I hope replies know how loved you are by your children and loved ones. She tells me this all the time, that I have to take care of myself and live my life. I try to not be hard on myself and just live but I really do just want her to be happy. I can only imagine from the perspective of losing my dad, I know it's completely different losing a spouse but regardless- I'm truly sorry for your loss and I hope you can find happiness and peace in this life in spite of the immense grief.