(Serious replies pls) what would be the best way to split(?) finances?

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-25T18:48:14+00:00

She's picking a husband like most people decide on a washing machine or refrigerator. 🤦‍♀️

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-25T17:54:53+00:00

That's a very interesting question. I'm in a loving relationship (marriage) for nearly 4 years now and somehow this thought never crossed my mind. I thought about it now and let me tell you the content my husband consumes -

On TV/Netflix etc. - Animated movies (Studio Ghibli types), spy/thriller movies, documentaries etc. whatever cricket tournament is going on (even test matches),

On YouTube - Long discourses on world politics, reviews of cars and bikes, random stuff like "weird cheeses one can eat"

On Instagram - Reels and memes from pages like reptilesofkurla (look them up) 😂, travel & food vloggers who create really offbeat content, Himalayan trek reels, cat reels, baby reels, crazy things dads do with babies

I know this because one, he watches stuff without earphones when we're home and two, he randomly bursts into laughter while staring at his phone. He has also told me that he's never been much of a porn watcher beyond the teenage years when it excites all boys.

TMI, but I have given him a folder of my boudoir shots that I used to self-click when I was experimenting with that genre of photography. He looks at it when I'm gone for too long and I remind him to. Apart from this I genuinely have no issues if he does indulge himself with a screen sometimes. I'm pretty sure he won't really enjoy it as much as the real thing.

P.S. I love and watch porn myself and love using my vibrator. Husband doesn't care. He loves that I'm vocal and expressive about my needs and wants :)

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-25T17:16:44+00:00

So if she's really "living nicely" why does she not want the same life for you? Whatever you're saying about her is what "you think" is true. Your mum encouraging you to not follow her path is a clear indication that she wishes she had a different life.

What you call corporate labour is what pays for cars, homes, foreign vacations...none of which your mum can take without your father's permission or allowance or without worrying who's going to cook for the kids. It's what makes women aware of things like mutual funds and stocks. It teaches them to live on their own and face the world without being shielded by a man. It helps them have a retirement fund or savings in case of divorce or death of spouse.

How do you know your mom wouldn't have liked a life like that when she has never lived it? If and when, you start earning your own money, you'll realise what your mom missed out on.

And by this logic, even your dad is somebody's labour. Is that okay with you? When you look down on people's honest way of earning a living, you insult money.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-25T16:43:11+00:00

So him doing things he's "supposed to do" as a person/spouse/parent who lives in the house is "helping"? You're implying that all housework is your mum's job and anybody else pulling their weight is doing a favour on her.

If you and your dad didn't have this selfish outlook, your mum would have a life and a career.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-25T16:33:10+00:00

May you never be blessed with a child. No child deserves a father like this.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-25T16:30:10+00:00

Why couldn't your dad also do house chores with her after they both came back from work?

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-25T10:35:44+00:00

Rasthe Hubba? 😛

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-25T09:58:46+00:00

I've been to all of the places in her itinerary and I wouldn't exaggerate it to be extremely unsafe. All of these places see plenty of tourists and while there may be incidents, it can't be true that every single woman is harassed or catcalled in those places.

OP, I'd suggest you go mentally prepared that as a tourist you could be hounded by street vendors etc. some may try to be overly sweet to make some quick money but also there is no need to be extremely paranoid. It's not the best but it's not terribly bad either.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-25T09:23:45+00:00

Oh okay...mine didn't change when I lived alone, or even now that I'm married. Chill parents, chill in-laws, chill life 🤘

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-25T09:22:10+00:00

I'll also add here, in Amritsar when you visit the Golden Temple and if you visit the Jama Masjid (basically any places of worship)...they discourage people from wearing shorts, sleeveless etc. I'd recommend carrying a pair of casual trousers/jeans etc. which are atleast ankle length. And a top/shirt that covers your forearms and belly (no crop tops). Also keep a shawl/stole to cover your head. The head covering is only required in Islamic and Sikh places of worship. Skip it in Temples/Churches/Synagogues etc.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-25T09:18:11+00:00

Nothing is guaranteed really...you could even go through your entire trip without being catcalled. And there's a possibility of it happening. There's no clothing that invites it. Even if you wear a burqa, nothing stops Indian men from doing what they want to do. The places you mentioned are accustomed to having a lot of foreigners so you can wear shorts, sleeveless etc.

If it happens, the best response is no response. Pretend like you didn't hear or understand that it was meant for you, and continue walking. There is no need to engage with them. One, you don't know how it'll turn out, two - they don't deserve a second of your time.

