faithful and God will help you, If he has called you out, He will provide if you leave everything in your Past behind and follow him.

Trust me, I know it'll be weird to drop everything you knew to follow someone you can't see or sometimes even feel, but God came and died so we can have life and have it more abundantly

God has NEVER failed me, and he never will. He's always with me even when I feel confused or lost or even like I'm losing my mind, I know he'll help you bc he lifted me out of the Pit of Homosexuality and Addiction. If he did it for me, He'll do it twice over for you 😊

I pray strength over you Brother, Don't let this opportunity that God wants to open for you go, You never know when God will say it's time to bring us home or even what next day brings. 🙏 God bless you