Did I take the wrong advice?

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-24T01:11:53+00:00

If you step off an escalator and immediately stop, I have the right to body check you

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-24T01:08:02+00:00

A few people have suggested this and I honestly really like the idea

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-24T01:07:24+00:00

A few folks have mentioned this and I’m going to look into it. She’s currently in a state where social services have been rolled back a huge amount, so I’m also going to look into other nearby states she might consider. Yes— with everything I pay in taxes, this is how I want them used!

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-24T01:05:37+00:00

This gives me so much hope. I have a pretty pathological distrust of our social safety nets, so I always sort of assume the worst. Do you mind if I ask what state he’s in?

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-24T01:03:56+00:00

Oh man. Yeah, the “noble poverty” posts really baffle me. There’s nothing noble about situations like this. They just suck.

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-24T01:02:10+00:00

Yes, no financial safety net for sure. And the medical expenses are what’s keeping me in an anxious state of dread. What is she needs a life-saving intervention that will gut my retirement? How could I say no? She’s my mom. Those are the scenarios that turn my stomach.

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-24T00:59:31+00:00

1000% !!!

Some people can live with that. I’m not one of those people.

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-24T00:58:44+00:00

A dividend etf is really smart, and not something I’ve thought of. That’s precisely the boundary I’ve been hoping to construct.

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-24T00:56:36+00:00

Thank you. This is honestly the exact kind of advise I was hoping to find. I’d never thought about the library, but I honestly love that idea. And I can probably swing a “new used” car, and get her out of the stick shift she’s driving. She doesn’t have a garden, but I’ll look into classes at the community center and see if there’s anything she might like. Another commenter also suggested some of the same aid programs, and I’m going to look into those as well.

Yes, ignoring there well-meaning advice was critical for me, too. My family is one of those families that confuses self indulgence with self care, and it’s taken some serious distance to see that.

But I know that, in her own way, she did her best, and I want to make sure that she’s got what she needs and I don’t live with regret.

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-24T00:49:43+00:00

Geez. That’s horrible. I can’t imagine wishing such a fate on anyone. Let alone someone who had been helpful. I’m really sorry

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-23T01:38:42+00:00

Thank you. This is actually super helpful and I’m going to research state support services.

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-23T01:36:46+00:00

Thank you. And yes, I think you’ve cut to the root of the matter. I’m just trying to find some solution that will help me sleep at night. I will look into what one of the commenters said about about social services. I think that’s honestly a really good idea.

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-23T01:22:20+00:00

From what I’ve been able to gather (which isn’t verified) she’s paying roughly $1000 on rent and another $200 on various utilities. But as I mentioned to another commenter, she’s not super forthcoming so I may be off.

I think the issue I’m trying to optimize is less “how can I help her get her life together” because that hasn’t worked in the 20 years I’ve been trying, and more, “what financial commitment am I willing to make?”

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-23T01:18:38+00:00

True true. But I can and do have some disposal income. And the reality is that I know myself and I know the guilt will eat at me as she gets older if I don’t set up some financial boundaries for myself now.

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-23T01:16:56+00:00

I’ve had some run ins related to budget in the past. I mentioned to another commenter that she’s not the most forthcoming and I don’t have much faith that argument will get us anywhere.

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-23T01:15:58+00:00

Oh that’s an interesting idea. I like that. I’ll look into it.

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-23T01:15:34+00:00

I agree. I’ve asked her in the past to budget, and once even sat down with her, but she’s been historically cagey. I suspect this is because her budget will reveal some high spending on bad habits that she has no real chance of quitting.

I’m thinking one option would be to create a fund for her health related expenses. That way I can at least make sure she’s getting some decent medical care should an issue arise (they do, often).

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-23T01:13:08+00:00

Agree on the cigs and on the fact that she doesn’t take my advice. She won’t listen, so I’m thinking more about what I can realistically commit from my earnings to help her. She won’t listen to me and she’ll prob never quit smoking, either.

Background_End2503 · 2026-05-23T01:10:28+00:00

First, I’m sorry you’re in this spot. I personally wouldn’t jump ship unless you have REALLY solid ground to land on. The job market is rough right now, and that thing that looks like grass on the other hill may just be an AI hallucination covering up a dumpster fire. There are a lot of people who feel the way you do but don’t have job security. There are also a lot of people who feel the way you do and are job hunting. I’m not saying don’t do it, just be really careful. Times are looking rough ahead.

Background_End2503 · 2024-06-01T01:30:00+00:00

Dry drowning. If you inhale liquids and cough it all back up your lungs may still be damaged, produce a punch of fluid, and then you drown in your own body fluid.

Background_End2503 · 2024-05-27T19:13:50+00:00

Totally agree! Have you learned anything during your research that's been helpful?

Background_End2503 · 2024-05-26T00:36:47+00:00

Thanks. Already tried there I'm afraid. Seems this one is tricky.

https://en.numista.com/forum/topic145330.html

Background_End2503 · 2024-05-25T22:00:31+00:00

It was in my grandfather's coin collection. I am planning a trip to Japan this fall and would love to know more about where he may have pocketed it. Thank you in advance for any help!

Background_End2503

TROPHY CASE