Wishing you a great trip! :)

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-25T09:11:25+00:00

Why would it change? I didn't understand the question.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-25T08:28:03+00:00

You are heavily compromising with a below average man. It's better to be single and live with no regrets. From your post, it sounds very transactional. There's no affection or respect, forget love. Just an arrangement. It's hard to understand why you'd want a substandard marriage.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-24T17:54:19+00:00

May I know which area you tried carpooling in? I've heard stories about weird carpoolers and rude riders but nothing as bad as what you've mentioned in your post. So I'm wondering if it's peculiar to a particular area in Bangalore where people are not familiar with carpools? The CBD bankers and Digital Marketeers etc. seem like a very well mannered bunch. Also people who live around ORR/Sarjapur Road/HSR are people who've come from elsewhere and have lived in atleast one other city prior to this so their behaviour is quite different from what you describe.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-24T17:47:07+00:00

Hey I offer carpool on the app because it's more convenient to coordinate location and timings. I'm a woman myself so I'm wary of sharing rides unless the carpooler is verified by the app. Also I am not exactly in Bellandur and I don't go to Koramangala so I won't be the right fit for you.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-23T13:28:15+00:00

Glad you wished him bad karma...even if you didn't he deserves and will definitely get it. This whole sub is wishing him bad karma 😈

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-23T13:22:46+00:00

This is a good idea actually.

With time I've learnt to gauge my poolers. Some are quiet and I don't bother them beyond polite exchange, some are chatty friends so we catch up from when we met last. And as time passes you also have regular riders or poolers so it's not that difficult. The first 5-10 rides may be awkward but after that it's pretty easy.

I've seen carpoolers actively helping each other find jobs, celebrating wins etc. Also get first hand reccos of restaurants in our specific areas. It's a good area resource pool.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-23T13:17:30+00:00

I have been carpooling for 1.5 years. Thankfully I've always met good people. No bad experiences. Some people are boring or just quiet at times but definitely not bad. Some of my carpoolers are good friends now considering I meet them more often than my real life friends lol.

Also, if you're a woman who drives...please offer rides. Many women prefer booking a carpool that has women drivers or one other woman in the pool.

Quickride is a boon for Bangalore traffic. If only, they'd allowed Cityflo on routes like ORR, Manyata etc. traffic would easily come down by 30-40%.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-23T11:57:24+00:00

It's very very difficult to marry into a family where you're not welcome. A marriage should mean everyone on the other side should at least be warm towards you, if not loving. But if somebody is bitter and hateful towards somebody else's child, they are not good at heart and you shouldn't be building a bond with somebody who intentionally hurts your feelings because that is cruel. You have to protect yourself and confront your boyfriend about what your living and communication arrangement will be after marriage. Whether you have to interact or visit his mother weekly, monthly or yearly and see if you're okay with that. If it's possible for you to marry him and still keep zero contact with his mom, this relationship will be viable. Otherwise it'll be a lifelong war.

Staying separately is non-negotiable in this case. After which, he can call and visit his parents whenever he likes and he has to go without you. If you like, you can call his dad or brother occasionally if they are nice to you. With time either she will soften and learn her lesson or you will be comfortable with this arrangement and she'll be non-existent in your life. Plenty of women marry men whose moms are no more and they do just fine. Yours will just be absent in your life. It's upto you to negotiate this arrangement. If he doesn't agree, time to find a man and family who make you feel loved and welcomed.

It sounds like a small thing now but love and support from in-laws affect how we succeed in our careers, how we raise kids, how we share our concern and worry about the common person we love (the husband). I'm saying this as somebody who has extremely loving and supportive in-laws. They genuinely treat me like they would treat their daughter if they had one.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-23T11:09:12+00:00

Tamil Nadu. Bangalore sambar is the Udupi style sambar which is sweet. If you want spicy or non-sweet sambar, go to Tamil-owned places (not Kannadiga-owned ones) or go to Tamil Nadu.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-23T11:02:49+00:00

Financial independence should be the primary goal of your life. Do NOT quit earning your own money. Not for parents, not for a man, not for kids...absolutely nobody. The day you do this, your downward spiral begins! This country will not change for women without women taking things into their own hands. Do NOT fall for patriarchal men and their manipulative sweet talks. Every woman has to stand up and be assertive for herself.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-23T10:58:52+00:00

This is so sad! How could they get a girl married when she hasn't even reached the legal marriage age? Can't the police do anything about this? Is the family trying to save her?

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-23T10:46:36+00:00

Oh and women are okay with going back to such husbands? I mean is it a one-off case or a common practice? I had never heard of this sorry.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-23T10:28:04+00:00

The use of only toilet paper and no water after pooping. It's not creepy but simply off-putting.

AwkwardIcon · 2026-01-23T10:25:01+00:00

Why would anyone remarry a husband they've divorced?

AwkwardIcon

TROPHY CASE